What to do when toddler

[chikp]

What do you do when your toddler has a tantrum? My little one threw them self on the floor today and just spent about 30 minutes crying. I tried everything I could think of, cuddles. Water. Food. Even resorted to peppa pig on my phone.

Ignore them?

Oh… I wouldn’t have gone the “rewarding with screen time” route, although I know it’s hard not to!

I’ve typically tried distraction (especially going outside), cuddles, or fruit. Usually one of those works. When it doesn’t, I leave them in a safe and quiet place, step away, and let them work it out themselves. It can take a while (my DS2’s record was an agonizing 1hr15min), but honestly, sometimes space is what they need and us frantically trying to “solve” their giant emotions only further overwhelms them.

This is a normal part of toddlerhood. It’s helpful afterwards, when they’re calm again, to debrief on what led them to explode and how we can handle things differently next time. I try not to punish my DCs for having tantrums, but I also very clearly don’t reward them. You don’t want them to learn that they can use a tantrum to get their way all the time.

You just have to wait it out. Make sure they are safe (if they are hitting their head on the floor put something under it), stay with them, remind them that you are there for them and be ready for some big cuddles once it’s all over.

My DS only really gets over a big meltdown by going to sleep cuddling one of us. But then if he has them they usually are if he’s over tired in the evening.

Ok thank you. Yes I was getting desperate when I tried peppa pig. We were in public and loads of people were staring it was hard to just stay calm. So next time you think I need to just style it out and keep them safe while they scream?

How do you find that works in a public place? I can see why it might work at home.

What do you do when your toddler has a tantrum? My little one threw them self on the floor today and just spent about 30 minutes crying. I tried everything I could think of, cuddles. Water. Food. Even resorted to peppa pig on my phone

DC1 would respond to "has that ever worked?" DC2 was more tricky but going to make a cuppa and then calling a friend often worked.

How old is your toddler?

I ask bcos I have a 15 month old and bracing myself..

I just sit next to him quietly until he stops.

Please have a look at Big Little Feelings on Instagram and/or read The Whole Brain Child x

Public is definitely way more difficult. I would also have gone with phone and snacks. At home, I just sit with DS until it passes.

They don't call it terrible twos for nothing. We thought it was a breeze but at about 2 and a half it kicked off!

Thank you!! Will do x

In public? If he showed no signs of stopping after being ignored for a minute or two, or if he was somewhere inconvenient or dangerous like a shop aisle or a narrow footpath with a road next to it, scoop him up and wrestle him back into the pushchair then carry on walking. He always stopped after about 100m.

Keep your toddler in a buggy when out in shops, etc.

Then you can just wheel him out if he starts tantrumming.

Great, 😭

Pick up and place in pushchair/sling/tuck under arm and take somewhere safe and not disturbing people until they are done, basically.

Sit on the floor by them, have a vice like grip if the tantrum is by the road. Never nice in public, you just have to pretend not to be bothered by the stares. It was a very brief phase for DS, maybe because we didn't really ever react to them, but who knows.

Ah. I didn't bring the buggy. This was probably a mistake. I ended up struggling to carry them home on the bus it was awful and made me never want to leave the house again!

Yes absolutely terrified of them getting hurt. They liked to sort of scoot along with their feet.

Mine had a massive floor thumping, face planting tantrum in the middle of the school field at the summer fair because it was time to go home at the end of the fair....I'm a teacher so of course all the parents and kids of my class chose that moment to come over and say hi 🤦😂

Lots of cuddles, and if cuddles are rejected then back rubbing and reassurance "I see you're feeling sad, the fair is closed, time to go home, it's ok to be sad we've had fun. I'm here when you want a cuddle."

Ride it out and ignore people if they do make comments.
In my experience, most people sympathise because they've been there though it can feel like their judging.

Placing more demand (even if that demand is a positive, ie screen time) is just overloading their frazzled little brain. You're better off simplifying things for them and taking away demand at that point so they can work through their emotions without further complications.

In the midst of it, nothing will be good enough - screen, chocolate, favourite toy etc because it's not solving the issue that's frazzled their brain, it's only adding in more things for the brain to try to process. Children have a considerable processing time compared to adults and when big emotions come to play too it slows down the processing further so it really is just time and support.

Good luck, it doesn't last too long.

Oh DS used to have massive strops on the bus - I remember peeling his fingers off the doorframe to get off one time, as he clung on and screamed (didn’t want to go to swimming class). So embarrassing.

We have all been there OP, they grow out of it eventually. You just have to be firm and unfraid of tantrums - they don’t have to like what you say, but they do have to do what you say.

Hello! My eldest was an EPIC tantrum thrower. Trying to distract or comfort enraged her more so I just used to have to wait it out. Even in the shopping centre which could be excruciating.

A couple of times, I had to put her under my arm and march out because the disruption for other people wasn’t fair or appropriate (lobby of a 5 star hotel was a personal favourite) but yes…a lot of waiting, then a cuddle, then attempting to move on with our day even though sometimes I myself was furious and confused and upset by her behaviour.

In contrast, DD2 doesn’t do tantrums and the few times she’s attempted it, she starts giggling. I’ve parented them the same, more or less, so I guess it’s just differences in temperament.

I try and think what I'd want someone to do for me if I was overwhelmed by my feelings and then...do that.

If she's just crying, I hold her but don't try and fix it.

If she's crying but also kicking off, I tell her she can be angry but she can't be mean/kick me/throw things etc. and offer her a cuddle which she normally takes.

I name everyone's emotions a lot and she can tell me she's cross now which does seem to help a bit.

In public I would be trying to do these things on the move though because I do not have the energy for the staring 🤣

I think the most important bit is staying calm yourself though. For me that means telling myself it's hard to be two and she's doing her best.

And @Justisme don't dread it. I'm finding it a properly joyful age. She's a dream. An angry, irrational dream.

Use reins when out and about. The substantial old fashioned sort that have a harness that fits round the child's chest with straps over the shoulders (kind of like a bra) and reins that clip on the back. Fit the harness nice and snug. You can actually pick the child up by hooking your hand under the back strap, and if they're flailing, hold them at arms length to avoid being kicked and punched. Works wonderfully when they throw themselves on the floor, you just pick them up, carry on walking and ignore the tantrum. Since they are being ignored, and the tantrum is getting them nowhere, they stop pretty quick. At least my two did.....