My son is 9 year old showing traits of Autism & ADHD, only becomes challenging when coming back from his dads for any period longer than a weekend, to the point where he becomes very violent, and very unlike the child that I know.
His Dad (my ex) has misused cocaine & cannabis, along with a drinking problem whilst we were together, he sorted it out and was teetotal.
Let's fast forward to this weekend just gone. It appears that sons dad has the same problems with cocaine and alcohol. This weekend, he was at his dads, luckily his nan lives in the same house, she is in her 70s and is very unwell. His father spends the afternoon with his two friends, and takes our son with him whilst they drink. He brings him home to nan, continues drinking alcohol, then goes out with his friends.
Sunday, sons nan rings me up at 11.30, no signs of sons dad, no one can get a hold of him (he used to do this regularly when we were together). I pick son up straight away.
My eventual question is ( i already have an idea of the answer, but I wanted to check with other mums, please no judgement/ unuseful comments at this time as we are struggling with other big issues with redundancy etc, just looking for clear guidance/ support/ pov if i am being unfair). Should my son be spending time with his son, when he is using cocaine and alcohol, other family members have made me aware that he seems different recently (lives 5 hours away from us and only sees son about 5 times a year & brings friends with him whenever he should be spending time with his son).
AIBU, albeit with the best interests in mind for our son not to be around his dad until he has accessed the support he clearly needs for his addictions? My daughter doesn't see her dad (court decision) due to his alcohol addiction. I want the best fur son, but I don't want him to be around his dad his spends his waking hours under the influence of cocaine, and afternoons/ evenings under the use of alcohol?
Has anyone else been in a similar position?
Sorry for rambling on....