Should I limit dd1's contact with....

[junkinmytrunk]

my 19yr sister.

My sister will hate me but we feel like we have no choice.

My sister still lives at home and her attitude is awful. She snaps at my parents for the slightest thing, answers them back no end and all she cares about is how she looks (hair, makeup, clothes etc)

Now I know that most teenagers are like this but dd1 is 5yrs and really looks up to her. She's beginning to notice how my sister treats my parents and I can see it rubbing off onto her in a small ways. She's becoming conscious of how she looks esp since my sister told her that a certain pair of trousers made dd1 look fat!!!

I'm not saying that she can't see her, I just want to limit it. My sister has just rang up asking for dd1 to stay over tonight but I said no, using dd1's asthma as an excuse, as I want to be around when she's with her. It also upsets dd2(2yrs) as she isn't asked to stop over and dd1 seems to go all the time.

AM I doing the right thing or am I being to overprotective?

No I don't think you're being overprotective, you have to do what you feel is best for your children. Perhaps a serious conversation with your sister, explain your concerns etc, won't be easy but might be better than saying nothing and have your sister feel like you're freezing her our, that could end up in a HUGE row
Good luck

I can't have a grown up conversation with her, she'll just blow up at me and storm off, expecting me to go after her to placate her.

I have spoken to my mum about it and she's going to explain hopefully better than me

I think you may be doing the right thing.
Tread carefully and try to be relaxed about it. It sort of sounds as if they are hanging around as 'friends' rather than as aunt and neice ...

personally I find it mildly odd for a 19yo to ask a 5yo to sleepover ...totally understand if a 5yo invites their favourite aunt to sleepover or pesters mum to let them sleepover at aunts house etc, but just find the 19yo initiating it a little strange...
I don't mean that to sound bad, judgemental, scary or anything like that, just saying I find it a bit odd.

Woudl your sister take kindly to gentle word in her ear about how you know little girls ove playing at being big girls...but dd1 is only 5 and is still a little girl and that your don't want her to start acting as if she is 14 until she is 14.

They are very close and my sister always spent a lot of time with my dd's.
She loves children and I have to say is very good with them.

But when she is at home the way she treats my parents is disgusting and we regularly fall out as I can't stand there and let her talk to my parents like that. My mom & dad are just fed up of her as well but I think they are that tired of it , they try to ignore her behaviour.

I have thought about having a quiet word with her but I know it will end badly.

Think it sounds good plan to limit contact to you sister visiting your dd rather than other way round if that helps you avoid exposing your dd to too many examples of 'bad behaviour' towards parents etc.
Unless you or your mum are successful in gently pointing out to your sister that she is a brilliant aunt and great with children and dd loves her and you really appreciate her spending time/babysitting etc etc but because of all this, dd is also picking up on her behaviour (and attitudes towards bottom size!) and so could she be a little bit careful about that sort of thing please.

My sister sounds like yours!!

She would have been 19 when DS was 5. She loves children and would occasionally ring to ask if she could take DS to cinema, stop over, etc.

Her attitude at home is terrible (but I reckon mine probably was at that age too!!) but I know that when DS was there they would just go upstairs with DVD's, popcorn, etc so he didn't see it.

Don't you think it would be better discussing the situation with her yourself as you don't want it to appear that everyone has been talking about her.

If done in the right way, hopefully she'll understand. Rather than mentioning reducing their contact just ask "could you be careful about what you say/do when she's around she's picking up some strange stuff atm" and explain about the fat comments, etc.

If this doesn't work then you have good grounds to limit contact and if she makes a fuss you can explain you have already spoken about her behaviour in front of your dd and she hasn't taken any heed.

Can't you be a but more general about it... if it were my sister then I'd say something like..

..."Grr, little Mildred told me to "get lost" today.... what is it you're teaching her???" (chuckle)

and hope she takes a hint.

but then my sister isn't immature and narky.

Oh just read SB6699 and totally agree with her tactful approach

I have tried countless times to have a quiet word with her anout her behaviour in front of dd's and not matter how tactful or easy going I am, she blows up at me.

She'll use words I obviously don't want them hearing and when I say " please don't say * in front of dd's" I get told to "relax" or "get lost"

And now my mum has rung and is hacked off because I won't dd1 stop over tonight...great!

Rather than just comments when it happens, you could try the approach "Are you busy, can I talk to you about something important. I don't want to fall about this but..."

That way you are getting the message across that you are serious about this rather than just nagging about her language, etc.

Unfortunately, if it doesn't work I'm not really sure what you can do if her behaviour really is that bad that you are worried about the effect on your dd.

Shame about your mum though, she hasn't done anything wrong but the result is that her contact with her gc's will be limited too. Afraid its understandable she's a bit peeved.

TBH if she can't be an adult and have a serious conversation with you she isn't fit to look after your child.

Sister has just rang me and asked to pick dd1 up from school, so I agreed to that and then she can bring her home and I have supervision.

I know why my mum is upset but I said i'll take them both round tomorrow for an hour or two and then I can take dd2 along as well.

I never thought I'd end up stuck in the middle of my kids, my mum and my sister!