6 month old always screaming and doesn’t sleep - I can’t cope anymore

[amyandezra]

I really need some advice about my 6 month old. He has always been a “high needs” baby (aka very needy, very opinionated, very spirited, very sensitive.. if you know you know), but it’s recently got so much worse and I really can’t do this anymore.

He used to sleep pretty decent at nights (we joked it was the only thing keeping us sane as his daytime naps have only EVER been 30 mins at a time). I’ve tried playing with wake windows, catching early tiredness cues, nothing makes a difference to the length of his naps - unless we hold him then he miraculously sleeps longer.

We have always had to comfort him to go to sleep. This includes a dummy, swaddling when he was younger, rocking, bouncing and shushing. He cannot go to sleep without movement. He will sleep in the pram and car. We are physically exhausted from having to rock him now because of his size. Please do not comment to tell me that I have created a rod for my own back by rocking him, because there was NO other way to get him to sleep previously. We have tried shushing and patting in the cot, it just doesn’t work. He screams hysterically and becomes inconsolable the longer it goes on.

The four month sleep regression was an absolute shit show and lasted 6 weeks. I now think we are in a six month regression and this is so much worse.

For the past three weeks, he will not let us put him down. He can be sound asleep in our arms but the minute we try and lay him in his cot he screams. He doesn’t go down easily at night, he fights daytime naps, and he won’t sleep in the cot. We have had to hold him all night for the past 3 weeks and I am broken, physically and emotionally. He always wakes up every 1-2 hours crying, even if we are holding him.

During the day he just screams and cries pretty much constantly. This morning he cried 8 separate occasions in one hour. This is my day on repeat, every day and night.

I can’t put him down, he screams. If I hold him in a way he doesn’t like, he screams. If I leave the room he screams. God the other day I had the audacity to kiss him on the cheek and he screamed.

We have tried teething gels and calpol, doesn’t seem to make any difference to his mood. The doctors say he is fine. There is no medical reason we can find to why he is so grumpy. I was told this morning by the doctor that it is just his personality.

I’m at the end of my tether. I don’t like going to baby groups anymore (they were my saving grace initially) because he is always the only grumpy baby. Other mums have commented that he never seems to smile much. I feel depressed, I can’t be bothered to leave the house anymore because just trying to put clothes on, or brush my teeth, or pack his bag - all means I have to put him down and that makes him scream. It’s not worth my energy. When my husband gets home in the evening he takes him while I cook dinner. We scoff down dinner while we try to entertain him so he doesn’t cry, then we start the battle of putting him to bed. We’re going to bed ourselves at 8pm just to try and get enough sleep between us. I feel like I have no enjoyment in my life anymore, I’m just on survival mode 24/7.

Please if anyone has been in a similar situation and come out the other side, please give me some hope. Or any other advice.

Thanks so much.

My youngest used to do the 30 mim naps until I cut one Nap out altogether and he ended up consolidating his sleep and now sleeps 2 hours for the first nap!

I honestly never thought it woulwork but please try it. You cut naps short then take one away altogether they end up consolidating by themselves

Also as a pp said some babies hate being babies. When my eldest began walking and talking is wheb he finally stopped screaming all the time. He is still a sensitive child but he never screams.

I feel my youngest is very similar in that respect too and is getting better each time he hits a new milestone.

Please also consider it may be teething some babies have a Harder time

@evilharpy you've literally just described my eldest to a T!!

Have you tested for Cows milk protein allergy? (After all it is breastmilk from a different species - 😕)

Secondly I almost went insane with our third, none had ever napped more than 30-40 mins then I read The Happy Sleeper book and it changed everything. 2x naps a day EACH of 1.5-2.5hrs. I couldn't believe it.

Hope things improve soon

Lots of great support and advice here already. I feel your pain. My DD was the same, never smiled, cried ALL THE TIME, told there was nothing wrong, maybe lactose intolerent etc etc ... nothing helped - no lactose, no dairy on and on... no sleep, no naps... on my knees ... then ... no reason why but when she was about three all good. She settled, started sleeping and is a now happy, lovely nine year old. No issues and all good. Never got to the bottom of despite endless appts with GPs etc. Sometimes it just gets better. I shudder at how awful it was and I would love to come bundle your DS up and take him out for a bit and give you a break ... you said when you know you know .. I hear you and feel for you. It can and might getter better or easier...

Can you imagine trying sleep training? He may be grumpy because he's constantly tired. Maybe it would help him learn fall asleep without rocking/shushing/dummy which means more rest for everyone.

@spinachmonster are you able to tell me briefly about what the book gets you to do to achieve those longer naps? literally don’t have time to read anymore so I would never be able to look at it myself :(

Really sorry for what you're going through. Sounds v v hard. I think if you solved sleep then could really help his temperament during the day..and even if it didn't, at least you'd be better able to cope having slept at night. I have a similar age baby and paid for Dana Obleman's sleep sense programme (google it). It's not v expensive and she guides you each day with a short video (easier to take in when you're v sleep deprived!). Some crying will be involved but with us within a couple of days sleep was sorted. Your baby is already crying lots and what you're going through is unsustainable so I suggest you try it. Also echo what others have said re introducing solids if you haven't already.

How was the birth ?

Maybe he's got a stiff neck or something that makes him in pain? Have you seen an osteopath ?

Yes we had and still have to some extent one of those babies (now 9 months). He screamed pretty much constantly from birth until 6-7 months. His sleep is getting better but the smallest bit of discomfort and he will scream for attention no matter how much we try to teach to self-settle. If we were to leave and let him cry it out even for a bit he’d probably get to the point he’d vomit. No matter how relaxing at bedtime he cannot wind down and the only way he isn’t constantly go go go is when he’s unconscious. I only went to two baby classes as he screamed the whole time and the other parents sat there chatting whilst I had to pace round the room constantly. I have strangers tell me often when out and about how alert he is. It’s EXHAUSTING. The four month sleep regression was hard for us too. Their sleep cycles start to mature and become more like adults so they end up waking more frequently and if you have a baby that’s more of a “signaller” you will know about it.
A few things for us that helped or were important turning points were that he does have CMPA and after starting weaning we found he had an egg allergy too so make sure your baby doesn’t have anything like that.
Can he sit up unaided yet? For us that was a big help in his temperament. He was constantly frustrated he couldn’t sit and move independently and once he could he became much happier. It also meant his core got stronger so his reflux got better.
The biggest two things for us though were food and nursery. He LOVES food, more than the horrible allergy formula and it entertains him for ages trying different things.
Nursery saved us as a family. No matter how hard me and my partner tried (like you, go to bed at 8, do shifts and eat food so fast if at all) to entertain him it was never enough (although he loves his jumperoo) but at nursery there’s so much going on and constant attention he has absolutely thrived. I swear he’s happier there than with us. He smiles ALL the time there and now as a result at home too. He’s like a different baby.
I will say at home he’s still demanding. Although he can entertain himself better now he can sit and crawl. It’s ten minutes at a time before needing our involvement and I don’t think that will ever change. He’s just not a baby that wants to lie there and watch you do things.
sleep wise, I also get it. Mine will only go to sleep with movement and preferably in a dark, quiet room as he’s too nosy to sleep otherwise. When I pick him up from nursery, if he’s tired it doesn’t matter if he’s cosy in his pram, has his dummy in and I try to rock it on the bus, he knows it’s not real movement so I have to get off the bus, walk until asleep and then get back on a bus which is hell.
i read once asleep whilst rocking and you’re standing up, gently sit down and hold for a further 5-10 mins whilst sat before transferring to cot. No idea why but it works for us. We do co-sleep though if necessary as some nights when he’s so restless it’s easier to shove the dummy in if he’s right next to me.
white noise does absolutely nothing for us, but a quiet, dark room does help.
With the dummy, we find with our baby though you have to be quick and I mean lightened fast getting it back in at the smallest cry otherwise he gets pissed off and throws it back at you and then you have to pick him up and rock him. Which is why I’m better at it than my partner as I’m such a light sleeper. I know they say you’re not supposed to but could you put a hot water bottle on top of his cot just for a little bit before transferring to sleep. Often the mattress is so cold I think that wakes them up. Also what sort of bed does he have? Our baby loves to move and wriggle about so quickly out grew his Next2Me and we had much more success in a proper cot as he didn’t constantly bash himself on the side and wakeup.
You have not created a rod for your own back btw. It’s very normal for babies to need comforting back to sleep especially if you have a “signaller” baby. We have always agreed we’d rather keep popping a dummy back in that takes seconds than longer methods that lots of people need to help their babies sleep.
Otherwise the only thing I can suggest is keep trying with the cot. Start with naps in the cot and go from there. Make sure it’s warm, try sitting and holding first before putting in cot and stay with him. You’ll find he will likely stir around 30-45 minutes when you see that happening, quickly go over and pop dummy back in if needed or pick up and start rocking. This will help transition into next sleep cycle and get longer naps which should hopefully help with night sleep.

Have you tried calpol in case it's teething? Ours would only nap in a moving pushchair , later discovered cows milk protein and soya allergy so might have been connected. I got quite fit pushing one-handed in full body waterproofs while scrolling/drinking tea. Sometimes giving what they want/need for a few days, contact or pushing for naps on a perfect schedule , may get them over the over tiredness and into a routine so then they can sleep easier, could be worth a try. Good luck it's really hard.

Sorry missed that you'd tried calpol.

I don’t know how to reference other op by highlighting their post but I think @ naomiembrace is spot on.

My kids are young adults now but I remember my eldest DD was pretty much as you described your DS hence a four year gap between them (and partly fertility treatment).

I don’t know if sleeping training is considered acceptable these days but it’s what I had to do for my sanity (and exH). It’s really tough but saved me. You have my deepest sympathy, wish I could add something more to help. Hugs.

Agree with other posters re trial of dairy free for allergies. Sounds exactly like my baby. Didn’t sleep at all at night except for 1hr in every 6. Needed the sling for all naps in the day. Wouldn’t feed to sleep. Screamed constantly.

GP didn’t think there was anything wrong. It was only when I cut out dairy and soy (the two often go hand in hand) that I saw a drastic change. 6 weeks on she was sleeping in her cot all night and for all day naps.

i was sick of being told he was just ‘difficult’ and ‘would grow out of it’. Clearly that wasn’t the case and it’s something the medical professionals are not equipped to pick up on.

It is like I wrote this.

My DS is now 14 months old and still has that same sensitive soul. BUT his sleep improved around 9/10months.

The only thing that helped me accept who he is and accept my situation was reading info poated by helpful professionals (sleep consultants are evil and newely caused me to suffer with PND).
The individuals in recommend - professionals Dr Bill Sears Pawdiatrician with 8 children his wife is medically trained. Dr Mckenna and IBCLC and sleep consultant Pinky McKay. That's it.

The solution for me. Accept my son as he is - don't they to follow these evil sleep consultants and give him the security he is requiring.
As I have only 1 child and a SAHM it was better.
He was terrible with sleep - everything you mentioned. Up until 5 months (when i discovered the helpful resources above) we rocked DS to sleep and ot was 30-40mins of scream crying and his naps lasted 5/10mins. Nighttime was horrendous.

Then i surrenderd and understood he is "high needs" and knows what he wants. So I atarted to Nurse to sleep and there were no tears, and took a very short time. Foe the first 3/4 mo tha I could not put him down for naps. But then one day after unlatching and remaining in my arms for 30 Mins a put him down and he stayed asleep and his naps slowly improved. For bedtime took longer to safely put him down without waking. All got better slowly. And it 11 months he atartes to STTN or have 1 wake up. And napped like a champ.
It is rocky at the moment as he has back to back viruses, teething (like the end of the world to him) so his sleep is crap and needs that extra time with naps

I just accepted it. This is how he is. And it don't want to force him and traumatise him to be like other babies.
Once I acceptes who he was and ignored the comments my life got better. By attitude to motherhood. And I love my unquie sensitive baby. He is affectionate and very advanced for his age socially and with his learning. He started to speak and say words at 9 months. He is very bright and I wouldn't change him for no one.

I never took him to mummy groups none in my area and I live in a ghost town so no mummy friends or babies.

He goes out and he is pretty serious and doesn't smile much. He is very intevorted outside. But he has come out of his shell more and he loves looking at other children and tries to socialise with adults and kids alike.

Moral of the story. Your Baby is fine. Love him and accept his unquiness.
Stressing over this will not fix it or make it got away. Embrace it and try be a bit adaptable.

As my DS is clingy I baby wear daily when he needa that date a closeness. We hwve extra time in bed in the morning for nursing and comfort. I have a loose routine as I don't know how he will be that day. Some days he has more confodence and is happy to start the day right away. Some days he is a koala and needs to take a slower pace.
I can be flexible so I adapt.

I back wewr when I need to get jobs done. He now brings me the cloth and throws it on my back.

Some nights are hard some naps are crap. But he is improving and low and behold he has started to self soothe (last 2 weeks) some nights for bed and some naps. He will Nurse until drowsy unlatch grab his teddy and go onto his tummy and self settle.

As I seen above. Yes we did the osteopath when he was 10weeks old had 3 seasions then the osteopath said nothing else can be done. Physically he improved but - silent reflux was calming down a bit by then.
I looked into Kelly Mom to alter my diet and cut out all dairy. It made 0 difference for us. I cut out eggs. Etc.
Although when we introduced aolids he had a mild reaction to eggs - flared up DS eczema (mild on cheeks) we stopped that for him until he was 12 months and he eats egg fine now no reaction.
I went back to dairy it 8months. His sleep and mood got better with Nuraing on demand, comfort on demand and nursing to sleep and being patient.

You could take your baby to an Oateopath, chiropractor and see an alternative medicine professional for options.
You could alter your diet for a good 8 weeks. Be careful with dairy as you meed the calcium so make sure you get calcium in other ways. Kelly Mom is helpful for this.

All the best of luck. It does get better