First day at nursery

[Louisec128]

My almost 3 year old starts pre school tomorrow. This will be his first time away from me/dad/grandma. I took him last week to see the setting and show him around, introduced him to staff and the children etc but made sure not to overstay so he wouldn't associate it as a place I went with him. He's been fairly excited in the build up, we've spoken to him/read books etc but not excessively so it didn't turn into a huge thing. But today, the two times I mentioned it briefly, he's said no I don't want to go I want to stay with mum...
His understanding and vocabulary is very good, but he is an extremely sensitive child. Any tips for tomorrow? I've already told him about the day "school, mummy picks you up, we'll go have a nice lunch and then write your letter to santa" but all he said was "no not on my own". I'm anticipating a really upsetting morning for us both, preschool have already said they'll ring if he can't be consoled for me to go and pick him up, and to start with 1hr ish tomorrow and increase to the 3 hrs each session he goes (he's going to go twice a week.... At least that's the plan).

My biggest tip is that they can sense when you're upset or nervous so just have confidence that you've chosen the right setting and they'll call you if there's a problem

Same as above and keep the goodbye brief. If you linger, it’s confirmation to them that they’re right to be nervous. A quick ‘bye bye, have a nice time. See you later!’ He might be very upset when you leave but they usually get distracted within a few mins.

…and then cry once you’re out of sight 😂 (at least that’s what I did!).

Is there any household job he hates. Ie mummy is dropping you off while I clean the bathroom, I'll pick you up when I've finished.

Don't ask whether he had a nice time.
Ask whether he played outside, did he play with trains etc. be specific so it's not an emotional response from him.

It was absolutely heartbreaking. He refused to get out of the car, had to physically carry him in kicking and screaming, hand him over in hysterics, and was rung 45 mins later saying to pick him up as he was still uspet and better not overdo the first session so it doesn't turn into somewhere he hates. So I'm dreading Thursday already.

Do they have a Facebook site. Look at photos of ch and toys. No discussions about going back though. 'Daddy/grandma, ask ds to show you the photos of nursery etc'

Aww bless him…must have been horrible seeing him so upset.

lots of prep before Thursday. Have you got any books about going to nursery? Watch programmes about nursery, play nurseries with his teddies, draw pictures of nursery. Act out/ describe the process of dropping off, what will happen at nursery, mummy will pick you up etc etc

Do they have a Facebook site. Look at photos of ch and toys. No discussions about going back though. 'Daddy/grandma, ask ds to show you the photos of nursery etc

We did similar with DD when she started a new Nursery. I'd already had a look around with her so talked a lot about what was there and got her to tell other people about things like the baby chicks and the garden.

I did everything they recommend, books, drive by, photos, even a little heart shaped stamp on his wrist, but still heartbreaking. I'm already dreading tomorrow because he's already saying he doesn't want to go again. Trying my best not to show my upset and worry but it's so hard leaving him like that, goes against every bone in my body.

It is hard. Tbh I think two days a week will take ages for him to get used to it. Can you increase the days or even mornings initially then reduce down in a month or two?
My youngest starts in January and I am dreading the thought but he is just over 1 so won't have the physical element you had to endure.
What a shame. It will get easier but I know it's horrible at the beginning

Will they not let you stay with him until he feels more confident?

Yes they'll let me stay, just not sure if that prolongs the difficulty? We could increase but he's so sensitive to change I think it'd be too much for him to do more than 2 mornings at the moment.

I worked in a nursery for many years, we always encouraged carers to stay if the child needed it. It never prolonged the difficulty.

He was much better today, cried for no more than 20 minutes and not as upset as the other day and ended up playing outside, painting and stayed for snack time etc :) so proud of him xx

I'm really pleased for you.

Mine started when he was just over 2. They don’t do settling in there so he was off in on his own tbe first time, then as soon as he realised what was happening I was called 2 hours later to go and get him so as not to over do it on the first go.

The next few sessions he clung on and cried when I left, but that didn’t last long and he loves it now.

Sometimes when I go to collect him I can see them all through the window and when they tell him “mummy’s here” he goes “NO!” 😂

He runs in now, regularly asks to go to nursery and when I pick him up he often wants to stay.

Saying all of that, had he not settled I wouldn’t have forced it and would have pulled him out and tried again at a later date. Most do settle though.

Hi Louise,
Would you be interesting in doing a relaxed interview with myself over microsoft teams or zoom at some point? I'm doing a university investigation on the feelings of parents taking their children to school for the first time? If so, please contact me on - [email protected]