How did DC2 affect your relationship with DC1?

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Just that really. DC2 arrived 5 days ago, much wanted and loved, but now I find myself worrying that my lovely relationship with DC1 has been ruined. Probably not helped my the fact I've had a c section so can't do a lot of her daily routine stuff at the moment, and am BF the baby so often otherwise occupied. I already find myself missing the days when it was just me and her, and sad that DC2 will never have that. Has anyone felt the same before and come out the other side? I think I just need reassurance that she will forgive me, that I'll love DC2 just as much in time and that it's possible to have the same amount of love for two children as I have for DC1…

It will all be fine! The early months are hard. Find some time ONLY with DS1 every day. 10-15 mins full attention doing whatever he wants. Lots of kisses and I love yous. Good luck, will be ok!!

Most of my friends have just had DC2 and experienced everything you've said. They said after the first month the first child adapts and it becomes routine again. Time is easier to give to both children too. I'd tell myself it's just hormones and the huge change. Both children will get your love and attention and the breastfeeding will begin to space out again. It's just a short phase and your Dc1 has now a sibling to share life with. In 5/6 weeks you'll probably go back to your routine with DC1 with some adaptions. I'm due my second soon and also have these thoughts but more so that DC2 won't get to have that one to one time but then I tell myself he/she will have a sibling to play with and entertain them etc which DC1 didn't have. It's just life I guess.

And congratulations!

It will all settle down. It’s very early days.

i felt terrible for dc1 when dc2 came along, it was during a lock down and I obviously had no external help and dh was out working and it was just me, the toddler and the baby for months.. Dc1 got pushed aside a bit as it was constant feeding and bum changing with the new baby. I done my best, but I struggled to meet both of their required needs. Especially Dc1s emotional needs. However it did get easier. I do try and make time for me and dc1. I really miss just spending time with her.

however, I do love just being with them both, the three of us just doing stuff together. Its just finding a new normal as a family.

Thanks all, that's reassuring to hear. I know things will just settle into a new normal soon. And it takes me a while for that love to grow with a new little person - thinking back to when DC1 was born I had a similar feeling of regret for the life I'd left behind. I'll just keep focussing on the fact that ultimately it will be a different life but (hopefully) a positive thing that they will have each other now.

It is so hard OP my littlest is just over 11 months and the oldest started school in September. We had issues in the beginning, then it died down and we had a lovely few months but she is getting jealous again. It’s a balancing act, prioritising one over the other when you have to.

When baby naps pop them in the sling and have some game time with your oldest. Go to the park and have an hour playing, play dough, puzzles, baking, whatever they enjoy. Eventually, you’ll start to see their relationship blossoming and your little one looking up to their big brother/sister and it will give you all sorts of feelings.

What you’re feeling right now is totally normal and it may possibly get worse before it gets better. (We literally said, oh no we’ve ruined older DC’s life- now looking back it feels quite dramatic 😩)

It will be fine. I had the same where the ‘love’ isn’t there instantly but grows over the early weeks, and had DC2 by c-section too.
You might be in a for a tough month or two while you recover and everyone gets used to your new normal, but you will get your balance back. My DC2 is almost 3 and they adore each other, so you’ve added love to DC1s life not reduced it.
If they’re old enough get DC1 to help you care for baby, fetch you a nappy, choose which babygrow etc.

This is what I am worried about. I have a 4 yr old DD and the most amazing bond and relationship and 2 weeks today to a Csection.... I am happy and blessed to be expecting DS but I'm like ARGHHH what have I doneee already lol

I found it a hard transition too. Everyone was so helpful taking dc1 for a while here and there but no one would take dc2 for a while and just let me spend a bit of time with dc1. I missed him, and being alone with him and being a team of two so so much.

It took a while to feel love for dc2 although I was a much more competent mother to her. Poor dc1 had a complete idiot.

It all came right after a while. A brilliant piece of advice I got was to talk about the older child when you coo at the little one. The baby won’t understand what you’re saying but the older child will and it gives them a bit of positive attention if you’re talking about what big brother is doing and how great he is.

How old is your DC1. Mine has a 3 year age gap and DC1 was very very excited to have a baby sister. She was going to nursery 3 days a week and that gives a good balance between having only the baby and doing toddler things. They still have a very good relationship now they are 11 and 8.

DC1 is 23 months. She's at a really lovely age, her language is exploding and she's just so much fun to be with. I think that makes it worse as I feel I'm going to miss out on some of these amazing moments now! I'm lucky to have a lot of support from DH and my mum so I'm taking every opportunity to spend time with her but it still doesn't feel like enough.

I'm finding the same here too, my eldest is 3y 5m and I've got a 12 week old.

I miss being able to just be there for my eldest as my new baby won't let me put her down and I'm BF so that makes it harder to spend that 1:1 time with my eldest.

We've seen behaviour changes but that's normal, but I do miss just being able to give her a cuddle or play with her. I especially miss being able to just reassure her and snuggle down with her if she has a bad night as new baby won't be put in the cot and therefore has to come through too.

I'm just waiting for the new baby to be more settled and then hoping things can be a bit more 1:1 with my eldest.