I’m too embarrassed to ask for help because people comment on how well I’m doing.

[MickeyMouseShithouse]

I don’t know if this is a cry for help or just a place to vent, but I think I need to do something.

I’m really struggling with parenting - I struggle being on my own with both kids all day. I am back at work but I’ve had to take my holidays so I’m mostly at home with the kids. I cant afford to put them both into nursery although my eldest will go back with 30 free hours next year.

My eldest is going through a rough patch of pushing boundaries and being defiant. All normal and she’s not overly naughty - I know she just testing and generally I think she’s the most wonderful little person. But there comes a point in the day when I am completely and utterly overwhelmed and I can’t cope, it turns me horrible and I find myself snapping and shouting for the rest of the afternoon, then going to bed upset that I’ve been in such a horrible mood.

I struggle with anxiety anyway, I always have and I’ve had CBT but it’s always remained to some degree, I think its a combination of constantly being on edge.. and constantly feeling like I’ve got one child pulling on one arm while the other tugs the other arm and I’m under work much pressure trying to give them equal attention.

Everytime I try to tell DP I’m struggling I just get “well it is hard, it’s hard for me too” “I’m tired too” “my work is hard too” which I get he’s totally valid to feel however stressed he wants, but he gets to go to work 5 days a week away from the kids. I don’t. I just feel like I’m being ignored.

I can’t really talk to anyone else because whenever we have people round or we go out people praise me on how well behaved the kids are and how together I’ve got it and as nice as it is to get compliments like that I just feel like I must be subconsciously putting on some sort of show for everyone else because I don’t feel like I’ve got it together at all. So I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone I’m struggling because I feel like I almost won’t be believed.. or I might be met with eye rolls of ‘how are you struggling when your kids aren’t even naughty’ sort of thing. I don’t know. I just don’t know what else to do if I’m honest.

Oh my - it is hard. You’re definitely not alone in feeling that. I assume your DC are really young if eldest not yet at nursery and you’re just back from maternity leave with DC2.

I am back at work but I’ve had to take my holidays so I’m mostly at home with the kids.

he gets to go to work 5 days a week away from the kids. I don’t.

Are you working part-time? How are your finances structured - you say DP so you’re not married? Is it the case that your household can’t afford nursery/childcare or your wages aren’t enough? Because you need this to be fair if you’re unmarried and you’re taking the brunt of the hit to earnings.

You do sound like you’re doing a brilliant job but you can still ask for help. No one who loves you would judge you.

@NoSquirrels Thanks for your reply.
My eldest is 3 this month, my youngest gets is 8 months.

I’m back at work twice a week currently, I work from home so it’s not much of an escape from the kids while they’re not in nursery - I don’t mean for drip feed but DD is in nursery on the two days I work currently, I just can’t afford to put them both into nursery until DD gets her free hours.

The household can’t afford nursery for both children; DP and I have a joint bank account where all of our wages go, the bills get paid and then we take an equal sum for ourselves for hobbies and ‘niceties’ so it really couldn’t be more fair financially.

We’re not yet married, we get married next September though.

We are generally not too bad financially, which is why it’s frustrating because although we have a comfortable amount of money left over after bills are paid, especially now I’m back at work and we’re not living off a full wage and a MAT pay. It’s just not quite enough to put them both in nursery - and if I’m honest the baby is quite easy, I find it much less stressful working from home with him home than I do not working and having them both home together.

I appreciate the kind words, it means a lot when todays been rough and I feel like I’m seconds away from a heart attack or a breakdown.

do you have any grandparents or family to take the older one for a few hours each week for a break?

@MoaningMyrtle202 unfortunately not.

I do have parents, but they both work and when they are free I appreciate that they also want to have some free time. We do visit regularly and they do babysit when we need it - like Friday my DP is having his vasectomy so we get a ‘lovely’ child free day then 😂 they’ll be home in the evening and I’m hoping DD will help me TLC her daddy back into full health by the end dog the weekend 😅