5 month old hates crib

[Flowergirl111]

Hi everyone,
my 5 month old is ebf still and just does not want to go in her next to me. She still wakes twice in the night, I can occasionally get her in her crib when she first falls asleep, after feeding next to me I slide her in. But in the night after her first wake up she usually ends up in with me as she just re wakes every time I move her in and screams. I can be up hours in the night, re feeding her to sleep, waiting until she’s in a deep sleep and then moving her over, for her to wake up and restart it all.
I never wanted to be a co- sleeper but unfortunately it’s happened to me, my partner sleeps in the spare room to make it safer.
Any advice and is this quite typical? We are supposed to be trying her in her cot in her own room next month but at the moment I can’t see that happening!

Very normal and it won’t last forever. Just try to manage as best you can, putting her in her crib for as much as the night as she manages. Don’t stress if it’s only one or two sleep sessions per night. Try and get her sleeping in there during the day if you can. Eventually she WILL get the hang of sleeping in the cot. Until then it’s just about doing whatever you need so that everyone gets enough rest. PS my babies have all been like that so I’m speaking from experience. I refused to cosleep with my first and life was very tough. I relented with my second, rode it out and had a much better life, and he did learn to sleep in his cot in the end.

Thank you @DiaDeLluvia I have been stressing and beating myself up that I’m doing something wrong but hopefully she will get there!

My 5 month old was like this. I ended up buying a bed for his room instead of a cot, co-slept until I didn't want to, then slowly moved out back to my own bed. He absolutely LOVES the bed, it's made the whole process so easy, I can comfortably lie with him now when he needs me, and no transition from cot to bed. Something to consider. I wish I'd done it with my first, who also hated the next to me and then hated the cot!

My now 6 month old was ok sleeping in the next to me crib until around 4/5 months.
He would start waking every 1.5 hours to 2 hours from the minute we put him in there in the evening and all through the night. Always ended up getting in our bed so we could all get a better sleep.

We decided to try him in his own room at 6 months (only 2 weeks ago) incase we were disturbing him. The first few nights he was up a fair amount but he soon adjusted and sleeps so much better! For the last 3 nights he has gone 8:30-5:30. He occasionally wakes up but settles back off with the dummy.

I have probably jinxed it now 😬

I'm having the same issues but I don't think our issue is the cot itself, it's the fact she can't self settle and gets frustrated she can't get back to sleep so I end up bringing her into the bed and giving cuddles and kisses until she drifts off again.

I don't want to co sleep either and she really needs to go in her own room but the thought of getting up so many times a night fills me with dread. Don't think I've had a good nights sleep since the day she was born...actually I had pregnancy insomnia too. Urgh.

@MsFrog That’s a good idea, thank you.

@ijustdontknow1 Wow 8.30-5.30 is just amazing!! I don’t think we are disturbing her as I usually just go off to sleep when she does but I suppose you never know!

The issue is that she now relies on the breastfeed to get back to sleep which is why she is waking up then feeding to sleep

Id probably co sleep at this point jusy to get some sleep, but you could also try some gentle sleep training like pick up / put down or something like controlling crying at 6 months

youll also need to night wean cos she’s taking in calories in the night now too

@7upandup this is exactly why I’m not putting her in her own room unless something changes, I think it’ll just mean we are up more in the night and as I’ll be going back to work after Christmas I wanted more sleep not less!
Have you found any ways to self settle? I her about this all the time and I may sound stupid but is this just learning to settle themselves?! I don’t know how to teach her to do this other than controlled crying which I know isn’t recommended and doesn’t work!

Have you tried lying her in keeping one hand underneath and one hand on top, slowly taking bottom hand out but leaving hand on top then slowly slowly taking that away too..
Also, consider keeping her in your room for long, they say at least a year if possible xx

@ShirleyPhallus What is pick up/put down? Probably a really stupid question as I’m imagining it’s something to do with picking up and putting down!
Im finding everything a bit hard to understand (first time Mum!) as I was told to breastfeed on demand which is what I’ve always done, through the night too but now is it that I’m doing something wrong?

@Flowergirl111 I think the reality is you just need to do what you need to do. I'm panicking about going back to work too! And there is no way I'm getting up several times and losing sleep when the bed is the easiest option. Never thought I would say that either, never wanted to co sleep.
I love the suggestion of the bed and co sleeping in their room, wish I had done that to start with
My little one hits her head and rubs her face when she's tired or waking up which is why she struggles to get back to sleep. Wasn't a problem when swaddled but she's five months now so can't do that. Have had to buy a special sleep suit that covers her hands so she doesn't claw her face to bits. I have to hold her hands down or hold her hand to sleep. No idea how we get out of that one!

You aren't doing anything wrong, this is what breastfeeding is like, something that midwives and health visitors don't always prepare you for.

We all want our babies to "self-settle", but the reality it that can take a long time for them to learn, and you need sleep in the meantime. It's completely normal and expected that a bf baby will feed to sleep, and you need to just get the rest any way you can, especially when you go back to work.

I'm sure you're doing a great job - it's very hard bf a young baby, and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong - it's just hard!

You are not doing anything wrong

No sorry, that was badly worded, I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing anything wrong as you definitely aren’t

It’s just that as babies get older they get more excited at the world around them and less interested in feeding during the day, so often around now coupled with the 4 month sleep regression they end up feeding a lot at night which then ends in a cycle of eat to sleep, then they wake up and realise they’re not on the boob, cry, have a feed, take in more calories, fall asleep and the cycle repeats. Sometimes then babies end up feeding more at night and having BF as the crutch and the parents get no sleep!

Pick up put down is great because it’s very gentle. You wait for the baby to wake up and cry, pick them up, settle and calm them, and pop them back down when calm. If they cry you do the same again. Eventually they’ll fall asleep and you’ve achieved the holy grail which is to get them to fall asleep on their own in their cot. However sometimes it can take ages and they can be furious with you cos they’re tired and want milk etc.

if you’ve got space I’d just go for a double floor bed in babies room, feed to sleep and roll away once you want to start leaving them alone for sleep (from 6 months we put a monitor on for the evenings but continued co-sleeping with her rest of the night.

Moving DD 1 cured her frequent wake ups on day 1. I'm not sure if the next to mattress was too hard or we were disturbing her but either way it was problem solved. We did it at five months.

It could be that your baby is too cold, but is warm when next to you. Try wrapping them up warmer than you think they need, see if that helps - touch the tip of their nose and pop a finger onto their chest to check they really are warm. They can't generate much heat with their tiny bodies, less when they are still. Ambient temp makes a big difference. The room temp recommendations were always way below what my babies could tolerate.

Just saw this, ideal! Don't know if links to Facebook work, but...

www.facebook.com/reel/691281685618476?s=yWDuG2&fs=e

Ooh I do like that @MsFrog
thank you for all your support everyone! I’ve taken a step back a bit this week and realized I’m going to waste all my precious time with her on mat leave stressing g about what her sleeps like when she’ll get there eventually and there can’t be much lasting damage as there’s no 30 year women out there who have to sleep with their Mum!!
Currently got her asleep next to me on the bed and going to transfer her to the cot in a minute! Fingers crossed For a peaceful night 🤞🏼🥰