Would this give you the rage or did I over react?

[Glumbums]

I took both kids swimming today and was already feeling tired. I have an 11 and 7 year old ds. The eldest was getting quite high spirited throughout but kept in check. At the end we had a shower before changing. At that point the 11 year old took a mouthful of shower water and at close range (an inch or so away) spat it in to my 7 year olds face. I got the rage at this and really told him off. I then felt guilty for doing so, but thought what he did was disgusting.

Just wondering what other parents feel about this. Was it just a high spirited 11 year old or was what he did disgusting?

Both? Does your 11yr often do mean things to his younger brother?
“high spirited” has been used as an excuse by others for sibling bullying.

Disgusting and especially from an eleven year old. Two year old would certainly get a telling off, to know to never spit at someone again, but more understandable thinking they are 'squirting' water. Eleven, no way

I think that’s really nasty and humiliating behaviour from you 11 year old. I
really strict on sibling bullying. His wound you feel if another year 6 child came and did that to your 7 year old, or a year 6 at school was doing that kind of stuff. Just because it’s sibling doesn’t make it less hideous.

Yes I think he thought he was suqirting water but it was full blast in the face.
He does often wind up his younger brother and it really triggers me as his younger brother is so kind hearted. I don't know what to do about it. All the teachers jn school think my 11 year old is an angel, but I struggle with him at times.

Terribly typos - but yes I think it’s ok you got cross.

I felt terrible shouting at him in a public environment. But I was so triggered by what he did.

I’d have a very serious chat with him, tell him you’re so proud of how the teachers tell you he is “an angel” and you’re very confused as to why he would sometimes behave so differently with his little brother.

I felt terrible shouting at him in a public environment.

You were being a good parent, don’t feel bad at all.

Thanks Lizzie. I think he's very jealous of his little brother. Not sure why.

Why do you feel guilty for telling him off when he’s done something he shouldn’t do? Most ‘high spirited’ children could do with a few tellings off, imo.

Do have a chat with him and let him talk about his feelings towards his brother.

Its something my 11 year old would do (adhd and impulsive). And something that would annoy the hell out of me and hed get seriously told off for. He would then apologise to his younger brother and understand (and agree with me) thats its revolting.

Equally its something my 8 year old (adhd and impulsive! ) would do 🤷‍♀️ And Ive have the same reaction.

My 2 wind each other up but love playing with each other so let things slide. Fortunately they never behave like that at school or with friends.

For me it would depend on the intent.

If it was silly, messing around, squirting water then I think a big, public telling off was OTT.

If it was aggressive, aimed to upset/humiliate the younger one then I think it needed an immediate and strong reaction from you.

How did the 7 year old take it?

If mine did that the rest of their day would not be particularly enjoyable. Dreadful behaviour towards a younger child. Dreadful behaviour in a public place. High spirited means badly behaved.

Of course you were right to tell him off. Your younger child needs to know you've got his back.

Do you know any 15 year olds who could pop round and exact some revenge?

I think you were right to come down on him so hard because you know that he isn't nice to him. I don't think you should feel guilty.

Yeah it’s not nice, but they’re brothers. It’s just kids messing around. I don’t understand why everyone’s so horrified.
It sounds like you have a bit of a horrid Henry Vs perfect Peter scenario built up in your head about your boys.

Do you know any 15 year olds who could pop round and exact some revenge?

Good grief!

I'm not being serious about the 15 year old. I remember when MN wasn't so bloody exhausting, when all this was fields.

Yeah it’s not nice, but they’re brothers. It’s just kids messing around. I don’t understand why everyone’s so horrified.

I think I would feel like that too if it wasn't for the quite big age difference. Also, we weren't there and the OP had quite a reaction so it probably was more unkind than brother's messing about.

I think it was the close range and the force of water spraying out of his mouth that really wound me up.

Perhaps it's time to retire? Move on to the Mumsnet retirement community, where jokes about child abuse are just good clean fun.

I dont think you over reacted especially due to his age and the age gap between him and his brother

You over reacted. He just used his mouth like a water gun, tbh it's really not something that needed more than an "ewww, stop that". I don't even think it's disgusting tbh.

But you should look at how you describe your boys - you're treating them differently and setting up your eldest as the 'bad one'. He's picking up on that. You'll instill a lifetime of shame.