No party invitation - how to discuss with child

[PartyHelpPlease1]

My daughter's not been invited to the horse riding party of one of the girls in her class next week. They've always invited each other to their parties before but I guess they are getting to the age where there are smaller parties now (year 4), so it's absolutely fair enough and just one of those things they will all have to deal with at some point.

I think most or all of the girls in my daughter's group of friends are going except my daughter - I've found out about the party from other parents. I don't know if my daughter knows about the party yet, if she's upset/how upset she will be when she finds out.

Should I tell her now or let her find out at school? What should I say to my daughter - how should I raise it? Any ideas/wisdom? I know this is just a normal part of life but my daughter's faced a few personal challenges lately and I want to handle it in the best way as her self-esteem is already a bit low I think.

We've already got a present for the girl which we can do something else with I suppose!

I think I would arrange a fun event on the same day and then if anything is said by your dd you can explain that some parties can only have so many dc due to room and cost and we're busy anyway so everything has worked out well.
Obviously listen to your dd but keep it breezy and don't make a big thing of it.

Yes this is always difficult.

When this happened to one of my DDs I usually wouldn't mention the party unless they brought it up.

Then I had a conversation about the fact that there will always be things one is not invited to. Acknowledge the hurt and disappointment- that's a natural reaction. Then move on. They have to learn that this won't be the last time this happens unfortunately.

Thank you @HavfrueDenizKisi and @Whiskyvodka . Yes we already have some things in the diary that day - including a little 'party' a neighbour is having so that's good.
I perhaps won't raise it with her then. I have already told her that not everyone can go to every party so she knows. I'm just worried if it shows there are problems for her in her group of friends. But I'll try not to worry.

If you know she'll be very upset best to mention beforehand. The party is unlikely to remain a secret so id rather manage the messaging.
I would be honest and say in a low key / non dramatising way I wanted to mention to you that x is having a party as I thought you might feel left out if you heard at school.
And then commiserate but stress it really does happen to everyone and is a normal part of life and nothing you've done wrong, you'll do other things that other people won't go to etc.
And what fun thing would she like to do that day instead.

Ouch this always hurt .. older DD now but always navigated it exactly as @HavfrueDenizKisi advises ... xx

Thanks @bangersandmash2 Maybe I'll tell her over breakfast tomorrow. Just say, as low key as I can - you might already know but xxx is having a party, she could only invite a few people and she hasn't invited you this time. Then acknowledge that will feel tough but say we will do something special that day.

Probably just best to explain to her that some activities are super expensive and her friend has chosen some other people this time. My daughter understands that you can't always get an invite but was a little hurt when one spiteful friend told her she didn't have an invite 'because our Mum's don't exactly get on', charming!

@WonderingWanda That's a good way to put it Wanda, I will say that.
Sorry about the issue your daughter had x

It’s tough especially when the girls are talking about it at school. Happened to my DD on several occasions. I like to see it as character building.

@PartyHelpPlease1 hope she takes it alright. It breaks my heart sometimes the mean things kids can say to each other. Most of it is nonsense, they are all friends, I try to build a bit of resilience in my kids by saying 'oh, you know what so and so is like, they are just a bit silly and immature, just ignore them till they are being nice again'

Update - I told her, and she already knew. She wasn't upset, she said it's because it's just a small party. And I quickly moved on. All a fuss about nothing on my part!