I'm an awful mother.

[LuP88]

Tonight my daughter who is 3 came into my bedroom and I was so frustrated because she began to scream and wanting me to move so she could be on my side. I told her 3 times I weren't moving and her screams were getting louder.
I grabbed her by both arms and shook. For 2 seconds but I did it. I immediately stopped and cried and hugged her. She's currently in my bed sleeping. But I've looked up SBS and I'm willing to report myself as I don't know what damage I've might done.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess...to say it can happen to anyone and now...because I couldn't control myself I might have either damaged my daughter or risk loosing her but in another way. I can't believe what I did.

Try to be calm , shes probably fine

People that give the child shaken baby syndrome shake their baby very hard and longer, it usually happen to younger babies when their head bangs back and forth rapidly ..
If you just shook her for a second or two and not hard, its unlikely ..

Next time remember that if she is crying you dont have to react to her crying straight away, just leave the room and go and calm down somewhere

When people lose control because of anger its because they feel under pressure to react quickly,
this is why people count to 10, it gives you time to think about your next move

So whenever you get to this boiling point again, get up and leave the room
Not lash out

I bet many many people have cracked as you did, just for a moment, and then frightened themselves.
Is there someone who can give you a hug and sit with you for a bit?
I expect she is fine, she’s not a tiny baby and you stopped yourself.

Well, you stopped yourself. Some don't. Some don't question themselves ever. They are always right.
Have a plan for when she is angry next time. What are you going to tell her, what are you going to do ? Were will you go if it's too much ? (it's best for you to remove yourself from the situation, you should check that she is safe first). When you are frustrated or exhausted?
You can have more then one plan.
You know it's not personal when she is angry. She has to learn how to express her anger and she will do it wrong before she does it right and you are there to teach her. And there will be plenty of mistakes along the way. You know.

I have found that talking to the little ones usually stops the tantrum/confrontation really quickly. (I get it, you are angry, because (xxxxx) this is how it feels to be angry, but it's still no, when you are done, you can come.) I don't engage with angry mob. Turns out talking stops the thing in a few seconds and it helps a lot especially if you are exhausted.
Diverting the attention (or rather giving agency by giving options) works but you have to be inventive about it so it might be tough. "No, but would you rather this or that instead ?"

Parenting is a journey, Make an oath to yourself that you won't harm that little one and look for accountability in RL. All the best OP.

@LuP88 everything will seem better in the morning.

Dc are hard work. You’re unlikely to have damaged her in anyway physically or mentally.
Have you considered putting a stair gate across your dd’s doorway so she has to call you. I think I’d be frustrated if I was woken by a dc screaming in my ear.

Well she's woken up and did her usual, sang the finger family song. I slept on the sofa and told my partner what happened. She's come downstairs to be with me. I've looked her over and watched her. I think she's OK. But I don't think I'll ever feel ok. I still feel sick.

So sorry to hear. Are you stressed in general? You should work on that first maybe

Hi,
I hope this is the right place to post this - first time poster...I am worried sick about my 10 year old daughter. Please no judgement but last night I found one of her doodle notebooks and without thinking flipped through it. I expected to find drawings etc of which I did, but I also found some really upsetting content about harming herself, how stupid she is, how people would be better off if she wasn't around. I am physically ill over this and so upset that this is how she sees herself. She is highly capable and top of her class, she has a great friend group and I thought had really progressed this last year in terms of social skills, she is in a drama group which she enjoys.... I have already made the decision not to immediately confront her as I am hoping this is pre-teen angst, and I am reaching out to a friend of a friend who is a child psychologist. My daughter has always been a deep thinker and is extremely articulate I also don't want to invade her privacy (I realize by reading it I have already)as I am hoping this is just an outlet and she isn't really going to act on any of the things she has written.Does anyone else have experience of this behavior and how did you cope? I feel like a complete failure as a parent and a mother that my child is inwardly this unhappy.....

Hi @Flo2023 I'm sorry, you must be so worried, but no, it’s not the right place to post.
You need to start your own thread; just copy and paste your text, you don’t have to type it all again.
the parenting forum - this one- would be a good place to start, and then you will see all your own replies in one place.

Thank you, I have just realized how to, apologies to original OP for posting here! I will now try to delete. Thanks again