AIBU- he pushed me whilst breastfeeding

[lovebeingamama]

Me and my partner are generally super happy. He is a kind man and we have a 12 week old baby girl.

The other night I was breastfeeding at 3am and as I was adjusting my pillows to get comfy, a fluffy one tickled him by accident.

He said "why do you always lob pillows at me" and threw it across the room aggressively.

I was taken aback.... and said "are you serious? I'm BFing and obviously didn't mean to.... unbelievable"

To which he commented back and it escalated and turned into an argument.

He then picked up the pillow to "show me what I did" and aggressively pushed it in my face whilst I was nursing my baby.

In my protective instinct I hit his arm with the back of my hand and said "how dare you do that when I'm feeding?!"

Then with the pillow he pushed me in my head, hard and he left the room.

I ran through to the lounge to finish feeding my baby.

The next morning we discussed briefly and I have swept it under the carpet.

I have never before seen or felt any form of aggression from him.

I am horrified this happened in front of our baby and I also don't know if I'm overreacting- was it just a silly/ middle of the night argument....

Or ... should I take this aggression more seriously?

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel disconnected from him and very teary ever since.

Advice welcome. X

This dosen’t happen in a normal non abusive relationship. Sleep deprivation is no excuse for physical aggression, my husband and I have both been very sleep deprived with babies and young children and never even come close. What makes it worse was you we’re vulnerable breastfeeding and so was your baby, not only did he throw the pillow he then followed it up by pushing you whilst breastfeeding. It should tell you everything you need to know that you’re too worried to bring it up with him incase he gets angry again. He has owned it or apologised. Sorry I know you’re in shock but this won’t be the last time.

Ah, love. My abusive boyfriend “showed me” what I’d done in a tickle fight by holding me down and punching me.

He wasn’t showing you what you had done with a pillow. He was showing you who he really is.

Talk to your health visitor. Tell someone.

*rather he hasn’t apologised at all and has minimised his behaviour.

I think this is really OTT some of the advice you are getting

Plus it's one side only 🙄

My marriage was happy until I had my DS. It started just like this, a little push. Two years later it was full on beating until I ended up in A&E. I almost died.
He couldn't cope with not having my full attention any more.
Each time you think is a push so bad, until it turns into a punch.
You'd better have a back up plan and somewhere to go in case of escalation.
I note there was no apology, it was a "demonstration". Really? Do you demonstrate something by shoving a pillow into a breadt feeding mother's head? Would you do that to a breastfeeding woman?

All stories on here are one side only. Do you want her to ask the man who pushed her to join the thread? Do you think that’s a good idea?

@stuntbubbles the man who pushed her 🙄

' I hit his arm with the back of my arm ' and that's ok - of course that's ok
Typical MN

Could you elaborate? Repeating my words with the “🙄” emoji isn’t making the clear point you think it is.

@stuntbubbles sorry you don't understand

It's pretty clear tbh 🙄

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie yes this exactly!

If it’s so clear you won’t mind explaining to me, as if I were a simpleton. Is your keyboard stuck on the “🙄” button btw? It keeps ending up on all your posts, maybe check your settings.

@stuntbubbles not at all, just fits very very well

I hope you're ok

I think this is spot on

My abusive ex was out of control after the baby was born
He did things like this at the start

Then assaulted the kids and tried to kill me

Be so careful

I would call womens aid

*He then picked up the pillow to "show me what I did" and aggressively pushed it in my face whilst I was nursing my baby.

In my protective instinct I hit his arm with the back of my hand and said "how dare you do that when I'm feeding?!"*

At least post the full context of the quote.

She was having a pillow pushed into her face, while feeding her baby. Of course she shoved him away. She didn't hit him.

If someone shows you who they really are, listen to them.

No matter how wound up I am, this is something I would never do to my husband, especially if he was feeding our daughter.

Wow! That’s disgraceful behaviour and I’m not sure I could get passed that to be honest. What else could he be capable of if pushed. I agree with others that there are no second chances, tell him straight if he behaves in that manner again it’s the end. Please don’t stay if he does. Every domestic violence household started with a first chance.

Honestly OP, your post made me feel a little bit sick. Your husband is a scumbag to do that to you at all, the fact that you were feeding your baby makes it so much worse.

Your newborn is so tiny and you are at a vulnerable stage in your life so please don't brush this under the carpet. It doesn't matter how kind he has been in the past, he has shown you now what he is capable of. Call women's aid, call your mum, dad, sister, friend, whoever you need to call to get you and your baby out before his behaviour escalates even further.

You two didn't discuss what happened.

You didn't say 'you pushed a pillow aggressively into my face when I was feeding the baby. I was frightened and upset and you scared me'.

Instead you took the blame for it yourself by saying 'we'.

He had a massive over reaction to a very simple action you did to get the pillow out of the way while you struggled to breastfeed comfortably.

I bet next time you won't dare move the pillows and you'll be very very careful about where those pillows are.

Presumably you'd just given birth and were undergoing a huge amount of physical and emotional upheaval. I doubt that's the case for OP's husband, somehow.