Advice re. dog being anxious around baby

[Scottishbump85]

We have a 1 year old lab who is simply wonderful; well behaved and well trained (even if I do say so myself haha).

He is used to young children and absolutely adores my niece and nephew who are 3 and 6, but ever since our baby girl has become more vocal (she babbles loudly) and moves around, he seems really unsure of her. He actively avoids her and will often not eat if she is in the room. If she cries he shakes. :(

It makes me sad cos I always thought he’d have this instant protector role and want to be near her all the time :(

Just to clarify that he doesn’t have an aggressive bone in his body and has never and would never hurt her, but obviously we wouldn’t leave them alone as you can never be 100% sure.

Anyway, I’m babbling! I guess I want to
know if anyone has experienced this and it’s gotten better? I wonder if once she’s walking and talking he’ll understand what she is (a human haha) or if I need to get a behavioral expert in? I feel like we’ve ruined his wee life (sob)

No advice I’m afraid but my Labrador has been the same he’s struggling to adjust. She’s 4 months old now and he is slowly getting better. I try not to discourage him from giving her a sniff (unless it’s her face) and let him have a little investigate. He also doesn’t like her crying I guess it’s something to do with the tones and pitch on their little ears.

I get the guilt though sometimes I feel like I’ve ruined his life but I’m sure when she’s throwing food at him from a high chair he’ll come around

My ddog was older, he pushed off to another room if the cried, but then he did that if we talked loudly (as in lots of people talking at once). Current ddog takes one look of niece and nephew arriving then takes himself upstairs out of the way, but magically appears if he hears the conversation include park!

It's a very normal reaction - unfortunately social media etc gives a very unrealistic picture of what a family with dogs and babies can look like for many!

Ours reacted similarly when we brought our daughter home. One would go into manic barking every time she cried. They are still uneasy when she is making lots of noise and she is 14 months, but it is slowly getting better. Small children can be scary for even the most well adjusted dogs - they make strange unpredictable noises and strange unpredictable movements.

Most importantly don't force them to be together. He needs his own safe space that he can go to when he doesn't want to be around her and from the beginning you need to teach her to respect his space ie don't approach him, let him approach her in his own time. Try and find some acceptance yourself that this isn't going to look how you pictured, certainly in the short term, and take practical steps to enable your dog and baby to co-exist happily in your home. This doesn't mean they have to be together all the time. You are right to be vigilant re not ever leaving them alone - fear can easily switch to unintended aggression.

As an example - our dogs and daughter spend most of the time separate in the house to reduce their stress levels. We make sure they still get 2 good walks a day and they often join us when we go out with her as they are more relaxed around her outside. We have quality time with them in the house when she is napping in the day or when she is in bed in the evenings. When she is playing in the house they are settled in their beds in our utility room (safe space). At the beginning it felt strange as I was used to having them around me all the time but they quickly adjusted to the new routine and everyone is more relaxed. It's perfectly do-able but you have to adjust your expectations and accept a new way of doing things is needed - I too felt like I had ruined their lives to start with but I can now see they still have a great life with us, even if it's not how I pictured it.

It makes me sad cos I always thought he’d have this instant protector role and want to be near her all the time :(

This is unrealistic and an unfair expection on the dog. He almost certainly does not even recognise her as the same species/type of creature as adult humans.

A dog does not need any relationship with a baby and you should be aiming for them to peacefully coexist without upetting each other. The relationship comes much later when both are old enough.

In the meantime, you hope they don't do anyting that jeapordises the chances of them developing a relationship later. You do that by carefully managing any time they are together, keeping it relaxed, slowly letting them get used to each other, not forcing any interaction and giving the dog plenty of space to take himself away from the baby when he wants.

Thanks everyone. Just to clarify that I’m not forcing the dog to be near the baby. He sometimes goes up and kisses her of his own accord (so maybe he doesn’t hate her after all), but most of the time he keeps his distance.

I will adjust my expectations accordingly! Good to know it’s a fairly common reaction x