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Parenting

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Original poster

How to decide age gap?!!

22 replies

Rosealldayy · 10/12/2022 21:40

DS is 1! It’s gone so fast and I love the little boy he’s become , but I also can’t wait to be able to be pregnant and have a new baby again :)

We know we can’t have another soon, 1) we need to move house 2) I need to finish paying some debt off 3) we need DS to qualify for free hours by the time the next baby goes to nursery! We couldn’t afford 2 sets of fees

So the earliest I could give birth is when DS is 2y3mo as I can take 9 months maternity leave, then he’d be 3 have free hours and we could roll onto the next lot of nursery fees.

However, I felt really guilty thinking of this and I felt bad thinking DS would be so young still and it’d be mean to do that

Thats stupid I know but I felt bad at the thought of a short age gap? Is that normal???

how did you all decide age gaps (if you were TTC or decided your age gap I’m aware some babies are suprises aha!, or TTC takes longer than planned)

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Athenen0ctua · 10/12/2022 21:44

I think an 18 month plus gap between pregnancies is perfectly reasonable and gives your body time to recover. I'd call 2 to 4 years a pretty normal age gap.

NuffSaidSam · 10/12/2022 21:46

I don't think a 2 year age gap is massively close together, it's a very common age gap. Lots of advantages to having them fairly close together. But there are lots of advantages to having a bigger age gap to. Just go with what feels right for you. Don't overthink it.

ShirleyPhallus · 10/12/2022 21:47

We had a small age gap as im ancient and we worried about being able to get pregnant but it was fine

Looking after a toddler and a baby full time would be hideous. I really mean that . It is exhausting and I think it’s good to have some time just with the baby so you can bond with them, and time for the toddler away so they can do stuff without bejng dragged around with a baby. If finances are important then I’d wait a bit longer, looking after 2 together will be hard so I’d put the toddler in nursery for a few days a week if you can afford it

Being pregnant with a toddler js much harder than newborn and toddler!

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QueenBeex · 10/12/2022 21:48

I've got a 3 year age gap (just) and personally think it's fine. If I have another I'd probably aim for anything between a 2 - 4 year age gap.

BingoBang · 10/12/2022 21:49

DC2 was always planned at some point, but not necessarily 2yrs (almost to the day) post DC1!
We made it work, my return to work was delayed slightly due to DGPs being unavailable to help with childcare so it was all good with our 30 hours.
There's never the perfect time for another baby!!

felulageller · 10/12/2022 21:55

I'd absolutely hate to have 2 in nappies or need a double buggy.

I would never plan a less than 3 year gap.

IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere · 10/12/2022 21:56

I have three kids, aged 5, 2 (nearly 3) and 1 - there's two and a half years between DD1 and DD2, and 21 months between DD2 and DD3.To me personally small age gaps were important, we made a pros and cons list when we were deciding whether or not to go for our third yet and ultimately we couldn't really think of many cons. Pros included being able to take them all on age-appropriate days out/trips, embracing more baby/toddler years while we were still in it rather than having to go back to it, and hopefully having our children be able to play together and be friends.I know it might not for everyone but so far it's worked out wonderfully and I'd never have it any other way! My three girls are all into the same sort of toys/TV shows, they're all very close and they play so lovely together. 🙂 The oldest two (so similar-ish sort of age gap you mentioned) are best friends.

IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere · 10/12/2022 21:57

(There were paragraphs in that but they seem to have disappeared, sorry. 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Sprouttreesareamazing · 10/12/2022 21:58

Closest gap here is under 13 months.. Biggest gap is 6 years. Best gap was one dc starting school and a new dc due!
Did enjoy a double buggy and 2 babies though it was hard. Whatever the gap get your pfb sleeping through well before your due date!

MolliciousIntent · 10/12/2022 22:00

That's the exact age gap we have, and the exact reason why, and it's brilliant.

MassiveSalad22 · 10/12/2022 22:00

I have a 2.5 year gap and a 4.5 year gap (so almost 7 years between oldest and youngest). 2 year gap is pretty standard and nice. Soooo many benefits to this bigger gap I have now too - 4.5 years means the older one is in school and I have the whole week with just the baby!

In the nicest way, you’ve been a parent for a year. You may get to the 2s/3s and think, wow I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this plus a baby! Or you could really love it still. You just don’t know until you’re in it. You deal with what you’ve got! There’s pros and cons to all gaps, you can even perhaps stay in your current house until new baby is 6 months old as they’ll be in your room that long?

Tallulasdancingshoes · 10/12/2022 22:02

Remember the free nursery hours don’t start on their 3rd birthday. They start the term after they turn 3. Ds’s birthday is September, but didn’t get his free hours until the January after his birthday.

QuiltedHippo · 10/12/2022 22:03

When is DC1s birthday? as the 30 free hours don't necessarily start when they're 3, we'll be 3 and 5 months here. You might have that sorted but thought I'd mention it as I had no idea!

OddBoots · 10/12/2022 22:06

We had 3y8m (4 school years) for various reasons, several of them financial both with the children small and then later on for university, not that DD decided to go in the end. There are many arguments for smaller and large gaps though, whatever works for you (and that biology allows) is right.

teachermummyme · 10/12/2022 22:10

I've just had my second baby and my first daughter is 5 and a half. We wouldn't have chosen this age gap - it's so big because we needed IVF to conceive and it took a while. That said, so far (8 weeks in) I'm loving the age gap! It's been an absolute god send that my oldest daughter is in school for six hours each day: it means that I can just sit on the sofa and watch TV feeding and cuddling the baby. I couldn't imagine having a toddler or preschooler around too - hats off to mums who do; I just don't know how I'd cope especially when the baby just wants to be fed and cuddled!

It's great also that my older daughter is at the age now where she sleeps well. Her sleep was terrible for years and I couldn't have coped with her waking in the night as well as the baby! My older daughter is really loving and genuinely helpful with her sister, and I'm sure once they're a little older they'll be really close. There's no jealousy or rivalry (yet!) and she's over the moon to be a big sister. There's five years between my sister and I and we're really close so I'm not worried about the larger gap in that respect.

Fully appreciate that most people wouldn't chose a five year age gap (indeed, we didn't choose that either!) but just putting it out there that there's a lot to love about leaving it a little longer!

Margo34 · 10/12/2022 22:10

I'm currently 22w pregnant and my DC1 will be 2.5y when baby arrives. The gap feels massive! It has taken longer than we hoped to get here, too, so factor in that possibility too (we started TTC when DC1 was 11m). Also just to add: the 3yo nursery funding starts from the term after the child turns 3y (not as soon as they turn 3).

MassiveSalad22 · 10/12/2022 22:14

DD was born April 1st so doesn’t get free hours til September 🙃🙃🙃

SallyWD · 10/12/2022 22:16

There's 2 years 3months between my two. It's fine, not that close. They often play really nicely together.

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 10/12/2022 22:24

I have a 18 month gap and 3.5 year gap between my children. The 3.5 year gap was career related and not something I'd have chosen, I didn't really want anything bigger than a 2 year gap. I was very lucky in that I fell pregnant immediately everytime I tried (I did have a miscarriage at 9 weeks between 2 and 3 but was pregnant again the next month). I don't like large age gaps, I have massive age gaps with my siblings (my parents chose it that way) you at are completely different stages. If I was you I'd start trying for the smallest age gap you can practically manage as it might not happen right away, even if it did the first time round.

Original poster

Rosealldayy · 10/12/2022 22:24

His birthday was a few days ago he’s just turned 1 so he’d get the free hours in the term starting after January 1st!

So would pretty much be 2y3mo (and a few weeks aha!)

loving the different responses so far :) obviously I don’t have to make a choice anytime soon I just wanted different opinions which I’m glad to see

OP posts:

FlamingoBabe · 11/12/2022 10:11

I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and have a 10 month old so will have an 18mth age gap. It wasn’t “planned” per se and don’t really want to think about nursery fees BUT I think it’s going to be so lovely having them similar ages and activities etc will suit both of them rather than having to think of different things and have one bored. Although I am under no illusion it will be easy (:

CarrotSoupwithCheese · 11/12/2022 10:22

22 month gap between my first 2 and 2 and a half years between the second and third. So we have a 4 ish year age gap between oldest and youngest, and I have to say they have an amazing bond. 22 months was intense but they play so well together and are close. But in comparison the 2.5 year age gap felt so relaxing (until lockdown happened and it all went to shit). I’d say there is no perfect age gap and whether siblings get on or not is largely personality.

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