Abuse --trigger DV--

[Blackeyesbluetears]

OK. Bare with me.

This morning I've been headbutted three times and punched in the face. Yesterday I was shoved and kicked and pinched.

Every single day I'm injured. This morning I'm crying as the final headbutt took me by.surprise and caught me on the cheekbone. Its now warm and throbbing but it's fine - I'll wear makeup to cover up any bruise.

Would any of you tolerate this from anyone? I picked myself up, made breakfast and chatted as normal. In what world is a woman encouraged to endure being physically attacked and then to.carry on?

I was tempted to do one of those reveal things. But it's pointless.

This is my son. In what world is it OK? Every single day I'm hurt and injured by him. This incident was because he's hungry. I love him fiercely with all my might but how is it fair?

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Parenting is hard enough without coping with additional needs. I would chip in on a post about an abusive partner but I'm afraid I wouldn't know the first thing about any advice to give you regarding a child. Unfortunately I think most women would have opinions about how to cope/deal with an aggressive grownup but our advice wouldn't be relevant or helpful for your situation. It's not that we don't care but acknowledge our lack of experience in offering help.
I really hope you get some good advice as you must be tearing your hair out.
I think you should phone the GP after every incident and then they would be keen to refer you on.
Good luck.

I don't think the lack of replies indicates that people think it's acceptable. I personally think it reflect the complexity of the situation - and for that reason posters aren't sure exactly how to help and what to advise, precisely because it's your child and not a partner.

With a violent partner, giving advice to LTB is easy - he's hitting you in the face so you call the police and get the fuck out. It's pretty straightforward in terms of what the consensus would be.

With your young child being violent towards you? Not so simple and straightforward. And I think that's why there are fewer replies, OP.

Just another way of looking at it.

I echo the recommendation for The Explosive Child. Had very similar experience. Consequences don’t work as they escalate things and people say things like “you need to be firm and clear” etc. etc. which is entirely unhelpful as being firm and clear makes no difference when you’re getting punched.

My child is now 9 and I almost never get hit now, age does help. All his ND traits are there but manifest themselves differently as the frustration and anger gets expressed but with those extra couple of years, they can access the therapy etc. that they need in a more meaningful way.

That doesn’t help now of course but wanted to share that it can get better. Also found Early Help no help at all. Came out to see us, never got in touch again…

If you can't get support from the proper authorities can you find help and advice from others in the same situation. You must feel very isolated and alone. Speaking to others in the same situation might help you cope.

Unfortunately I mostly have to restrain him otherwise things get broken. He even tips furniture. Which is incredible.

When restraining him we have to.make sure we have all limbs and some how avoid both teeth and a flailing head. We just repeat over and over again "I love you. I will hold you until you calm. I love you." Generally with tears in my eyes.

We had a camhs rejection from our self referral despite adding that there was self harm involved, violence towards family members, his sibling being scared and damage to our property and stuff. They said speech and language issues can make them feel frustrated. There is ZERO speech and language issue present.

Sorry for posting in the wrong place. I do hit these low ebbs occasionally.

Can you video him so they witness whats happening. Place cameras in livingroom/bedroom. Keep a diary, whats happened, what the situation was, eg hungry/tired etc. i hope you manage to get some help x

@Blackeyesbluetears if you report your own post and ask Mumsnet to move it, I think you'll get more support and advice.

I have no idea what to suggest but I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hopefully you will get some great advice on parenting or SN board. ❤️

Thanks to.mn for moving my post over

Hi @Blackeyesbluetears I was expecting to see this thread moved to SN rather than parenting, which might be why you've had no further replies.

@Blackeyesbluetears you really need this moved to SN rather than parenting, the parenting board can be really quiet at times.

Hope you're doing ok?

I'm ok. Had a huge row with husband over housework as it just feels impossible to get stuff done.

Ds1 was diagnosed with autism on Monday. Apparently he has almost no conversation skills and is very sensory seeking and has little to no understanding of emotions