Disappointing Dad

[HurtNewMother]

NC for this thread.

Baby born in the summer. Unplanned but very much wanted and would've on the cards in the very near future.

I'm so disappointed with how baby's dad is being. I feel like he is doing things to avoid us. Home late from work, out with different groups of friends. When he's here is amazing with our DC. We do have a great relationship. I just thought things would be different and it has disappointed me.

I haven't said it to him. I don't want him to be hurt if I've gotten it wrong and he is working extremely hard to provide for us.

Don't really know why I'm posting now that I've written it out. Need a vent and don't have many I'd feel comfortable talking to about it. DO NOT tell me to leave him as that is not something I am willing to explore!

Are YOU getting enough time to go out with YOUR friends etc? Or are you left holding the baby?

You obviously need to talk to him. You decided to have a child with him, you have to be able to communicate honestly. It’s not just that he’s working hard if part of the reason he’s barely around is because he’s socialising with his mates. How much time do you get to do what you want away from parenting? When you say he’s amazing when he’s at home what does that mean? That he does a fair share of housework, food prep, the nappy changing and bathing etc? Or do you mean he plays with the baby?

If youre scared to be honest and open with him about what you need and how you need him to behave so that’s met you’ve got bigger problems than how often he’s out. If you’re not then remember how feelings don’t matter more than yours do.

He does a fair share of housework, food prep, the nappy changing and bathing when he's here.

We have had nights out together. I haven't had many on my own as I don't have many friends locally.

Yes I know I need to talk to him. I honestly don't know why I'm so reserved about it. It's defo a me problem not a he problem why I won't. I'm a notorious people pleaser. 🙄

You don’t need to go out or see other people to have a defined period of time off. You can tell him you’ll be out of the picture for 3 hours and don’t want to be disturbed and have a nap, a soak, watch a film, read a book, scroll MN, whatever you’d enjoy. If he’s reasonable and sees you as equal parents he’ll enthusiastically encourage you to rest.

Hadn't considered this. Thank you

You need to advocate for you DC. DC needs a caring father who does his fair share with DC and around the house. What do you think his reaction will be if you talk to him? Why are you scared to let him know that you and DC have needs?

Ah bless you. One reason I didn't have kids, not wanting to feel this way. So many just let us do it all. I didn't want that. I hope you get it sorted xx and even if you don't sit down for a big talk, do hand him the babies and go off for a bit. He does, why can't you?