How to fob off friend who always wants to meet?

[lollyloo88]

I need a bit of advice with how to deal with a friend...
She has 2 boys aged 1 and 3 and I have a 2 year old boy. We used to meet up back when we both only had 1 and it was always lovely to catch up.
Since shes had 2 I find that she's so preoccupied with them that we don't really get to talk, and so I'm kind of left feeling like we meet for the sake of meeting but really we're just parenting alongside each other. She's also one of these parents who would rather interact with the kids the whole time, whereas I prefer to let them play whilst we have a catch up. Also she will often plonk the little one in my arms whilst she spends some quality time with the older one (I'm guessing she doesn't get much of an opportunity for one on one with him anymore) but I'm stood there like hang in a minute, I have my boy to think about too!

Anyway I've been putting off seeing her for a couple of months now and she's starting to get worried and has sent me a couple stroppy messages, which in turn in putting me off even more.
It's gone from friends to feeling like I'm just helping her out, and in all honesty I'd rather enjoy it myself than feel I'm just doing someone a favour.

How do I go about this? Shall I keep being busy and hope she finds someone else for a bit of company, or help her out when it's not really doing anything for me? Anyone else had a similar experience?

I guess it depends on whether you can see yourself maintaining the friendship for years to come. At some point soon her boys will be playing more independently and she’ll have more time to talk. Have you met in a soft play where the kids can run off a bit and give you time to chat?

“Hey Friend, it’d be lovely to have a proper catch up with you so how about we meet up child-free this time? Let me know some dates that might suit!”.

What about suggesting to meet without the kids?

Meet with out the kids.

This is perfect

And if she resists just say I’d love to catch up but with the kids it’s just impossible to talk.

That way she knows what the problem is. It’s not fair to just ghost her.

I think maybe the problem is I don't really want to see her with the kids or without..
It's like I'm just not feeling the friendship anymore ☹️

I have this exact same situation. Her toddler DS is really hardwork too and gets under my skin which makes it worse!

In which case can't you say that you've got a lot on at the minute but will contact her when you're free to catch up......and just dont meassge her ??

It seems like a shame, there might be a time in the future when you have two to deal with and hers are a little older so she can help you. If you have tonnes of friends and don’t value her friendship ghost her, but be honest with yourself that is what you are doing. Friendships go through phases where one is giving more than the other, could you see her giving more back on the future?

Well that's different then. Just tell her, gently.