"High needs" child

[Samanabanana]

When did your "high needs" baby/toddler become more easy going? I'm now 14 months in and DC doesn't seem to be getting any easier to deal with. If even the slightest sniffle he has to be in my arms all night long while pinching my throat or he screams. Screams through any sort of wiping of face/hands after mealtimes (and I mean SCREAMS, though bath time is fine). Can't stand being away from me, hates being held by anyone else when I'm in sight, even if it's DH. Still very picky about whether he eats food or not. Has never slept through. Is easily displeased. I had to stop bfing him at 11 months as he would just scream all night long if I didn't let him nurse constantly. Is this normal? He hits all milestones on time, and when he's happy is he is a very engaging and sociable baby. Nursery have no concerns. But the constant screaming and not sleeping is wearing me down. I don't have a life as it's dictated by a baby who screams and doesn't sleep. I work full time and I'm making silly mistakes at work constantly because I'm exhausted. I actually am starting to hate my life and regret having him and I hate that I feel this way. DC1 was a very relaxed baby and so this is all a bit of a shock to the system. DH does what he can but to be honest it mainly falls to me because the baby will scream and scream and scream until he's sick unless I takeover.

Sympathies, OP, that sounds exhausting and very draining. It's not surprising you're feeling low.

Perhaps it's time to look into gentle sleep training methods? Leaving them for gradually lengthening periods of 5, 10, 15 mins worked great for my DD, though she was younger. There are loads of strategies out there.

Assuming the throat pinching hurts, I would simply not allow it at all. If he does it say loudly and cleat (not shouting) "Don't pinch" and remove his hand. Of he does it again, put him down in the cot and leave for 5 mins. Repeat till it stops. You weaned him from breastfeeding so you can wean him of this too.

I know it can feel daunting to embark on changes but what you're doing now clearly isn't working for any of you so something needs to be done.

Sympathies, OP, that sounds just like my DD. She was diagnosed autistic at 8.

The baby years were pure hell - she barely slept, only wanted me, was incredibly clingy. Toddler years were easier - she slept a bit more (though she's never been a good sleep - tbh she just seem to need as much as most people), and was generally fun to be around when she wasn't having "tantrums" that I now know where actually meltdowns.

She got really well at school and tbh since then has been a pretty easy child, bar the occasional meltdown when she feels things are out of her control. She gives me less heartache than her NT little brother tbh.

Not saying that your LO is autistic btw, just that the behaviours are similar. In terms of advice, the best I can give is just to try and roll with it. Prioritise them, anything else can wait. When it gets too much, get someone to take them out for a long walk - that way you can't hear them crying for you - and take a nap. Everything will feel better after even a little more sleep.

Good luck!

Ah sorry, just re-read the OP and saw you're back at work, that must be so hard.

I think your DH needs to step up more - by which I mean take him out of the house more to give you a break. He's more likely to settle for someone else if he realises you're not actually there, and it's less distressed for you than having to listen to someone else trying (and failing) to settle him.

Mine just got gradually better as he was able to communicate more. He's nearly ten now and mostly delightful - although he has his moments for sure.