Is it normal to wish you didn't have children

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Hi
I'm 23 and have a beautiful 10 month old. She is amazing and I love her to pieces. However I am struggling with being a mum at the moment. I really miss my freedom and it's getting me down everyday because I feel trapped. I don't feel like I'm being a good mum at the moment because I'm so emotionally detached and that's upsetting me I miss simpler times when I could do as I pleased. Her dad is involved but we aren't together anymore after he assaulted me early this year. He has a her a few nights a week which I understand is great but I work those nights so I don't get any time for myself. Im worried no one will ever love me again as a single mum and this also upsets me. I feel as if I'm being selfish saying all of this, I just miss my old life. I think it doesn't help that I am so young. Is this normal?? Im scared it means im a bad mum

Yes ! It doesn’t make you a bad mum.

Bad Mams don’t often take time to consider if they’re had Mams or feel much remorse about it. Remember that one.

Your provide, care and show concern for your child. Bathe them, feed them, everything you should be doing. Feelings are trickier but I think a lot of people fail to realise that being a mother is complex and you can have negative emotions about being one that doesn’t take away from the capability you have of being one.

Do you think going to events where there’s other mothers and babies would help? It wouldn’t be the same freedom you used to have, but it would feel like somewhat of a social life and probably put a little pep back in your step.

You’re not selfish, you’re just in a period of change between what was and what is.

Honestly, yes it's completely normal. Parenting is a paradox where you love your children with every fibre of your being and at the same time wonder what on earth you were thinking in having them 😂

10 months old is very young still, she needs a lot from you. That will continue for the next few years but it gets easier. By about 4 they are so much more independent and fun and this just carries on then you have them starting school and it's absolutely amazing seeing them go off into the world.

Don't worry about another relationship, that will happen in its own time and many men won't be fazed by a child in the mix.

Go easy on yourself!

I'm sat here now, on the toilet, hiding from my teens who have done nothing but fight for weeks wishing that I never bothered having kids. Can't help but wonder what my life would be like.

It's normal. Don't feel bad.

That sounds hard. Be kind to yourself. What you're feeling is normal.

Just think she'll go to nursery when she's 3 and you'll get some time there. I've got 3 kids and I still found someone to love. So being a single mother isn't the end

Ah bless you you're still young like you've said it's probably why you feel like this. Yes it's normal. I was 30 with my 1st in a happy marriage and had help and now 40 with my second and I still find it hard so hats off to single women and women who have little or no support.

I miss just going as I please and the hardest thing apart from lack of sleep I find just doing everything in a bit of a rush. Make up/ showered /dress/ making dinner/ housework so all the things that are necessities so have to be done daily I always am rushing and sometimes leaving things til later which I hate.

But like others have said it does get easier
Just not at the moment so I find it better to accept that and lower the expectation

My little girl went to nursery at 22 months
It was only 2 days a week but she loved it and someone suggested getting in before she turned 2yrs so I'll be doing the same with my 2nd baby. So that's not too long away if she's 10ms. A light at the end of the tunnel maybe and something to work towards.

X

Also to add me and my ex husband split at 22 months and I was a single mum for a year before I met my now partner

I was lonely, alone and hated the aspect of a single mum. I was in a marriage that I thought was over at the time and thought I'd be happier alone...I wasn't. It was tough times and doing it alone sucked even though I had family support and friends it wasn't the same

When my 1st was 2.5 yrs I met someone and 8 yrs later, we've a house and a new baby and getting married in 2 weeks so yes you can definitely meet someone! Maybe just tell yourself not just yet ( perfectly still ok to meet someone ) and it's doable with a bit of juggling! But at 2-5 yrs she was a dream. He would come over after she went to bed and not stay and when she stayed at her dads we would have us time. We did that until I felt ready to introduce x