My friend holds my baby to much?

[Cutebabymumma]

Am I being silly and selfish, but when my close friend wants to come over and see ‘me’ all she wants to do is hold my 5 week old baby. She gives baby back for a feed when baby wants it then wants her back again, she literally spends ages at our house just holding her. As this is my first baby I get super jealous and want to hold her myself, I miss her, am I being silly and unreasonable?

She may think she's helping! She's not a mind reader and also if she's a good friend you wouldn't want to lose her over this

This. Why not just speak to your friend about this? Assuming you want to continue the friendship, which I assume you do given you describe her as a "close" friend.

It's depressing to see how quick some posters on here are to ditch a friend for the crime of wanting to spend time with their baby. If they haven't had a child, how are they supposed to know how you're feeling? They probably think that they're doing you a favour and giving you a break.

OP I felt exactly the same as you when DD was born. You are not being unreasonable. Small babies do not need to be passed round lots of people. They care about their primary attachment, which is you. Additional attachments will be formed later and she will still grow up socialising with other people. Of course you want to hold your baby!

Agree. And all the mindless piling in from posters, as if the friend is intentionally doing something wrong. No wonder so many MNetters start threads about losing their pre-DC friends. If your expectation is that your friends have to be mind-readers, prepare to lose them!

Oh OP you are not being unreasonable what so ever. Whether this was your first baby or 10th, I don’t know any mother who wants to watch their baby being passed around or not being able to hold the baby themselves. It’s wrong that we feel like we’re being rude or unreasonable for wanting our baby to ourselves!

I would cut her visits down and shorter. If you’re happy to then let her have a hold for ten minutes but just say ‘ah I think I’m going to take her now’ and take her off your friend. Don’t ask permission, don’t sit quietly wishing for her back, just take her. If your friend gets offended well that’s her problem. You’ll never get this Time bwxk.

This.

It's no wonder people on here have no 'village' or friends after having a baby if this is the standard response to a friend holding a baby.

Op do what you want but realise that when you need a baby sitter when the child is 2 and you want a night out you'll be like all the other women on here who haven't had a night alone with their husband for 3 years because they have no friends because they treated them like a monster for daring to want to know your baby.

Surely there is getting to know the baby, and then there's holding baby totally excessively and not passing baby back to the mum! If I was visiting a friend with a newborn I can't imagine behaving like that. It's completely inappropriate

Are you being serious? The op is not obliged to hand her baby to anybody! It’s how she feels and clearly she is upset and uncomfortable with this! I’m sure if it was a normal ten minute cuddle it wouldn’t be an issue but clearly the OP isn’t happy with her friend taking the piss. Why are we more concerned with how the friend feels than the OP, you know, the mother of this newborn?

why do you assume the OP will want this friend babysitting?

wanting your own baby back does not make you a monster ffs. Stop trying to guilt the op

The OP is entitled to feel as she does. But why not simply communicate that to her friend instead of ditching her, as people are suggesting on here? I doubt that most people who haven't had babies themselves understand that new mothers don't like people holding their baby.

@EJRB yeah I'm being serious some people on here clearly like validation for their anxiety.

Sorry I won't join I

@HollyJollyNovember
yea I have anxiety and it would seem a lot of other mothers understand where I am coming from, as it isn’t just 10 minutes of cuddles it for 3 hours until she needs a feed then she wants her back again. I don’t even do this to my family members who have children and she has 3 children herself. I won’t be cutting her out of my life I think that is a tad dramatic but it isn’t a crime to ask other mums there opinions. I have expressed how anxious it makes me feel to her but she hasn’t stopped. I really don’t understand if you haven’t got anything useful to say they why bother commenting?

@EJRB Thank you for your support and understanding, you’ve made me feel better about the situation 😊