4 month baby struggles

[Tamarina]

FTM,Have two 19 week olds, they are putting me through it! Not napping more than 30 minutes, screaming crying every bedtime, now one has nappy rash so cried for 3 hours today (lots of bare bum time and sudocrem with nappies so I know it will go), they’re also waking up more at night. I have no idea what to do anymore. I’ve tried early bedtime, I am so confused with wake windows I am just guessing at this point, do I follow their age regardless of sleep. I’m going numb from the crying, this week I’m broken. They seem so miserable by the second nap every day, feel like a totally crap mum. I don’t deserve such great kids, I’m reading everything and anything for advice but I’m all turned around. Does sleep training even work? Am I terrible for thinking about it? Is it me doing something wrong? Any advice or tips I’d be so grateful!

Oof it's a tricky age and I only had one at a time.

Metanium is amazing for nappy rash, it's thick, chalky, yellow.

It's a big developmental change at this age and sleep regression at 4m is very widely known as being a nightmare.

What I found useful at this age was putting my non napping baby down for a sleep WAY earlier than you would think. So instead of waiting till he'd been awake 3 hours and started yawning, rubbing eyes etc, I started putting him down exactly 2 hours from waking. It worked miracles. He would go straight to sleep and nap.

Good luck!

There’s a developmental change in their brains which basically makes them arseholes very difficult at 4 months.

I’ve got a 4 month old too and he’s fighting naps, only napping for 20-30 mins max and a grumpy mess compared to the lovely little newborn he was.

Part of it is their sleep changing and part is them needing more entertainment as they’re more aware now but not actually able to do anything or play properly. It’s my least favourite stage by miles.

My older DD was exactly the same. The good news is it’s nothing you’ve done, they’re not broken and it WILL pass. It’s shit whilst you’re in it though and I can only imagine how much harder it must be with twins.

Try and get as much rest as you can and don’t do anything non essential, your standards need to be really low for a little while. As long as everyone is fed, has clean bums and sleeps a little bit you’re doing brilliantly. If you can outsource anything (cooking/cleaning/washing) then do.

If they’ll sleep in the pram try and get out for a walk once a day. The fresh air will help you feel better (especially if you have headphones and a podcast and get a coffee whilst you’re out!)

I also agree that yellow metanium is magic for baby rash

Another vote for Metanium, I found it much better than Sudocrem.

Have you found the Multiples Section yet? You might get some Twin solidarity in there

Thanks I’ll try earlier naps! Maybe they’ll catch up 🤞

Arseholes is definitely the word! Though I adore them and they’re so great when they’re not knackered and being the aforementioned

Just wanted to reassure you that my girls started linking sleep cycles around the 5.5mo mark and things became noticeably calmer all round. 7.5m now and regularly getting two hours naps. It’s nice to have a wee break to find some energy!

Haven’t seen the multiples section will take a look thanks!

If you’re on Reddit there’s a subreddit called parentsofmultiples which I find really useful. I also got really stuck trying to get the girls into a routine and ended up having a call with the Twins Trust where she gave me some hints and tips and just really talked everything over with me. It was really useful and I’d recommend it!

Oh and to add with wake windows…. I am a fan of “watching for my babies cues” but with two babies (plus a toddler) I was epically failing so I just got strict with wake windows. Started putting them down for a nap 1.5 hours after wake up, and then about every 2 hours after that. If they woke fussing I’d try and rock or feed them back to sleep. If they don’t nap after 20 minutes then I abandon trying. If all hell breaks loose and everyone is hysterical then I stick them in the car or the pram. Also, they’ve got a white noise machine between their cots and have stopped waking each other which really helps.

You are not a crap mum. Twins are hard. Ridiculously fucking hard. I think I’ve bumped into six or seven twin mums (strangers!) out in public when I’ve had my girls and the first thing they’ve all said is “it gets easier”. Usually with a “I’ve blocked out the first year!”. There’s a reason for this… we are all struggling!! You’re about 2.5 months behind me and I was fucking broken back then. I’m actually on the up now I think. Feeling a lot better. Actually think I might be getting the hang of it. My girls were horrible today with teeth and snot and crap naps and I didn’t want to go and drop them at a fire station (progress!)

You’ve got this!