To be sick of older people remembering early years through rose tinted glasses?

[lollyloo88]

So just when you want a bit of advice or a bit of solidarity you speak to you parents, in-laws or your elderly neighbours and they act like young kids are the best thing to walk on this earth. Obviously they are but they're also really hard work!!!

I'm fed up of my neighbours treating my DS like he's something to worship, when we just step out the front door and he's been an absolute little git just 2 minutes earlier when I had to force his shoes on.

And I'm fed up of MIL saying everything is "just a little phase" when it feels like one long phase of hard work!!

Anyone else feel irritated by this lack of understanding? Maybe I should palm off DS on them for longer than a couple of hours and see how they feel!!

I think your reaction is a bit strange tbh.

They don't see the difficult bits so why would they take them into consideration?

They are just being nice.

I know, OP. It can sometimes feel like the whole world is gaslighting you when it comes to motherhood.

You will feel the same as they do one day!

I know and remember well how endless the boring hard slog felt at times, but looking back with a different perspective, it is just a phase and it does only last a short time in the grand scheme of things. Take heart from the fact that it shows they see you as capable of dealing with it and have faith that you will come out the other side ok.

People love your kid? How horrible of them.

And pretty much everything is a phase, frankly. They're just trying to be encouraging.

That's because they are able to enjoy the wonder and gorgeousness now they're out of the woods. They have the energy to put on those rose tinted glasses.

You'll be the same one day, but for now - commiserations! I found it absolutely relentless. Every step towards independence was a big, big win.

Because you forget a lot of the really hard bits over time OP and when you don't have to deal with them being a git you have the luxury of focusing on the good bits. Grandparents IME often admit that they get to enjoy the good bits of small DC, without the hard grind.

Probably because they've been through the teenage/young adult phase and realise that when they're little and you know where they are/have some control over them, is easier (sorry, not helpful)

I agree with your MIL that it is just a phase. You just keep continually moving on to the next stage in there lives.
I think she was trying to be supported to you.

My kids are in their 20s now and it was hard at times. I was a SAHP and I had zero support from relatives. I don't think my husband and I even had a night away by ourselves until they were 12 and 9! But .... I would do it all again given a chance. It was the best time of my life. It is possible to just absolutely love being with your kids and still know that it can be frustrating and exhausting.

I know what you mean. Everything is just exhausting and there's no fun to have some weeks. You just want some solidarity.

I agree with PP. even though the tiny years are incredibly hard they are just
a load of little phases when you look back even though at the time they feel like they go on a bit. I agree with others that if people love your child and look on their annoying phases with love and kindness that is a good thing. The alternative is much more upsetting.

Anyway - solidarity because I do know it's tough. Other parents with
same age kids are probably your best bet for helpful support.

This is so true. Knowing that "it's a phase" is no help at all. So much of what people said about life with small kids just made me feel bad for hating it. I needed to hear "Yes, some days are horrific, have some tea and I'll entertain them for 5 hours minutes".

Mine are in their 20s now and I know there were times that were tough and there were tears on occasion (mine) but I genuinely can’t remember the specifics or them being particularly badly behaved yet I know they weren’t perfect children. Maybe something happens to the brain to make you forget as they get older. You’re right though, it is hard work, sometimes going to the office was what I needed for a break.

You need a break - yes, ask for help.
Maybe that's what they're fishing for?

I wish I'd not been so exhausted you do miss it, honestly. I remember when I was severely sleep deprived my sister posted that Facebook drivel of 'the hardest thing about kids isn't the early years it's them leaving home' ugh.

I barely remember big chunks of it due to exhaustion/sickness etc. but I still hold onto the good memories!

They have probably been reading MN and are afraid of being dismissed as ‘old bats’ if they dare to comment in any toddler tantrum etc.

Nothing like a small child to test your patience OP!

Would you rather your NDN called him a little shit?

I really am very blasé about the terrible twos or threes these days, after living through it more than once. Wouldn't do it again, mind! It is hard work, no doubt, but this time is a blip compared to the marathon of parenting. Hold tight, it will pass.

Not all of us. I'm an older person and have been guilty of many things, but never of underestimating how irritating small children can be.

This is also what I'm thinking

I'm 60 and I remember going back to work quite early because I thought if I don't get some adult company I'll go mental.

I have two little ones and definitely get where you're coming from - at the same time I know I am absolutely going to be one of those parents who forgets all the hard bits and just looks back wistfully crying into a scrap book.

The phase thing makes me laugh. Yes it's just a phase but that phase will be followed by another, likely worse phase. And then if you have more than one it's usually phase inception! Then you get told that the teenage years are worse 😩.

I think it is meant to be empathic and comforting from those who have been through what felt like constant aaaagh - and to reassure you that this too will pass.

Surely you wouldn't like to hear from neighbours that yes, your child is a annoying badly behaved little shit?
Then you would be saying how grumpy older people are and what unrealistic expectations they have…

It feels like an endless marathon, I know. But you will get there.

No, not helpful at all.

I think it would be easier to enjoy the good bits of parenting if we were also allowed to acknowledge, and be supported during, the hard and dull bits.

This is the beauty of being older and "out the other side"! To DGP /NDN they are adorable as they only see the best bits! It seems never ending when they are small and you are barricading the front line! You will look back in time I promise and laugh (ever so slightly hysterically!)