I can’t cope with being a mum any more.

[Olithar]

I have three kids (13,9 & 18months old) I have a partner who is hit and miss. I’m done. I only work 4 days a week. My day starts at 6am, by 8:30pm I haven’t even had five minutes alone. It’s just a constant stream of ‘can you do’ ‘can I have’, ‘where is this’, ‘I need X for tomorrow’, ‘’I lost my PE kit’, and if it’s not that, it’s arguing amongst themselves, tears, door slamming, toddle tantrums, things being broken, ‘I’ve just vomited and blocked the sink’. All that on top of the general house hold stuff of 4 million wash loads, constant stream of dirty dishes, a house that hasn’t been truly clean since we moved in around early 2021. It’s a fucking nightmare. I dread weekends and my favourite day of the week is that drive to work on a Monday morning before the stress of work hits. My head feels like it’s vibrating from the stress. I won’t make it to retirement. I’m just gonna drop dead from stress at some point. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do anything fun. I’ve still got an 18 month old hanging off my tit (now regretting breast feeding). I just wanna run away as I can’t cope.

Bless you, you're right at the peak of it at the moment, with those age ranges.

All I can suggest is prioritising- some things can wait- and getting help where you can. Anything you can do that looks after you, anything that relieves the load on you, say yes.

I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and need a break and your partner to share the load with you. Also, can you perhaps see if the older girls can help each other out or do housework tasks as a team to earn some pocket money etc?…
Make time each week to have a night to yourself… and a lie in on one of the weekend days… fitting in ‘me time’ will help as will squeezing in some exercise to give you more resilience. Hope this helps…

Sorry to read this.

What’s changed? Presumably you liked being a mum enough to have a third, and your first two must have been old enough by then that you properly understood what being a mum involved. Were you happy before? What has changed?

Are you lacking support from your partner? What do you mean hit and miss?

I also work 4 days a week and even though I get a day off per week, I still carry the same mental load as a full time employee. It’s tough if you also do the bulk of the parenting.

God that sounds so hard, especially with the age gaps. Where is your partner in all of this? Obviously he should be contributing massively and it sounds like he isn't. Is he the Dad to all 3?

Can you afford a cleaner? I’m about to do this as I have similar feelings to you of being completely overwhelmed by our three children and hope it will make some positive changes.

Have a secret day off. Book a days holiday from work and dont tell anyone. Kids go to school/childminder/nursery or wherever they usually go.

You leave the house on Monday as usual for work and go have a fucking day to yourself. You more than deserve it.

Are all 3 your partner’s? How’s he hit and miss? Sharing the load if there’s someone to do it with would make the biggest difference.

Hand the children to daddy and go out Christmas shopping for the day. You need a break. Tell him you have a break now, or a breakdown later. It’s non negotiable. Despite all the stress you need to start deputising the lazy bugger and bringing him into the fold- frankly telling him he is in and what he needs to do.

I’ll say upfront don’t have any words of wisdom, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.

I’ve got one 10mo, still on MAT leave, and often find everything I have to do at home overwhelming - and my husband cooks most of our meals so I don’t have to think about that daily task!

I’m also due to go back to work 4 days a week and already worried about how I’ll mentally cope with the demands of work and home. So I can only say while it’s obviously not sustainable I personally think it’s totally understandable to feel overwhelmed by it all.

Love Laurappo’s suggestion of using some holiday to get some rest, I would totally do that.

Sounds like your partner isn’t providing much support? Could you talk to them about how you feel and ask for some more help, or is that a no go?

Obviously finances allowing some household help too - I am looking into getting a cleaner to come once a month next year just to take the pressure off (one week off cleaning a month is better than none!).

It might also be worth speaking with your GP (or in some areas like mine you can self refer online without talking to your GP) for some talking therapy - just thinking from the angle that maybe life is overwhelming sometimes and our ability to mentally cope with it is the only thing we can control at that point in time.

x

@Olithar You have my sympathy, I've got same number of children very similar ages and it's full on, there aren't enough hours in a day and I'm knackered. Someone is always ill too. I hope your DP can step in and give you some much needed help. You need you time. You can't go on like that, you need some support.

“Also, can you perhaps see if the older girls can help each other out or do housework tasks as a team to earn some pocket money etc?…”

Yes get those girls scivvying - god forbid we’d suggest the actual father step up. 🙄

Your older 2 are more than old enough and capable of helping you out OP. Implement a chore chart, and set out what is expected of them.
Stop BF tomorrow. and get the older kids and their Dad to help feed the little one.