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Original poster

changes in my daughter 4 weeks before birth of second baby!

28 replies

littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 21:38

i am 36 weeks pregnant with my second baby and have noticced in the last week or so that my 3 year old daughter has started acting differently. she never wants to go out and hates me leaving her at the childminders and at pre-school. she's never been like this before and with that and my hormones i'm really struggling!! has anyone else had anything like this happen? i wonder if it's got something to do with the new arrival, but i'm not sure how much my daughter actually understands.

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littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 21:39

oh, i forgot to mention she constantly whinges and wants cuddles- whereas she never used to be clingy at all!

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merryberry · 30/01/2008 21:59

am nearly 36 wks, my 2.6 ds is getting a bit more demanding as well. i think because he can sense the excitement in others, i keep having to leave extra to see midwife doc etc, and also the way i'm getting a bit dreamy and withdrawn in myself as i gear up for it all. he does know there is a baby coming, to some extent. he keeps asking for stories about babies and mentions it.

anyway. all i can think to do is make an effort 2 or 3 tmes a day to give him that real 1:1 concentration he always used to get - i make myself snap out of wondering about the birth, the next few mths, etc.

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littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 22:04

yeah- i reckon i'm probably not quite here all the time either- i keep worrying myself stupid about things that are totally out of my control and she's probably picking up on that. i just hope that once the baby's here and my hormones return to normal this will go away!

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Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:08

My ds was the same and 8 weeks after having the baby he is still quite clingy, especially if he is leaving me alone with the baby. We have had to make up things such as 'you are going to grandma, mummy is going to work (I wish!) and baby is going to the baby place', to get him to go to anywhere, even previously beloved places. Luckily he is young enough to believe in a 'baby place'.
Bizarrely though he trots off to pre school no problem. But is distraught if someone other than me picks him up. I think it is easing off a bit now.
I warn you though, he was ok visiting me in hospital but threw the mother of all meltdown tantrums when dh tried to take him home. Prepare for possible same.

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:09

This all sounds very familiar - DD was 2 when DS arrived last August....she went from being very independent to clingy and never wanted to leave the house, even for her favourite activities. It was exhausting just to get her to put her coat and boots on..and it was just the start of a whole raft of changes in her behaviour - none of which were impossible to cope with, but all of which in hindsight were clearly to do with impending birth and subsequent arrival of DS. She was adorable to him in the day, but suddenly was waking more in the night than he was! Good news is - it passes. Just try to be as patient and understanding as possible. DS is now 5 months and I think we are now out of the woods and she is pretty much back to normal self [touch wood emoticon]

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:11

Bimblin - snaps! DD wouldn't even go to monkey music, which she LUURRRVES!

Original poster
littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 22:13

did all these changes happen before the baby was born - or just after? aaaarrrrrgggghhhh- i'm really scared now!!

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Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:20

Both - sorry. Really peaked just after the baby was born, he got into bed with me every night which he hadn't done for about a year. I was absolutely exhausted - get lots of back up - ideally people who'll come to yours as ds wouldn't leave with anyone.
In hindsight we were a bit too harsh on his behaviour and tried to make him behave better (which got worse HUGELY) and it was being nice to him that helped. And getting him presents 'from the baby' has helped him like the baby, though What To Expect says you shouldn't do that

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:23

Clingy before, but waking happened after - but honestly, she was good as gold to him, behaviour changes presented themselves elsewhere - if you get away with them accepting the baby then you are on to a good thing. MW told me that for a first child, it's akin to our DH/DP bringing home a new, younger wife and telling you that he thinks you're going to be best friends and can hang out together, and proceeds to spend all day cuddling her on the sofa! Sorry - that's just there to make you laugh, not disturb you more! Honestly, it will be fine - do the whole present from baby thing - get her helping with nappies etc - little girls love being mum's helper and my DD loves showing DS (now weaning) how to eat properly etc. You'll be fine - the joys of motherhood etc etc

Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:23

Oh - and he took against dh too and still is to an extent - not trying to scare you just prepare you in case.

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:24

Bimblin - are you me????

Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:25

Sycamoretree - we are the same! Glad to hear its settling a few months on!

Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:26

Spooky! We posted at the same time too

Original poster
littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 22:29

thanks sycamore- that did make me laugh- i hadn't thought about it like that like but it makes sense! think i'd better go to toysrus tomorrow and get the baby to spend some money!!

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Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:37

Tee hee - have to confess that the talking Peppa Pig and George that the baby dragged out of me during my C-section for DD were so neglected that we ebayed them just before xmas and made a killing .

On a more serious note - I TOTALLY echo bimblin on being too harsh - you just have to get a bit zen about it all for a while and put yourself in their shoes. DD initially stopped feeding herself and regressed in lots of ways. It's only now DS is weaning she's shown an interest in picking up her own spoon for more than the first mouthful. I indulged her - to be honest, had too many other things to be juggling than worrying about whether or not she fed herself. TRY your hardest to resist the LOOK littlemonsterDD, isn't littlemonster baby so funny/cute the way they do that. Look, they just smiled, look, they just farted! Fact is, the toddler just DO NOT CARE and they can really see the look on your face when your are trying too hard! . My DD used to say, in all seriousness, "mummy, why are you talking like that?"

Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:40

Gosh - don't think I've ever posted so much on one thread - last bit of (possibly unwanted but god I tell you hard earned) advice - get people to make a fuss of dc rather than the baby. Smart people gave us presents for both. The baby will cope with not having as much attention but your life will be way easier if you don't have your first child playing up as much. I'm only just emerging from the hellish first six weeks of no sleep at night and a toddler that makes damn sure you don't sleep in the day...but on a positive note both now go to bed at 7 and I have an evening...yay.

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:46

Yes, most people clued up these days on double gift giving (both mine born in August, so DD thought her birthday went on for an entire month) but if you suspect any of your relatives or mates might not be, get DH to greet them at door with a word to the wise. Let your DD introduce her (brother/sister? Do you know yet?! - getting excited for you, tee hee!) to your visitors. Get them to take a slightly proprietorial role, if you see what I mean. Good luck - I too could yak on this subject all night, but it's time for (finally!) last feed of the night for DS. Ta ta

Original poster
littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 22:47

sycamoretree- was dd at pre-school when baby was born? i don't know what to do if i end up with a c-section and taking dd to pre-school for the 1st 4 weeks when you can't drive.

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Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:47

That's get your DD to take a proprietorial role...not your visitors!

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littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 22:49

another problem with the whole gift thing may be that the baby is due on dd's birthday- she'll probably get confused about what all the presents are for!! great planning on my part!!

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Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:51

No, she only starts nursery in September this year...but actually most insurers are totally fine about you driving - mine didn't care less - I've had two sections, one emergency then this one elective and I was driving as soon as I wanted to/felt able (two weeks with DS). The four weeks thing is something hospitals say, but IME insurers are far more relaxed. Call them tomorrow for some peace of mind. Mine said, if you feel fine to drive, then we're happy for you to. And it was two diff companies with each section. Do you think you might end up with one? Did you last time?

Bimblin · 30/01/2008 22:52

My last post - honest - I did like it when ds saw another couple with a baby and said 'YOUR baby is all red, MY baby is lovely' .
Night

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:53

Ah. littlemonstersmum - you had same issue as me - my DD was born 14th Aug and DS was due 27th, but was delivered on 25th...am sure you'll manage to avoid the day - keep your legs crossed and avoid raspberry leaf!

Sycamoretree · 30/01/2008 22:54

Night Bimblin - nice chatting.

Original poster
littlemonstersmum · 30/01/2008 22:56

yeah, i had an elective section last time coz the awkward little bugger was breech!! i find out on friday whether i need another- i'm hoping not though!

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