Just read please!

[StressedMum1212]

2 years ago my DS had his year 11 prom. Many accusations went around of him allegedly inappropriately touching many girls.

DS claims he was drunk and doesn't remember any but also states he apologised.

Yesterday, I got a call from the sixth form attachment of the school which he attends. In the phone call they have said they have banned him from his year 13 ball.
Do I call back and tell them it's unreasonable? Or do i just appreciate their decision?
It's difficult as I know my DS isn't really like this.
What do I do! Help please!

This is such a ludicrous question I’m assuming it’s a previously barred poster.

Good on the school, toxic masculinity is a massive problem in schools right now.

I doubt this is just about his behaviour on that one evening either. What other behaviour infringements has he had?

I'm glad the school have taken this step.

We all make mistakes and attitudes have changed a lot since I was his age (when groping on a drunken night out wasn’t taken seriously at all), but I think he needs to realise the consequences of inappropriate sexual behaviour are severe, so should take the ban on the chin.

Hopefully he has learned what he did was completely wrong and can put it behind him as he leaves school and moves forward in life.

If you try to get his ban overturned you’re sending the message that what he did was ok and diminishing what the female pupils may feel about it.

If he does it again as an adult it could destroy his career so best he takes it seriously now and accepts these consequences.

Makes a pleasant change for a school to treat this seriously.
Too often girls are held responsible for boys actions.
Hopefully the girls at the party can have a good time without being groped, what a win for them!

In vino veritas... your son is a predator.

He needs to learn sexual assault isn't something that can ever be made right with an apology.

He also needs to learn that men who behave as he does are rightly going to be shunned by everyone else.

The school obviously think he's enough of a risk to need to been him from an event two years on from the last one.

You don't sound too bothered by the underage drinking either?

Presumably there was some kind of fact-finding exercise to establish whether these many accusations were true, and the answer was yes-in which case the school's stance is justified.

It seems from what the post says that this was just gossip/rumour. The year 11 student would have been either 15 or 16. This was 14 months ago.

The school should not be putting sanctions in place over something that is not proven. Either at the time if something happened then the school should have said or imposed sanctions at the time - it is wrong for something like this to surface over 14 months later in this way.

If he was drunk at a year 11 prom then of course he’s going to be banned, regardless of the accusations.

Well why weren’t the police involved?

If he was drunk at the year 11 prom that should have been dealt with at the time. We do not hold action over people for that length of time. I feel that the actions are not appropriate given the circumstances.

Did they tell you he was banned because of his behaviour at the Yr 11 prom or just that he has been banned ? I presume if it was as a result of any other behaviour after the prom you would have been informed ?

Being banned is the best thing that could happen to him. Whether or not he did anything wrong - and none of us knows what happened - he's laying himself open to further accusations if he so much as smiles at a girl. And if he did touch girls inappropriately then this is an expected consequence.

If you make a drama you will make it so much worse. As others have said - he should avoid the booze and learn from it.

"He isn't really like this" except he is, because he apologised and blamed being drunk. That's absolutely no excuse. Average people don't go around just assaulting others because they're drunk, only predators who want to do it when they're sober do, because inhibitions are lowered and they think they can blame alcohol.
His actions are having consequences, good. Hopefully he will learn, and may e you can spend the evening having a good chat about why being a sexual predator is so damaging and work on his respect for others.

This is a 15/16 year old child we are talking about - and now 15 months on he is being labelled. We have "celebrities" in the jungle who have been convicted of crimes in the past but seem to be saying to this child he has a label for life.

The only worry I would have is how he could be targeted be some students and used as a scapegoat if there are issues at the next prom- which is a sad reflection of the society we live in.

Quite often schools will do this type of thing, if they can’t behave on a school trip then they are excluded from future trips. The school has a responsibility to the pupils, both those who behave appropriately and those that don’t.

So he should be let loose to assault more girls, just so he isn't "labelled"?

Yeah, we get it, poor boy being held accountable for his actions, he couldn't help it, he was only 15, yada yada yada. What the fuck ever. He sexually assaulted multiple girls. He's lucky they didn't report him to the police.

People don't want to socialise with predators. Its a lesson he's better off learning young.

And if your daughter had been sexually assaulted by this young man, would you be happy for him to be allowed to attend events in future?

Actions have consequences, and sometimes those consequences are indefinite. There's no time limit on the impact of sexual assault.

These are rumours - you can't assume guilt. The whole point is this is a child and if there was an issue 14/15 months ago it should have been dealt with then.

We're not talking about rumours, we're talking about multiple accusations. The school has a duty of care. This is how it is being dealt with. OP's son is not a toddler, he's more than capable of understanding that his actions have wide-reaching consequences. If you sexually assault women, you tend not to be invited to parties.

@Changeableweather From the information it is not clear what actually happened and we have to presume innocent - people (adults and children) aren't guilty due to accusations.