9 year old girl behaviour

[Pineapplestropical]

9 year old dd. Very argumentative, defensive, mean to her sisters, bad language and little respect. Been like this since she was about 7, peaking at age 8 to 9. At school very quiet, only has one close friend since nursery. Doing average academically. Has mild dyslexia. Is overweight. Recently some boys have called her fat etc this has been semi sorted out with me informing the parents and them apologising to her. Since found out she got into an arugument with a girl who pushed her on the climbing frame and she called her fat in retaliation. I was so cross with her as im fighting her corner and she's using same words others have used on her against others. Im at my wits end as she makes family life so difficult with constant refusing to follow instructions, room very messy, being rude generally and unpleasant. She's started signs of puberty i wouldn't be surprised with 5 being overweight (refuses to exercise even in a fun way) that she will stsrt her period soon. Please could someone advise me if they've ever been in similar situation? What did u do to get ur dd on your side? To improve the behaviour? Any advice /tips? Im so worried about her going forward in the real world with her personality. My other 3 dds are so different are respectful and loving to me and each other and have many friends.

Can you have some time alone with her to see if she will open up to you? A day out or something?

I give her time every night at bedtime and sometimes we get some time together on our own. She's really nice and lovely but then goes back to her default when asked to do something she doesn't want to.

She's struggling to control her emotions which is very common. Remind yourself of when she is nice and pleasant and try not to take it personally. Find things to do together that she will like, even simple and cheap things.

Try not to stock too much junk food if you don't already (I've finally learned) as this will help teach everyone good habits and also helps with mental health.

If she’s started going through precocious puberty she might find speaking to someone helps as she’s probably embarrassed to be physically more mature bearing in mind she probably isn’t emotionally.