Will DC forget father?

[PleaseHelpp]

Hi,

I have a toddler (2 & half yrs of age). Due to work commitments, his father has to stay away from us for the next 6months - a year. I cannot go along because I WFH.

There's obv video calls etc. But I'm scared my DC will forget his father by the time he returns.

At this age, is it common for them to forget? If DC forgets, will DC ever accept him?

Can he not come back at all, can you go and visit for occasional on weekends. When ours were little they didn’t really engage much with video calls.

I dint understand why if you WFH you can't go with him?

What on earth is he doing that he will be away for a year?
Is he going to prison?
If not then he can visit and you can visir

I can't believe he wouldn't be able to fly back for weekends or have any contact at all in that period?

My guess is prison. You can say that, OP. It's fine.

Might be on an oil rig or the middle of the desert or a war zone or something. OP doesn't have to say.

At that age I doubt DC would retain memories of this time so won't remember DF exactly. But with video calls, pics of him, talking about him, having letters or presents etc he will be a known person to DC, just like a grandparent overseas or something.

As to whether DC will ever accept DF - of course, though it might take work. Plenty of kids get a stepparent and form a bond. If you keep up calls and pictures etc then it should be easier than that.

The bigger difficulty than DC remembering DF is what happens when DF comes back and tries to fit into a unit where you and DC have it all figured between you.

DC will reestablish the bond when he comes back. Video calls are fine and photos. Focus on ha ving a great life with your DC being calm, teaching them how to do things they enjoy.

I clicked because I thought he had died. I've been in that situation and believe me the fact that he's coming back should be the main focus to allieve your anxieties.

They won't remember him, in terms of holding onto memories of their times together, but you can still stop them forgetting him by talking about him lots, showing photos, doing video calls etc.

But I don't get why you can't go too if you WFH? There's a woman I work with who's lived in 4 countries in 6 years due to her husband's job - she's worked for us the whole time, just remotely.

I dint understand why if you WFH you can't go with him?

I dint understand why if you WFH you can't go with him?

All sorts of reasons. If someone's in the forces and they're posted, their family often can't go with them.

But the OP stated that her work was the barrier in this case!

He won't forget if regular contact is maintained however is it really not possible to even visit

Yes but then the reason she can't go with him isn't that she WFH, which is the reason she has said

Just to add to the ‘you WFH, just go with him discussion’. Most UK-based companies will only let you work a maximum of a few weeks abroad per year (if they allow it at all) due to tax reasons. WFH rarely means ‘work from anywhere you like.’

That's true. But OP also never mentioned that the work was overseas. Just away from home.

ID go along if you can , then when he has time off he's closer to see you and the child. X

I am assuming there is a lot to this you are not saying op - and that’s fine. Presumably he can’t defo come back during this 6 -12 month period, and you can’t go there….
So, yes, your options are the obvious phone calls, video calls/face time/etc. Birthday and Christmas cards, presents etc, and regularly include talk of daddy in your conversations, etc, so he remains part of the family unit despite not being physically present. When he returns there will doubtless be a period of adjustment for all of you regardless, as your child will have missed out on his dad for a significant chunk of his life given he is so young.

Your child will probably be ok, tbh it was me that struggled when DH worked away for more than a few weeks, I'd got into the swing of my normal !

Won't you see him on holidays etc ?

Thank you to everyone who responded. I appreciate it alot.

Thanks to those who responded to my query if DC will forget father. Rather than dwelling on my WFH position (which is out of context)

Just to clarify for those 'I cannot go along because I WFH' - as per my contract, I need to report to the office 2x a week, therefore I cannot go.

Yes, definitely there will annual leave. However, that'll be for a week or 2max. Then DC will be away from him again.

I don’t think any job is worth being away from your family for a year

I have a friend who works on the rigs for a couple of months at a time. When they were that age, the DCs didn't exactly 'forget' him but there was a lot of emotional upset as he reinserted himself in and out of their lives. It's a really tricky thing to manage.

If you're not forces, I think there's a forces board here somewhere where you'll probably get some really good tips.

I would reconsider one of your jobs. Many marriages don't recover fully from episodes like this - you'll all get used to your new way of living separately

Hi, another perspective... my mum died when my son was 2 years and 8 months. My mum lived up the street from us and we saw her nearly every day - even in worst days of covid lockdown we would walk up and wave at her.

My son is now just 4 and he still asks anout my mum A LOT. We look at photos, and read stories she loved, and eat pancakes for breakfast on Sunday in the garden - just like we did with granny.

Ive tried not to remind my son about his granny too much, as it is confusing for someone to be gone forever and then we still talk about them all the time. But he remembers anyway, and every time something fun is happening, he asks if granny will be there or if we can ask her to come along.

So I imagine if i was TRYING to help my son keep those memories and ideas alive - he would remember really well.

Your dh will definitely be able to create a bond when he comes back, if he goes about it the right way (not spoiling him with things, but lots of attention).

I also think it would be lovely for your son to receive letters with photos and pictures you dh has drawn for your son to colour. All sorts of ways to keep him fresh in your son's memory.

If video calls etc are possible then he will still his Dad
Having lived abroad with DC 4 and 6 they were not interested in video calls. Or phone calls. It’s too abstract, so your expectations for interaction should be really low.
If you can go with him that would be best - depending on the situation.
When Dad returns there is a period of adjustment for the couple and for the children. You will have a new routine and he may feel outside of that and unwanted, it’s a tricky time to navigate. But it can be done - remembering kindness and consideration to each other. It’s also common for men to completely forget what small children and like and struggle with tantrums, shyness etc.

Not quite the same situation OP, but we lived overseas from the time DS was born until he was 8. We kept his relationship with my mum alive through Skype. He always knew who she was immediately when she visited, even when he was very little.

When he was a bit older, he would get her up on the iPad and play away in his bedroom whilst she pottered about in her home, just coexisting online, for hours.

He's 13 now and they are and always have been extremely close. I hope video calls can help your DP and DC stay bonded too.

If this was our family, one of us would change jobs before leaving our child for 6-12 months