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Parenting

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Original poster

What was the best advice you were NEVER given as a parent-to-be?

24 replies

wordsmith · 01/12/2004 21:35

...apart from the usual "It hurts!" and anything related to the birth itself.

Mine were:

a) Don't necessarily expect to feel overwhelming love for your baby as soon as you see it... it took weeks before I felt that gut-wrenching emotion, but omg, when I did....
b) As soon as is humanly possible, ensure your baby can get to sleep on his own, without being fed/rocked/cuddled/sung to/driven round the block in the back seat of the car.
c) Never compare your stunningly beautiful, brilliant child to anyone else's, because they will always be able to do something that yours can't, and you'll feel as though you've failed!

...any more?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

colditzcolditzcold · 01/12/2004 21:39

Cuddle them. Cuddle them until your arms ache, because, all too soon, they don't want you to cuddle them anymore

Original poster

wordsmith · 01/12/2004 21:44

Oh Colditz, that's awful, but true!! I am already preparing myself for the dreadful eventuality. I have boys, so I should be able to string it out a bit longer...

OP posts:

cardigan · 01/12/2004 21:45

Can't work this one out!

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emMerryChristmastmg · 01/12/2004 21:45

When your baby is sleeping on your chest, rub your lips very softly on the top of their head, especially when they've had their hair washed.

It's the softest, loveliest, most heart-meltingly beautiful thing you've EVER felt.

Ok, not really proper advice but it is true.

joashiningstar · 01/12/2004 22:12

Can't think of anything to add,. Just wanted to say that all the things currently posted here are so true...

prettycandles · 01/12/2004 22:15

You don't need to be the best mother in the world - you only need to be good enough.

Sounds awful, but it's true.

warmmum · 01/12/2004 22:18

Always remember that when it's really tough, it will pass and it will get better.
Don't expect to love your baby straight away, it sometimes takes a while.
Take more maternity pads to the hospital than you think you will need.
Cuddle and hug them as much as you can, because like the bad bits, this too will pass.
Enjoy it.

I've just read the points above and they sound so dire. It really is just wonderful having children, I love them more than I can say and it is a joyous experience.

warmmum · 01/12/2004 22:18

Pretty candles - I was given this advice, and it is spot on.

prettycandles · 01/12/2004 22:39

Did it take you a while (years! ) to believe it and come to terms with it? It did me.

Original poster

wordsmith · 01/12/2004 23:08

to the maternity pads, warmmum! I would also add, to besotted mothers of baby sons, the warning that they develop an almost obsessional attachment to their willies at a remarkably early age (as soon as they work out how to operate their hands, IME.)

OP posts:

MaryChristmas · 01/12/2004 23:10

You may read all the books, but your child hasn't!

Tommy · 01/12/2004 23:19

I am aware this one may start an argument whihch I don't want but I really wish someone had said to me "Breast feeding sometimes doesn't happen the way you want it to but it doesn't matter" and that I would have believed them...

colditzcolditzcold · 01/12/2004 23:22

You may not have listened if they had. I said this to 2 of my friends and neither of them took any notice, one of the babies didn't gain any weight for 11 weeks

colditzcolditzcold · 01/12/2004 23:23

OOOps that wasn't supposed to sound snotty, sorry!

Tommy · 01/12/2004 23:26

Didn't sound snotty - honest. My MIL said it to me but I didn't believe her

BadHairwithtinselinit · 01/12/2004 23:53

When you're awake with your sleepless baby at 4am, and you're so tired that you're wondering if you really can go on like this, just sniff the top of your baby's head. Makes you realise that it really is all worthwhile and gives you the strength to fight another day.

polly28 · 02/12/2004 00:08

agree with (B) so much ,wordsmith.It is so easy to get into bad habits.Put them in their own room and shut that door from an early age.
Completetly ignore any crying at bedtime.

Breastfeeding is not easy,especially if you have big tits!

You will gain weight being at home allday even if you're knackered taking care of baby.The kitchen is too close and it is boring sometimes

Get some kids videos in ,it won't kill them .

colditzcolditzcold · 02/12/2004 00:12

Nobody that matters will think you are a failure just because you can't figure out how to do a babygrow up

TwoIfBySanta · 03/12/2004 21:01

Trust your instincts...

I wish I had more times than I did.

Every baby is different...

Some learn quicker than others, all have something they do quicker or slower.

Enjoy them...

I was watching a programme about multiple births the other day and a woman brought her twins home from the hospital. I remember so vividly how tiny my two were and how scared I was I would do something wrong. I should have relaxed more to enjoy them but I did my best so hopefully, as they head towards their 3rd birthday, they are happy, confident boys aware they are loved to bits!

quegg · 03/12/2004 21:35

that there will be times when you think you wish you had your old life back...and that the guilt you feel will be overwhelming...but that does not make you a bad person. You are the best mother your child will ever have: it took me nearly three years to accept that i am the best mother that my boys could have and they need me to be in that fraem of mind. Love yourself a little

bottle · 03/12/2004 22:19

get lots of pictures of your baby asap after birth i didn't and wish i had them
get informed about the birth but don't get too hung up on the dogma, i did and was soooo unprepared for what happened as i had really gung ho midwives so thought nothing could not go to plan
avoid all the dogma full stop re childcare - live and let live, there is no right way re sleep feeding etc...- just your way and other mothers' ways
enjoy your baby

binkie · 03/12/2004 22:20

DON'T make the mistake of saying "oh I will never be one of those mothers who goes on about sleep and potty training and feeding and can't talk about anything else" - instead make very very sure you have at least one person in the same boat as you (online is good ), so you can ask every question you need to and air every concern. I WISH someone had told me that with my first; I had it with my second and it was a completely different (lovely) experience.

Of course once you have somewhere to air all your mothery worries, then outside that you can convincingly pretend to be someone who never talks about nappies ...

NoMoomAtTheInn · 03/12/2004 22:23

a) It's just a phase
b) It's just a phase
c) It's just a phase

mrschristmaswallace · 03/12/2004 22:24

*bugger the birth plan and go with the flow!
*it will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do and is not all johnsons talc and white fluffy clouds
*you will wish you could turn the clock back several times

"when we say, well give you all the help and support you need, we'll be knowere to be seen in a month and youll have to cope on your own!"
it will be the longest 'difficult patch' you and dp will ever go through

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