Help! Toddler birthday parties…

[PanettoneMoly]

DD has been invited to two 3rd birthday parties in the next few weeks which I, for one, am RIDICULOUSLY excited about. She’s 2, so obviously not as fussed though she’ll love to see her friends.

However I haven’t been to a kids party since, well, I was an actual child and certainly wasn’t worrying about presents and general party etiquette back then.

Questions currently rolling round my head are

1. how much do I use as a rule-of-thumb budget per present?
2. do I need to take anything for the parent hosting the party, like you would a dinner party?
3. what’s the level of parental involvement expected? 90% of the other kids will be at nursery with DD and known to her, so I assume I don’t have to police every single interaction like I would with complete stranger-tots at soft play.

DD will be an only child and a lot of the kids at nursery will go to the same school with her so I need me not to ruin this for her 😔 I’d like to give her the best chance of being involved & invited, and not be forgotten or left out because her mum made a wrong turn at ‘that 3rd birthday party in 2022’. I catastrophise but you get the gist.

Any advice much appreciated 🙏

I do between £10-20
Only been to one party hosted at home and didn't take anything, nobody else did either.
This was a party for a 3 year old and some were 2. Parents helped kids play pass the parcel etc if needed and helped their child at lunch time. Chatted amongst ourselves

You're over thinking!

Hey there, I totally get it, taking the leap into kids’ socialising can feel like a big one. You won’t ruin it for her though!

As PP said, I tend to spend between £10 and £20 but it’s very flexible and no one will bat an eyelid if you spend less.

You don’t take anything for the parent.

At 2 going on 3, you don’t have to police every interaction with kids she knows but I’d expect you to keep an eye out in a big way and to step in if she was having difficulty, needed help, not sharing, etc. My pet hate at parties tends to be when the parents just step back and take a break. The party parents will have a lot on their hands so they can’t sort out all the kids.

Do take the opportunity to chat with parents though - they’re an important network for you.

Depending on what your DC’s understanding is like, you could talk her through beforehand what’s going to happen. There’ll be games, we need to take turns. There’s a cake, you’ll have to wait while that’s being cut. There’ll be presents, they’re not for you (!) you’ll get presents at your party. And so on.

Thanks a lot! Yes, I am definitely over-thinking it, possibly a curse from avidly reading MN with dire warnings about what happens if you have an only child and how you need to go the extra mile so they don’t end up in prison.

Oh, and also, do we show up bang on time, or fashionably late like I would for friends, because you want to give them the extra 15 mins to clear away the last of the washing off the airer?

I bulk buy kids presents when they're discounted, Disney barbies, board games and playdough sets. Usually spend £4-6 to get something around double that value.

At 2, there'll be a lot of parental involvement, no need to take anything for the host parents, the gift is enough. If it's in their home then maybe a box of chocs but not needed.

I'd spend between £5-£10 🙂

Don't take anything for the parent.

No don't need to police every interaction, just keep one eye on her to make sure she's playing nicely.

Turn up on time 👍🏻 not late, that would be rude. Couple of mins early wouldn't be a big deal.

Turn up on time, not late.
Nothing for the parent.
Up to £10 for a present, but don’t stress if that’s a push for you. Things like a pack of crayons would be fine.
Take a birthday card.
Keep an eye on your child but don’t hover over them.
It makes a difference if party is at someone’s house - I assume this is the case - but some might go to a soft play centre, for example. If the former, I would probably offer to help wash, lay things out, etc.

I had serious anxiety about DD1's first nursery party invite in October, because it would be the first time going to something like that where I didn't know another parent or child (DH stayed home with dd2) and I'm massively introverted.

I spent around £15 on a gift and am using between £10 & £15 as my budget (more if they are closer friends of the family)

It was in a village hall, so I didn't take anything for the parents, but we have since kept in touch and took the girls on a soft play date which was really nice.

Parental involvement was more watching DD from a seat at the side as the children ran about and played and then watched the magician. Then I stood with her as they served the party food. I guess it's very much depends on the set up and child. Some of the children were sitting on their parents knee for the magician (dd sat on birthday girl's mum's knee and she'd only just met her!)

Have a couple of conversation starters in your head:
How do you know birthday child?
Which child is yours?
It's always so funny watching them play/dance/best the crap out of each other at parties at this age...

present between £5-£10
dont take anything
you will need to keep an eye- first nursery party the oblivious parents put out glass jars of sweets and left the cake on a table- me and another mum spent the whole party trying to stop our kids pulling these things off the table- they were 2.5yrs old.

Don't take a present, put some money in a card.

Can you imagine your child being given an extra 20-30 presents? Wtf would you do with them all? (Regift them at all the other parties).

Disclaimer: I have 3 DC and am probably cynical

A birthday card! Of course! Thanks for all the tips, and I’d have totally forgotten the actual card 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m going to take a present for the mo’ until I can gauge the “cash in a card” situation a bit better.

Thinking consumables (they can always go in the re-gift pile) and maybe some cute hair clips which can be put in for nursery and therefore will disappear immediately off the face of the earth, thus addressing the “what do you do with all the extra stuff?” question. In this case, lose it.

honestly dont over think it, a book from the works, or a colouring book and some crayons- perfectly fine

A puzzle is always a solid gift too, we did them for the first few parties. In our house at least they get used over and over and I don't count them as clutter as they're good for the brain! The works is good for little sets of 4 with varying numbers of pieces :) We also spend about £10.