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Three year old is unbearable at the moment. What am I doing wrong?

15 replies

herringrose · 23/11/2022 07:45

He's never been an easy child but was on the whole a sweet little boy. Lately all he does is whinge and cry about every little thing. Without fail mornings start with him waking up fine and within 15 minutes he's crying because of something, he asked for toast and we made him toast, his cereal is in the wrong bowl, he doesn't want to get dressed, he doesn't want to brush his teeth. He more often than not cries the entire way to nursery, proper scream crying, despite the fact he's happy all day when he's there. I physically can't drive him there without AirPods in on noise cancellation now because I feel like I'll crash with him screaming 30 mins straight. I dread his afternoons at home with me, if he doesn't get his way about every single thing he wants again he starts crying, he doesn't seem to talk his normal voice again he just whines and whinges. There's just no joy in this house anymore, constant crying and shouting and whinging and in the brief times he's not being that way you're walking on eggshells waiting for the next thing to set him off. I obviously still love him but I really don't like being around him at the moment and I'm so worn down I'm constantly on the edge of getting cross with him and trying so hard to parent 'gently'. Snuck off upstairs now as I type this hiding in the bathroom whilst he's downstairs screaming and crying that he wants more breakfast, he's had 2 bowls and needs to leave for nursery. I'm so fed up.

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Thomaslovesalison · 23/11/2022 07:54

My formerly sweet and happy three year kind month old boy has morphed into a whinging tantrum king over the last few months. I was speaking to my friend in the same predicament and we've decided it's a hormone surge. You are not alone! He's also also desperately clingy, if I leave the room he immediately cries, but sometimes I need to make dinner or go to the loo...joyful times. Good luck x

Thomaslovesalison · 23/11/2022 07:54

Sorry - three year nine month old

Ramsd · 23/11/2022 07:55

Yep I’ve got a three and a half year old going through the exact same thing. You’re not alone!
it will pass 🤞

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anyolddinosaur · 23/11/2022 07:57

How are you reacting, does he get whatever he wants? Dont give in, dont provide extra attention, ignore as far as possible. Do him extra food if hungry though.

herringrose · 23/11/2022 08:20

I mean if he's been told no to something and cries for it we don't give in, if he decides he wants the blue bowl but he's got the red bowl I will sometimes swap them just to stop the battle I'll do it. But overall we don't back down. I'm just so fed up. My husband dropped him off today because I couldn't take the 40 mins screaming this morning followed by 30 mins screaming in the car and he's phoned me now asking about trivial things whilst I can hear my son in the back scream crying and my nerves are totally shot now.

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ThatPirateLady · 23/11/2022 08:20

I have found my people. The fucking whinging and whining is horrific.

toomuchlaundry · 23/11/2022 08:23

We sailed through the terrible twos not a whinge in sight and then he turned 3 😱

MontyK · 23/11/2022 08:31

Mine was horrific between 3-4 - I honestly thought I was going to have a breakdown I was on edge ALL the time.

He was so unreasonable about everything and pushed us to the absolute limits. We were very unhappy throughout that year.

Anyway I am happy to report that he is 8 now and an absolute delight (aside from a bit of moodiness from time to time)!

Mine really improved from 4-5 and just got better and better from there.

Hang on in there, this is a phase, albeit a horrible one and it will pass. But stand firm, stay consistent, enforce rules and boundaries. What you do now will shape him going forward imo.

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/11/2022 08:32

Same.

Just trying to get through it, being as patient as possible and giving him lots of choices whilst also consistently maintaining the important boundaries. Just got to keep going!

herringrose · 23/11/2022 08:34

You mean there's no magic cure or off button?! Sad

I had prepared myself for everything to go incredibly south with his behaviour in January (baby brothers arrival) but looks like he's decided to get a head start. Which probably means he'll get even worse when the babies born.

Is it too late to not have another?!? Shock

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Tigertealeaves · 23/11/2022 18:47

Bit late to the party but can I join this thread please... 3 year 2 month DD is whinge whinge and constant energy all the time. Runs away from the toothbrush, the hairbrush, dinner, and clothes, every single task seems to be difficult right now.

Also taking up to an hour to go to sleep and keeps getting up. We have no evenings.

Oh and there are teenagers in the house too

aaaaaaaaagh
I want a time machine!

anyolddinosaur · 23/11/2022 20:37

Naughty step or put him in another room to whinge and whine wherever possible. Obviously you cant do that in the car but a behaviour chart with stars for any day he doesnt scream his head off and a treat for a set number of stars. The more consistent you both are the sooner it will change.

Mamabear04 · 23/11/2022 22:04

I'd just like to join in and say I was not at all prepared for what has just happened. DD started behaving like this a couple of months ago and has just turned 3yo. Such a lovely 2yo and then suddenly its like she's had a personality transplant. Just constant complaining and kick back on everything. She wants everything to ve a fight. And the sass?! OMG!!!!!! When will it end?! I can't take a full year of this!

SeaToSki · 23/11/2022 22:09

What is he like at nursery? If he saves it just for you and is not tantrumming there, book a 10 min chat with his key worker and ask what they do if he starts to get fussy that breaks the cycle. They often have very clever ways (through long experience) to short circuit tantrums and if you use the same techniques it might be a short cut to reducing them (a bit)

sprinkleparty · 24/11/2022 13:23

In the same boat here but almost out the other side, constant tantrums are subsiding. What works for us isn’t punishment but acceptance. Sounds strange but instead of getting riled up when DD does, I tell myself to accept that she has big feelings that she needs to let out. Hold her and try to pass on calmness and soothing “there theres” until the crying subsides. Sometimes put gently and safely on a bed if she won’t be held, seems to sometimes need space to let it out alone. Let her know I’m here when she’s ready. Listen to Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled podcast and read her blog, lots of good advice.

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