To stop breastfeeding?

[Emarosa]

I’m a first time mum. DS is 20 days old and has been exclusively breastfed so far. We’ve had such a difficult journey though. I had a very severe case of mastitis (doctors, midwives and infant feeding team all commented they’d never seen it so severe - the infection was all over my breast and rock hard). I was admitted to hospital for 5 days and put on a drip. I still have 12 days to go on strong antibiotic tables and will have been on antibiotics for the best part of a month by the time I finish.

To add to the fun… DS and I now both have thrush and have been warned the treatment is unlikely to work until the antibiotics stop.

Ive really, really tried to persevere with breastfeeding for all the health benefits for DS, despite the pain. However, seeing DS sick and sore from my medication is breaking me. He’s constantly cluster feeding and is struggling with reflux. He hasn’t put on as much weight as he should, despite lots of wet and dirty nappies and feeding almost constantly. I’m questioning whether continuing to breastfeed is definitely the best thing for him. I feel I’m making him ill and underfed.

Has anyone else been here? What did you do? Is there a way through?

I haven’t had the same experience as you but it is absolutely OK to stop breastfeeding if you want to. Formula feeding is fine. I breastfed for far longer than I should have and it really impacted my mental health. You don’t need permission and if you’re getting to the point that you’re asking if you can stop, you’re probably at the point to stop, personally.

What do you want to do? There’s no shame in giving up if that’s what you think would make you and DS happier. Equally, if you want to push through that’s great but is likely to be very tough. I’d imagine it depends on how well you feel physically and emotionally really.

Combi feeding is a really valid option too. You could pump a few times per day (it would need to be 6+ to promote a ‘full supply’ but you could probably maintain some level of supply with much less) and bottle feed, supplementing with formula. And then revisit the breastfeeding once the antibiotics are done. Obviously you can’t guarantee that DS would accept a boob after a couple of weeks of bottles and I’d advise getting some support from a lactation consultant but it might just take some pressure off?

Thank you, both. I just want to do the best for DS and it’s hard to know what that is. I love feeding him, but the constant pain is so intense and I’m so worried about his health and weight.

Sorry that you’ve gone through so much at the start of breastfeeding. Mastitis is rubbish and then thrush on top of that really sucks!

If you want to carry on then you absolutely should but there’s a few things I’d do…

Try to get some skilled support for positioning and attachment. If baby is not gaining weight as you think he should and you have had a bad case of mastitis, some support would be really helpful. There are charities around that offer peer support (free!) and also you could look at a private IBCLC but this would come at a cost.

Access treatment (via GP) for thrush - should be for both you and baby in order to clear up.

Hopefully this is a (rubbish!!) blip for you and, if you do choose to carry on, I’d expect to things to be much smoother going forward.

There are lots of benefits to breastfeeding and Id like to reassure you that it will get better (speaking as someone who had thrush, low weight gain, mastitis and an abscess in the first 8 weeks and then went onto reach my breastfeeding goals without any further issues!). Whatever you choose, informed is absolutely best, alongside getting the all support you deserve! Don’t be afraid to seek out support ☺️☺️

It’s not doing you any good is it, you’re really up against it. I stopped in very similar circumstances and the relief was immense, I do not regret it for a moment. I was more relaxed, not crying in pain, tending up at the thought of every feed, and as a result DS was happier too and, most importantly, well fed. Take a step back, it’s absolutely ok ti know you really, really tried but now you need another approach. Thank god formula feeding is an available option to us.

The best for DS is that you and he are happy. Feeding is one small bit of making him happy but you have alternatives, you can formula feed. My DD suffered with reflux too and we found Kendamil to be really good. It didn’t stop the reflux but it was certainly better than the other formulas (and I think we tried them all). You can still love feeding if you bottle feed, it’s different but there’s still a bond. I had a lot of guilt about stopping breastfeeding but I wasn’t enjoying feeding at all. It’s much better that I stopped. I could rest, recover and the burden of feeding was shared. With reflux that was an added blessing because I wasn’t constantly trying to feed a baby that was struggling to keep it down. With reflux I also thought what was the point of me pushing myself so hard for her to just throw it all back up on me 10 minutes later. It took about 6 months for me to stop feeling guilty, for not feeling like I’d failed which is absolutely stupid because I recognised I was heading to a dark place and stopped before I got there. Hormones make you feel funny things though.

When I had mastitis (nowhere near as badly as you!) I was a few months further in. Ds had colic and was in obvious pain from my taking the antibiotics so we switched to formula. I carried on pumping though so a couple of days after I finished the antibiotics we went back to combi feeding and then in a short while we were back to mainly bf.
But the old adage about happy mum = happy baby is true, so if you need to stop dc will be fine.

Also I saw this the other day and it proper made me chuckle!

OP you have already done so much for your DS. You’ve been through so much and you can’t have done more. Honestly it’s absolutely OK to stop and give him formula. I say this as a EBF mum to both of mine, it’s honestly not worth this amount of stress. You want to enjoy your baby and for you to be OK is all that matters!

Yes, it's definitely ok to stop breastfeeding now. It would be the right thing for you and your son. Take care, I hope things improve for you soon.

I breastfed my first for four months, he had tounge tie and was so painful
Now my second son is still breastfeeding at 14 months .... no issues
Sometimes it just doesn't work out ... see how you feel but if it's really getting the best of you then maybe look at mixed feeds then if you feel happier move to full formula
You've already done amazing xx

Yes, exactly this!! Mine just managed to find a speck of cat litter on the floor and stuck it straight in his mouth!!

I had the same experience with my eldest. Was hospitalised from mastitis, sepsis and on a drip. Felt truly horrific and was ready to give up. But I didn't, and she's still breastfeeding at over 2 years old now. You've had a tough time of it and you wouldn't be unreasonable to stop, but if breastfeeding is something you want to do then unfortunately you do have to Wade through this shit bit. But 9 times out of 10 it will get easier. Good luck.

Thanks for all the replies - you’re really helping me to feel a bit better. It feels like such a definitive decision, but maybe I should experiment with a mixed approach for a while and see how that goes while we all recover.

I relate so much to some of the experiences you’re describing, including the dreading of every feed. He’s asleep on me now and I can’t help but look at him and feel so guilty - hormones are silly aren’t they!

In your shoes I wouldn't hesitate to switch to formula. At a push you could pump and dump until the antibiotics have finished and thrush treatment has worked. Breastfeeding is hardest at the beginning and much easier down the line but you have had such a rough start, I'm impressed you're still going. Fed is best.

Stop torturing yourself and do the most sensible thing for both of you. You e tried your utmost now stop

Why do you feel guilty ? I didn't feed any of my babies and I don't feel guilty. They are happy and healthy why would I ?

I didn’t necessarily decide to stop by the way. I stopped for Christmas Day with every intention to continue trying to breastfeed on Boxing Day. But on Boxing Day I literally just couldn’t face it. The thought of having to go back to it was awful, I was dreading it and I started crying. I shouldn’t have that reaction to feeding my child and so I just didn’t pick it back up. It felt like a thick, black smoke descending on me to just feed DD and knowing I had to do. You can try a day. If the next day you just can’t pick it back up, there’s your answer. You might find you can pick it back up and do combi feeding.

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to thank you all so much for your comments and support. It was such a tough time, and it really was such a relief just to post and get other perspectives.

In case anyone visits this post in similar circumstances to mine- we did end up stopping breastfeeding at 4 weeks. I started to get mastitis in the other breast and it just wasn’t worth it. The infant feeding team at the hospital were unbelievably supportive. They helped transition to bottles and manage down my milk supply gradually. They said they agreed with my decision and that I would likely have been on antibiotics the entire time due to my propensity for infection. I now better understand too that there were some concerns about what might have caused such severe mastitis too, but that they weren’t properly able to check my breasts while they were lactating. I’ve now had full scans and fortunately all clear!

A very happy mum and happy 4 month old DS! :)