2nd child guilt

[HenrysHome]

Hi everyone, would appreciate some words of encouragement and wisdom please! I have Ds 26 months and DD 4 months, and I'm really really struggling with the guilt of not being able to look after both of their needs at the same time. DS is my rainbow baby after my first DS was stillborn and he's my absolute everything, I miss him so so much since DD (very much planned and wanted) has come along. She's going through a really fussy stage at the moment and I resent her for taking time away from DS. Then I feel guilty because obviously I love her too and it's not her fault that I can't split myself in two! Feeling very tearful about it today, help me wise women of Mumsnet!

Hopeful bump?

Do you have a partner or family to help and support, who could take care of DD while you spend quality time with DS? It will get easier as they get older, don't beat yourself up x

There's a similar gap between my older kids and they are best buds. I feel like they are a gift to eachother. Holidays, days out, rainy days at home...they have eachother and while they fight, they enjoy eachother. I frequently look at their bond and just feel so delighted that they have that bond. The intensity of the early days was worth it, in my case.

Thanks for your reply @serenaisaknobhead , my husband is brilliant with them both but since DD refuses a bottle he can't really take her for any length of time, she did take a lovely nap earlier so I made sure DS and I had some quality play time together. That's so good to hear @Totellyouthetruth it's what I'm hoping for them! At the moment DS just isn't interested at all in her except when she cries in the car and he loses it because he's not good with loud noises, I'm worried he's going to associate her with feeling negative!

Didn’t want to read and run OP. It’s tough in the early days with a small gap; I have 19 months between my boys and my god did I feel the same guilt. Also had my eldest in reception so I felt awful that she was in school during the day whilst the boys had my attention, albeit shared.

I just wanted to assure you it will pass. I remember playing with elder DS when you get DS napped, is that a possibility? Also putting baby down for sleep after a nighttime feed and having half an hour quality time with the elder one.

The fact you’re worrying about this shows what a fantastic, loving mum you are and I am positive both your children feel very loved.

My first child had no interest in my second at all. Once the eldest was 4 and the youngest was about 2 they clicked. I was an only child and was very sad and lonely quite a lot. Not every only child feels this, but I really wanted my kids to have èachother and have been blessed enough for this to have been a possibility. They are very close but at the start they barely noticed eachother. Don't over think it. Get through these early days and you will be thankful that you had them close together once they are a bit older.