OLDER MUMS - Having babies over 40 - Anyone had 2 close together and if so how goes it?

[ladymac]

After 3 children and a painful divorce, I was lucky enough to meet a wonderful man 5 years ago. Last year, aged nearly 44, I gave birth to dd3. I was extremely fortunate and conceived her very quickly. She is dh's first child. Some of you may think me mad but I am seriously thinking about trying for another baby.

As the children are quite spread out in age it won't be like having 5 kids under my feet. Dd1 and ds are at uni, so only dd2 (11) at home full time and she goes to her dad's every other weekend.

I've never had 2 children close together before, so if I did manage to conceive this would be a new thing for me. Also I was extremely tired during my pregnancy with dd3 (have been fine since, luckily she's a good sleeper) and worry about chasing a toddler around whilst longing for a nap.

Anyone out there experienced this? What are the positives as well as the negatives?

Hi Ladymac. No experience yet, but will find out in two months! Like you, I had my first dd with my ex, and she is now 13. Then no more until I met new dp - had dd2 13 months ago when I was 39. She was a complete surprise, but very welcome. I didn't want another "only child", and given our ages, thought I'd better move quickly, so started ttc when she was 6 months old. Caught on straight away, and am now due 1st April, when dd2 will be 15 months and I will be 41.

I have to say that the pregnancy has definitely been harder. At 27, with dd1 it seemed a breeze, last time was much worse, but this time, with having a baby to look after too, I am just permanently knackered. I'm sure my age must have something to do with it. I am hoping that I will get some energy back after the birth. And I just keep thinking that the first 6 months will be the worst, then it will get easier.

I look forward to any replies that will tell us how fab it is!

Had my 8th at 40y5m and my 9th at 43y9m. Pregnancies and deliveries straightforward. Not much different to my other pregnancies and deliveries. Yes, tiring looking after a new baby but that was the same when I had the first at 27 and the others in between.
Had 2 mmc between 44y and 45y and no conceptions since so guess she was my last good egg.
Negatives - trying to accommodate across the age groups.
Good luck. Hope it all goes well

hi ladymac - am in my late 30s and have a dd1 (14) and dd2 (3) and ds (2). There is 14 months between the two littlies.

Tis tiring, but cope-able. dd2 didn't sleep. In fact, she has had two weeks of sleeping through, but up to a fortnight ago, she had never had a night's unbroken sleep.

The most awkward thing for me when they were little was that the elder one wanted to play, while the baby needed bfing or rocking to sleep. So I used to sit on the floor and build towers with bricks or something with dd2 whilst nursing ds. This is ok when you're in your 20s but as arthritis starts to kick in, you can't get up again!

Also, I wasn't really prepared for the amount of carrying that I would have to do, which puts a lot of strain on an ageing back, but like I said before, it is all do-able.

One other thing that I didn't think about at all, and you will definitely have the same thing given the age of your youngest elder one - you will have teenage tantrums at the same time as toddler tantrums.

Again, it is do-able, but something to think about.

Good luck. And you are not mad at all, I am seriously considering number 4, so if it was that bad, I wouldn't be even thinking about that, would I!!!

xx

Hi Doingitallagain.

I feel exactly the same way about not wanting dd3 to be like an only child. My dd2 is 11 so could be off to uni or similar when dd3 is just 7. Dd2 adores her baby sister, but before the baby came along she found it hard to adjust to the older 2 going off to uni and the house being so much quieter. I suppose that's what has me preoccupied with thoughts of another baby.

Conceiving was easy last time round. I was 42 then but am 44 now so it may be too late. However I am reasonably fit and healthy, and I don't feel my age (except I definitely DID feel my age during the pregnancy!) so maybe it's possible. I do know someone that had her 4th baby at 47 so there's hope for me yet!

Wow, juule, I am seriously impressed with your numbers. Sorry to hear about the mmc's though. Although the 47 year old I mentioned had 2 mmc's before conceiving her 4th baby.

And Squonk, I know exactly what you mean about hips and backs. The only time I feel my age is when we go to baby groups. I really struggle to get up after sitting on the floor. My left hip hates it when I sit cross-legged. And I spent rather a lot on visits to the osteopath in the autumn

Forgot to mention, dd3 is 10 months now so if I were lucky enough to conceive quickly the gap would be approx 20 months or more. Whatever happens I feel so lucky to have had her but will still keep my fingers crossed for another!

"teenage tantrums at the same time as toddler tantrums" is definitely something to consider.

juuule, what is your age spread and how do you manage it? How do you decide what to do at weekends or holidays for example? Do you do things to suit the older ones or the younger ones?

DS was born when I was 41, then DD when I was 43. Ive since managed to have an affair with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome . I truly believe its down to mental thinking tbh, as Ive not quite got this parenting thing together. I am knackered, my kids arent. They have way too much energy, and I dont get any rest. But Im learning that fatigue goes with the teritary.

Im also learning, that if you become lax in your ways, and even give an inch to yourself, then things become harder. If Im totally dedicated to running the house and looking after the kids, without digressing (say... taking a few mins out for MN ) then things roll on smmothly. As soon as become lax, with a kinda of cant be bothered Im too knackered attitude, it all goes belly up! I lose a grip of the house, discipline both kids and me, and it all becomes shite.

Anyone understand what Im trying to say?

Age spread 21,18,16,15,12,11,9,7,4.

21yo is at uni so doesn't come in to things much.

Weekends - general taxi service for whoever needs to be somewhere. In fact, weekdays are much the same,too. 15yo and up tend to organise their own activities now. The rest we make suggestions and act on that.

Holidays - last year dh took the 12yo and down for a week away. I stayed home with the older ones who didn't want to go. This year?? Not that much money to go round for hols anyway.

Is that the sort of thing you mean?

...and here prooves my point. Here I am taking 2 mins on MN, and DD 2yrs, is upstairs flooding the ruddy bathroom. loo roll down toilet, soggy loo roll up walls, floor drenched. How!!!!!!!!!! how did she do it!! she's 2 for goodness sake. 2!!!!

Lol at the teenage and toddler tantrums! Little girl next door, (well, not so little, she's 11), reckons that we're gonna have the perfect family - a teenager, a toddler and a new baby.
Ahem yes, that just sounds like a lot of screaming to me!!

at worlgirl. I know what you mean. I've just had to put all the books back on the shelves that dd2 has taken off whilst I've typed this. Still better than a flooded bathroom though! Why do they need entertaining/watching all the time? I think that's a problem after having one that's now so much more older and easier, it's a real shock to go back to babyhood.

Wolfgirl

Wolfgirl, sorry to hear about your CFS. And sorry to be smiling at your 2 year old's fun and games!

Dd3 isn't quite crawling yet, so I'm experiencing the lull before the storm right now, as she's been contentedly sitting playing with toys for around 3 months now.

I might kick myself for looking on all this with rose tinted spectacles when she's pulling books off shelves and flooding the bathroom and I'm trying to feed a tiny baby (if I do manage to get pregnant). I just think that if we don't give it a try, will I always be imagining what it could have been like with 2 little ones playing together and growing up together?

Other than the lack of energy levels on my part, and flooded bathrooms , I have to say I was blessed to have two so close together and both be healthy! I was a pretty fit bird before babies though.

things do get easier, little things. We noticed on a weekend away recently, that we didnt have to take so much for instance. And DS and DD can actually play for a while together now, whilst I prepare lunch etc.

Im so looking forward to the summer again though, throw the patio doors open, toys out and leave em to it, whilst i sup coffee on the decking, watching the aeroplanes fly over... to far off destinations... OH STOP WOMAN! what'ja doing to yourself