Is this normal? My child is unbearable when he's ill

[Coffeedoesntcutit]

Looking for some feedback here. I have a 2 year 9 month old boy and whenever he's ill be becomes aggressive to the point it is unmanageable. I have to clear the environment of anything he can possibly throw because he will throw it. I can't leave him alone because he will smash his head against the wall/wooden floors. I'm not talking about a couple of minutes but entire 12 hour days of this behaviour accompanied by hours on end of ear splitting screaming. It really is only when he's clearly ill, e.g. after coming down with a heavy cold/when he had covid/day after a vomiting bug. I've often considered taking him to A&E because it seems extreme but have checked myself as he is not really showing any other signs of serious illness.

I'm utterly at my wits end about what to do in these situations as I am really struggling this. As I said I can't leave him as he will self injure but he doesn't seem remotely calmed or soothed by my presence.

I think part of the problem is my skewed (by social media) perception that when children are ill they just quietly snuggle up on the sofa and watch Disney films. DS has no desire to do this and will just kick me or launch himself from the sofa. Going out in the pram does help for 30 minutes or so until he gets bored of that and then screams/attempts to get out and I have to deal with all the judgey stares and muttered comments from people who don't think I can look after my child (which is frankly how I feel).

Am I the only person whose child is like this?

What's he like otherwise? Meeting milestones, etc? How's his communication?

The rest of the time he's a pretty average 2 year old. Occasional tantrums but pretty switched on. He was a bit delayed speaking but has caught up and his understanding is great, all other milestones fine. He does really stop verbally communicating when he's ill though so I have wondered about autism but it's only when he's ill. It's like he warps into a different person for a few days but he's been like this since birth.

He also is quite routine oriented so I wonder if he is very upset about feeling "different" and not understanding why as I guess the idea of being ill is still pretty abstract for a 2 year old

Dd was similar, wouldn't accept any soothing or sleep in with us when ill, I did wonder at one stage if was possible for a child to be feral.

She's likely not NT.

However she's now incredibly independent whilst still coming to DH or I for hugs at 23 plus very tactical with her dog and boyfriend.

Dd had alot of ear issues which were not always obvious and were very painful I imagine, grew out of that when her Eustachian tubes developed at about 7 I recall.

Hmm i Wonder if he is having ear pain. Does he improve when given Calpol or ibuprofen?
It could be from pain - eg ear drum pain.
Has he been checked for glue ear and perforated ear drum?
I would document and video it next time it happens and get some advice from the GP

My DS used to be like this! Always a rage when he had a temperature. Also suffered with hallucination when very ill. Had night terrors and a bizarre condition called Alice in wonder syndrome that left him hysterical.

Lots of test but never did get a conclusive explanation for any of it. All stopped around the age of 10.