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Original poster

Refusing to get dressed help!!! 4 yr old

20 replies

Mam2highspiritedchild · 05/12/2022 22:10

My 4 year old girl has recently started refusing to get dressed in the morning & at night. She says the clothes hurt her. She refuses socks the most. She has absolute melt downs over putting clothes on, strips off again & I give her 30 mins to do it. I give her choices (she will refuse them all), I turn the socks inside out, she throws them off. She throws a fit for PJs & pull ups at night, screaming for over an hour. Won’t wear tights. All her favorite dresses, she now refuses. We are down to one pair of shoes when she used to wear different ones everyday. Its so draining & mentally exhausting trying to get a non-naked child out the door. She will get dressed for her teachers in Playschool but not me? She’s been difficult since she was born. Every single thing is a battle. Anyone have this or tips to get through it?

OP posts:

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Orangesare · 05/12/2022 22:11

Having a dressing race with a prize sometimes helps (one chocolate button for the winner)

upfucked · 05/12/2022 22:14

Sounds like sensory issue. Get some seamless socks. Try her in soft practical clothes a size too big with the labels cut out.

giftswap2021 · 05/12/2022 22:14

Yes we have had this. One smartie for every item of clothing!🙈

Would "Santa" bribery work?? 🥴🙊 anything goes here if it works!

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4 year olds Families General parenting

Sprouttreesareamazing · 05/12/2022 22:15

Shame if she missed xy or z because she was messing about...

Aria999 · 05/12/2022 22:33

upfucked · 05/12/2022 22:14

Sounds like sensory issue. Get some seamless socks. Try her in soft practical clothes a size too big with the labels cut out.

Yes, this.

cestlavielife · 05/12/2022 22:35

Read "the out of synch child"

Beautifulsunflowers · 05/12/2022 22:41

If it’s sensory then I have no ideas and don’t want to try and suggest anything that may be detrimental to her however if it’s not sensory and she just being a 4 year old trying your patience then….
as others have suggested a race to get dressed with a prize
or could you allow her to choose her own clothes? Leave her to get dressed and tell her breakfast will be ready in 15 mins - call her for breakfast and if she’s naked then so be it - tricky if you need to leave the house though! Give her the power back - let her make choices - even if that means wearing mismatched clothes/pyjamas go nursery/school.
Does she still need pull ups at night? She could be fighting against them if she’s not needing them during the day?

carefulcalculator · 05/12/2022 22:44

She says the clothes hurt her. She refuses socks the most.

It sounds like the clothes hurt her, expecially the socks. I would take this at face value and try to alleviate the discomfort. I would not assume it was behavioural.

AnOldCynic · 05/12/2022 22:48

In what other ways has she been difficult? I agree sensory processing disorder is likely. How is she with noise?

mistopheles · 05/12/2022 22:48

The only socks my DS will wear are www.marksandspencer.com/MSFindItemsByKeyword?searchTerm=sensory+socks&intid=normal&langId=-24&storeId=10151&catalogId=10051&categoryId=0

Clothes have to be super soft and sometimes labels need cutting out. If he says he can't wear something he really means it. He developed this sensitivity around age 5 or 6 I think. Maybe your DD is the same?

Bluerisotto · 05/12/2022 22:59

My DD was like this at a similar age but has grown up fine and had no sensory issues. It was just a phase, a very stressful one. I think to do with wanting control of her own life in some way. I have no advice though!

One thought though...maybe if a different choice of clothes doesn't do it, try a different time of getting dressed, a different order to the morning?

Whydidimarryhim · 06/12/2022 07:09

When she’s in school and the teachers do it - is she screaming - if not then I think you have your answer.

Smileyclouds · 06/12/2022 07:23

My DD went through a similar phase for about 1.5 years, although she was a little younger than yours. It was so exhausting so I really feel for you.

What helped (although not easy) was believing her and listening without judgement when she said her clothes hurt, and seeing her behaviour as a clue to emotions. Having one outfit that she wore almost all the time (which was hard for us but easier for her). Letting her get dressed when she arrived at a location but making sure she was wearing at least something to get out of the car. Talking to Health Visitor and reading Raising Your Spirited Child book.

Mine also had no problems getting dressed at nursery. What I read was that at nursery they feel they should conform, but at home your children can be their true selves and their behavior comes out.

It's still a work in progress for us but it did get better. I'm thankful every time she will get dressed now without a fuss. Good luck and you're not alone!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 06/12/2022 07:35

OP - DD2 did this. She is 4y 8m.

No sensory issues, but I noticed clothes were a bit tight. E.g. school tights in size 4-5 and maybe 5-6 would be better.

Also got some stuff in softer/ seamless.

Then, it's you get dressed and get a star on your chart or Mummy does it and no star. Here's Mummy's phone with a timer on for 3 mins, I'm leaving the room./ not looking - you choose.

Always works. it is also an independence thing.

Mind you, DD2 meltdowns are not "true" meltdowns in the sense that they are temper tantrums not full loss of control or alienation from her surroundings iyswim. She is NT afaik

So that might not apply to a ND child.

emilygox · 06/12/2022 08:01

My son is the same but I think he has SPD, unfortunately it's just part of our life now and we make it an easy as possible for him.
He has 1 pair of shoes, 1 pair of socks and 1 pair of pants that are safe.. even if I buy the exact same pair he knows which are the right ones 🙄
School allow him to wear joggers and a school polo as school trousers are a no no!
He doesn't like cuffs, hoods, elastic waistbands that are too lumpy, seams, anything itchy, anything that feels too big or too small.. it's honestly draining but we've learnt to accommodate.
He also doesn't like loud noises, yet he is loud himself 🤷🏽‍♀️ doesn't like foods touching on a plate, hates feeling sweaty, struggles to have his hair washed, brush his teeth.. the list in endless!
I'd just try and make her as comfortable as possible, whether it's wearing the same clothes everyday.. my son went to nursery many times in his PJs and crocs!
She may grow out of it, she may not but bribing or forcing her if she says they hurt isn't going to help unfortunately, we've been there and tried it all.

Flowerytray · 06/12/2022 08:07

I went through this for a couple of years with my son at nursery then continued at school.

I don't think that it was a sensory thing though. I just took him out in pants and shies and handed his clothes to the nursery workers and they got him dressed.

It ended at school when he was embarrassed to go into school in pyjamas. He would never wear coats all childhood either.

ChristmasCakeAndStilton · 06/12/2022 08:13

DS (now 11yr) is a bit like this.
He wears one style of shorts. One brand of teeshirts - ideally washed a gazillion times before first use. Can't have any pictures on the front, or stitched in designs. Labels are sometimes cut out.
He sleeps naked, under a fleecy blanket.
He doesnt object to school uniform, but think that is as much his personality of not wanting to stand out as tolerating it.

He will wear trousers if we insist on it - like going out when there is snow on the ground.

Can you find anything she will wear? Buy several of it. Let her choose the clothes - even if you think they are unsuitable. It is very obvious when 3 of us are there with coats and hats and gloves, and one child is in shorts and teeshirt that it is the child's decision, not neglect. I just carry extra clothes that he never wears. At home, so long as she is decent, it doesn't matter what the clothing is - pants and vest us fine if that's all she will take.
Apart from the pull up, she doesn't need clothes overnight. Scrap that fight.

You will find a way through.

PicaK · 06/12/2022 10:16

First off - sympathy. I know your battle and it's hard. Especially when you hand them over and everything looks fine and you're exhausted already. Hugs
A few thoughts - feel free to ignore if not relevant
Sounds like she's also trying to get your attention. Anything changed in her life recently? Is it a symptom? It's keeping you close and stopping you leaving her to go to sleep alone.
Do you get her dressed? Like a baby? If not you could try that
Do you think it's an autistic thing?

I'd involve school. Email in and explain your concerns and ask if they've noticed any changes. Not just about clothes thing but overall. Ask if they can keep an eye on her looking for stress/anxiety coming out. To review in January.

ToMissAdventure · 02/02/2024 10:32

OP - I’ve found your post as I am having identical issues which I suspect are sensory. Please could you share any helpful information on how this developed and any suggestions of how to manage? I’ve taken on board all the helpful suggestions in this thread but am still struggling every day.

scoopdewhoop · 28/03/2024 14:24

Did you ever find any help OP? We have the same issues, my 4 year old only wears one type of sock and crocs. Even then she sometimes has a meltdown- lying on the floor screaming and shouting and kicking the furniture, today she also banged her head against the wall. We try lots of different clothes and shoes and letting her decide what she wears but some days she's OK ish and some days still kicks off for about 45 minutes. She has got better about brushing her teeth and using a car seat belt but still has issues with clothes and shoes.
She often wets herself without noticing but can go for weeks without accidents. She is starting to refuse to wear a nappy at night saying it hurts then wetting the bed repeatedly.
We've tried incentives and punishments and nothing consistently works.
She had CMPA when younger and a blocked ear and often misses the start of words. She has no issues at preschool apparently apart from wetting herself once in a while. She has started saying she hates me and wants me to leave the house, tbh the constant battle then insults are starting to get me down !

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