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Fearful toddler

11 replies

MotherOfDragon20 · 07/12/2022 12:20

My DD just turned 2 a few weeks ago. I know fears are common in this age group but she just seems so frightened of so many things and it worries me that she’s showing signs of anxiety. She’s terrified of hoovers but it doesn’t seem to be the noise itself as she doesn’t mind the cordless dyson but will become hysterical at the Henry 😵‍💫. Seen some inactive steam trains at the museum she was scared, doesn’t like planes in the sky, started to be unsure of the tumble drier despite it never been an issue before. Doesn’t like elderly people especially men with breads (including Santa). She’s very apprehensive about new places but usually comes round. It’s hard to see any theme to her fears but the list seems to be growing every day. Does this seem within the realms of normal for her age?

for context, otherwise she’s developing normally, speech is very good for her age but of course still a bit young to explain what she’s worried about. She constantly looks for reassurance about things she’s frightened of by asking if it’s “ok?”. She’s out first child and she’s never experienced any trauma. There’s no shouting at home or anything like that so she doesn’t seem to have anything to be anxious about!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MINTYTULIP · 08/12/2022 11:56

Is it ALL sounds or just some? Have you ruled out things like sensory processing disorder?
My DD is 2.5 and has always been a jumpy baby and very sensitive overall and alot can depend on her mood if it bothers her - sometimes ambulances are ok and sometimes she gets really upset!

MotherOfDragon20 · 08/12/2022 17:22

Tbh it doesn’t seem like just noises, for example she’s absolutely fine with the hairdryer and loud crowds etc but hates hoovers, and the steam trains don’t make any noise! The only thing I can pin point is that she seems to hate big machinery 🧐 and obviously she’s very scared of strangers and strange places which isn’t a sound issue. I know toddlers are strange little things it’s sometimes hard to know what’s normal toddler behaviours and what is something more, ahh!!

OP posts:
BenHolland · 31/03/2023 07:47

My DD is nearing 3 and is also scared of random stuff! Hoover is especially terrifying and she asks for it to be put in the cupboard whenever she sees it. We live in a city so loud trucks and stuff don't bother her, but then a goat at a petting zoo with scare the daylights out of her!

Very stand offish with new men as well and takes a long time to let them near her.

Otherwise all seems ok (I hope)...I think she is just a bit shy?

Hope all well with yours!

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Mumdiva99 · 31/03/2023 08:00

I've had 3. . One was and is scared of lots of things. Is quite anxious. I find the best way to deal with it is to be sympathetic. It's not pandering. It's reassuring. Eventually in time she usually gets there.... she's 13 now and has walked to her friends alone last holiday.....that was a big thing for her. She is confident walking to school but others places cause anxiety. She is just slower to try new things than her brothers and more cautious. Don't push it.

(actually I think it might have been my youngest I couldn't hoover around....at all.....he's 11 and now no hoover issues!!)

Shemovesshemoves21 · 31/03/2023 08:02

From my experience, it seems fairly normal. Mine went through stages of loving some things and then being scared of them. Men with beards are quite a common one, I think (based on mine and friends kids!). I just reassured every time and said if never do anything to make her scared. Some things that need to be done (like hoovering) I'd warn her it was going on, gave her thrice of covering her ears, or she could go in another room whilst it was being done. Mine is quite shy and I would never make her say hello to strangers if she didn't want to - for me that's more to do with her own boundaries and making sure she doesn't feel the need to be pleasant to odd people when she gets older. All in all, it was a phase for everything, some lasting longer than others.

Nimbostratus100 · 31/03/2023 08:06

Its fine, dont forget toddlers are preprogrammed to be on the look out for predators that would turn them into a tasty snack! and to wanting to be close the their parents for reassurance

People get very worked up about toddler fear of "monsters" and go looking for trauma in their lives, when it is purely an innate instinct.

Lots of reassurance, but make it regular rather than prolonged - cuddle and sympathy, then big smile and distraction.

BenHolland · 31/03/2023 08:11

Thanks! That is reassuring. It is strange that I assume she has to instantly like people just because I like them...6 foot hairy people must be unnerving when you aren't even 3 feet tall yet!

Nimbostratus100 · 31/03/2023 08:16

BenHolland · 31/03/2023 08:11

Thanks! That is reassuring. It is strange that I assume she has to instantly like people just because I like them...6 foot hairy people must be unnerving when you aren't even 3 feet tall yet!

completely normal, she has learnt to distinguish between "her" people and "other people" - a normal and healthy stage of development.

I have fostered children who have attachment disorders and don't reach this stage, and it is a nightmare trying to teach them personal safety and boundaries, try explaining to an oblivious 6 year old why they can't follow a "nice looking" man into the mens toilet and try and get into the cubicle with him under the door because he looked friendly.....

shutthewindownow · 31/03/2023 08:25

I think the important thing here is how you handle it. You need to be very confident. You are the role model. Don't let her see this is worrying you. The more situations you expose her to the better and you must act bold and set that example to her. My friends child was like this from a toddler. My daughter was the saMe age as her. We used to have play dates etc. her girl was so nervous about everything and my friend would cuddle her all the time and keep her on her lap. My friends worry was clear and I think the child knew and it really made it worse. How you handle this will have a lot to do with how it Pans out as she gets older.

LBFseBrom · 31/03/2023 09:00

I think it is quite normal at two and your daughter will outgrow it. My son was the same at that age, so was I. These are normal phases. Maybe she doesn't like the face on the Henry. I remember my mum had an old Goblin vacuum cleaner which she used for the bedrooms, it was kept upstairs in a cupboard on the landing in a box with a horrible picture on it. I was also scared of feathers (everyone had feather pillows in those days which came out), and the spiky bit of stem on tomatoes.

Time will change this, honestly, for now lots of cuddles and reassurances.

BenHolland · 01/04/2023 07:18

Thanks for all the feedback!

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