How do I stop breastfeeding? I hate it

[MrNook]

My DD is 19 months and still breastfed, I absolutely hate it. I am so touched out I'm sick of her constantly feeding and touching me and pulling at my top, all day and all night. I just hate it. The whole time she's feeding I just want to get her off. I want my body back.

If I say no she screams and screams until she's nearly sick. She feeds almost hourly at night and if I try and rock her to sleep instead she totally loses it and she won't sleep until she's fed.

She doesn't eat much food at all, won't take expressed milk or any other milks no matter what bottle or cups I try so I've felt like I've had to keep feeding but I'm really resenting it now and I want to stop.

Please help me! How do I stop?

You wear clothes where she can’t get to you, and you ride it out.

You just stop, say no. Deal with the tantrums for max a week.

Do you have a partner or support op? If there's someone who can step in at those moments, allowing you're to disappear into another room or out for a walk it will help.

My youngest DC was like this, feeding to sleep every night and demanding throughout the day when he could! I felt like you do now. It turned out that I was offered a work trip abroad so I took off and left DH to it for 8 nights! He had a rough first night I think but cracked bedtime by the second night and we've not looked back.

Just stop, start with day feeds and then stop night feeds.
I have a lot of respect for women who feed for so long, I did just under a year (my baby dropped most breast milk feeds a few months after starting solids as he was a big eater). We then went to two bottles of milk, which he still has (cows milk now) and I'm struggling to stop that he has a melt down without morning or night milk.

Mine both stopped asking within a few days when the screaming didn't get them anywhere. Is her dad around? It might be easier if he dose nights for the first few days, and keep as busy as you can during the day so she's distracted. Once you stop feeding she will start eating more solids, but mine took a while to start having bigger meals, so I offered lots of snacks for a few day while they transitioned, then gradually down. I also wore a turtle neck jumped with a swimming costume underneath for the first day/night, so they couldn't get anywhere with top pulling.

Yes go cold turkey

I just never sat down in the day. It was bloody hard - you have my sympathy.

I’d probably gradually reduce over a couple of weeks if you can just to avoid mastitis.

with my first I first dropped feeds during the day - my husband was around at the time during the day and he just got on with giving her milk instead.

Then I dropped feeds during the night - hard few nights initially but then much better.

Lastly I dropped the morning and bedtime feed. In the morning my husband would get up with her straight away before she could look for milk. And then he started doing more of her bedtimes, again so I wasn’t there to give her milk. She loved breastfeeding so I tried to be gentle, but I don’t think I was feeling as exhausted as you,

there are things you can do to make it easier though - wear dresses or other clothes like jumpsuits where she can’t easily access your breasts.

make sure your partner if you have one is on board and get him/her to step up and provide distraction at times when she might usually want milk

when she asks for milk, give her something else - good, a cuddle etc. a lot of it is probably for comfort.

talk to her or her comprehension is good about it all.

get out of the house as much as possible at bedtime/for a few days to cut down on feeds.

if you have a partner and they are off over Christmas, it might be a good time to shift responsibility to them a bit.

good luck!

You owe it to yourself and your daughter to stop asap. It's not supposed to be something you resent, it's a relationship between you. Tell her you're stopping in a few days, let her feed for a few days more and try to enjoy and and do it with love. Then on the day promised, stop. Go away for at least one night. Other half will have a tough few days but you'll get through it. You'll need to express a bit to stop mastitis, don't let her see this.
Do not feel guilty, you've done a great job xx

Cold turkey is the only answer I'm afraid. I think you'll have tantrums for a week but don't give in. She will learn.

This sounds really rough OP. I feel for you. I still feed my 2.5 year-old but it’s been bedtimes only for the last year now and nothing at all like his.

Are you aware of the book ‘How Weaning Happens’? It’s worth a read.

I stopped daytime feeds first by responding to requests to feed with, ‘At bedtime.’ So the answer was never actually no, just later. Keeping busy, distracted and away from home helped. Changes in routine can also be good, e.g. if you normally feed after lunch, arrange to go for a walk then instead.

If you can arrange to be absent for a while so that there genuinely isn’t breast milk available to her, that can be a good strategy. We night weaned by arranging a stay with granny for a few days.

It is completely reasonable to want to stop OP.

Given her age the first thing I would do is cut out the night feeds. Feed her at bedtime but if she wakes during the night you need to find another method to soothe her. I would suggest just sitting with her and talking quietly, stroking her arm etc, but you can try whatever gets you through. If you have a partner get them to to take turns. It will be difficult the first few nights but she will adapt quicker than you expect. Whatever you do don’t let her work herself into a state then give in and feed her, if that happens you will be teaching her that screaming is how to get her way.

During the day, I would start consciously spacing out the feeds so that you, rather than your DD, choose the timing. “Feed on demand” is for babies who rely on BF for their nutrition, not toddlers. Once you have control then you can phase out the feeds one by one, at a speed that suits you. You might find that you are both ok to keep feeding once or twice a day, or you might prefer to stop altogether. For me I was down to two feeds a day by that age and the bedtime feed was the last to go.

Thank you so much for your replies and for not judging me. I used to love it but somethings switched and I can't stand it now, I've wanted to stop for 7 months but I'm now pregnant and not sure if the hormones are making me irrationally hate feeding. I don't want to hate it :(

Her day feeds have been naturally reducing anyway over the past few weeks but at night time it's horrendous, I feed her to sleep and then she wakes every 1-1.5 hours and won't settle without more boob.

I know once she is night weaned she'll probably be sleeping much better but it's so hard seeing her cry and cry for me and I'm refusing but I am at breaking point and just can't feed her anymore.

She's very sensitive and super attached to me, is going cold turkey going to mess her up or will she forget about it all in a few days?

Her dad has been trying to rock her to sleep for her nap for the past 20 minutes (she's usually fed to sleep) and she's not stopped crying and I can't bare listening to her so upset ☹️

Can you go sleep elsewhere for a few nights and have your partner deal with night wakings? Quite a lot of people seem to do this successfully. The first night or two is usually very hard but it gets better quite rapidly after that.

Ah, you're pregnant! Breastfeeding aversion is a real thing! You can look it up.
I stopped when pregnant with my second for this reason.
Honestly unless you intend to feed both toddler and baby then stop asap. The last thing you want it the toddler thinking you stopped because of the baby and resenting. And you won't be able to explain why baby feeds but you don't.
Stopping cold turkey on both of mine was fine. You can do it with love, but do be firm.

If you have a partner it will be a lot easier for you overnight. When I stopped I dropped feeds over 1 week to avoid pain/engorgement.
I stopped night feeds first for days 1-3, then added in no morning/daytime feed days 4-6, ended the final bedtime feed on day 7 and onwards.
I get exactly what you mean about feeling touched out and wanting to scream. When it's like this and breastfeeding becomes something you dread it's definitely time to stop - either gradually or cold turkey. If cold turkey, make sure you express a little to help with engorgement.
If you have a partner, get them to take over the nights for the next couple of days/week - they can offer water, a cuddle or just pace up and down.
Good luck

I didn't know that was a thing, I just thought I was just horrible! I'll look it up now.

I'm only 9 weeks so new baby won't be here for a long time so hoping I can stop ASAP so she doesn't then become jealous but I'm not sure if I'm going to breastfeed again, definitely not for as long anyway.

Thanks again

Thank you so much

Cold turkey is the only way. She won't remember a thing, I promise. You just have to ride out the storm.

If you're pg it might sort itself out on its own bm changes taste during pg and babies often self-wean in the second trimester (apparently bm becomes bitter).

Ds1 did this, one day he said 'mummy milk is for the baby now' and never bf again.

She's asleep, that was horrible to listen to but didn't take as long as I thought it would. Dreading tonight but will let you know how it goes.

Feeling equally guilty but like there is light at the end of the tunnel at last

every time from now on should get easier but you have to be consistent otherwise she will get such mixed messages. Be kind to yourself and each other (you and DP) - tempers can get a little frayed when there's a screaming child. Good luck!

I night weaned ds1 gradually it was hard work initially but did get easier.

I decided upon an appropriate interval and then rocked to sleep outside of that interval. So initially it was 2hours. After 3 days I increased it to 2 1/4 hours then after 3 days I did 2 1/2 hours until he was sleeping through.

As well as that I started teaching him to go to sleep on his own at the beginning of the night. Initially I rocked him, then after three days I just held him, then after three days I led next to him, etc until I was out of the room.

I felt it was a good half way house

I was lucky ds never was keen on feeding in the day but my friend said she wore a swimsuit under her clothes to stop 'easy access'!