4 year old being excluded from groups - pls advise on how to help her

[caromik]

I would really appreciate advice on how to help my little girl cope with being rejected by other children. She is a normal, bright, gregarious and surprisingly articulate 4 year old with a younger sister but for some reason she is always excluded from groups, even though fine with one to one. We recently went to a birthday party for a girl in my DD's school. There weren't many children there and only one other girl a part from the birthday girl and mine. They all went upstairs to play but my DD soon came down and with a sad and puzzled expression said the other children didn't want to play with her. When they came downstairs I could see how the girls ignored her efforts to engage them as she trailed after them. This sort of thing happens all the time. Today she went on a play date with two other little girls and the same thing happened all over again. It really breaks my heart because she so looks forward to playing with other children. I would dearly love to give her a strategy to help her cope and most of all preserve her confidence. Any advice would be so welcome!

sorry don'y have any advice as mine is only 7 months old, but wanted to say how lovely andcaring i think it is of you to try and help your dd out in this way

we have probably all been there in our own childhoods being lft out and its not nice

o bless her - i can't understand either why this is happening, have you tried telling her to push herself in more, be more assertive ?Thats all I can think of !
I was very shy as a child and always backed off from situations if they panned out the way you describe, so I've tried really hard to get my dds (3 and 5 yrs) to push themselves forward, be more bolshy etc, and it has taken time, but seems to be working, particularly with dd1 at school.
Does she have friends she mentions at school ?

Same thing here; DD1 is only just coming out of this, at nearly 5. Starting school helped alot. All I can suggest is 3 is ALWAYS a crowd and try to get her together with just one other girl at a time; talk to her about the "politics" of playing with others (taking turns to choose what to play etc) and if possible find a child with similar interests. DD1 is very imaginative and wants to role play all the time. Playing with more action-orientated kids was impossible; is much better now though, so try to keep the faith!