Tips to get a 4.5 year old interested in writing/colouring/pen work

[notsochatty]

My DD really hates learning to write. We had her first parents’ evening at school last night and it was overall positive (lots of friends, creative, on track with phonics) the not so positive was she is sometimes too chatty during carpet time and is struggling/behind with her writing.

She has never liked colouring or practising writing she has always wanted to do more imaginative play/dress up/outdoor play so we have never pushed it but now feeling a bit guilty.

We have a wipeable book for lowercase letters at home which she did a bit of last night. She will trace over the letters but when it comes to looking at the letter and then trying on her own she gets the letter wrong (eg a b will end up being a D, K looks like an upside-down F). Last night I wiped it and said "good try, try again only going halfway up for the b" and she then got so frustrated and started crying and refused to do more. If she is not naturally good at something straight away she hates it and will get so frustrated that she can’t just do it even though I explain to her ‘you're trying really hard, we have to keep practising for it to become easy’ etc.

Any tips to help her? And how often should I be doing this at home too? We read her school books usually around 3 times a week and do her blending lists every other day as she enjoys doing them. I don’t want to overload her little brain.

TIA

Focus on letter formation one letter at a time. Do capitals first then move on to lower case.

capitals - do those with horizontal and vertical lines first, then move into ones with diagonal lines, and finally curved lines like B, R

Master a letter before moving on.

with lower case ones don’t learn them in alphabetical order, do it in their letter families (Google this but c, a, o all start with the same shape so are in the same family)

practice drawing the letters in sand, sugar, foam as it is more fun. You do it, she traces over. Then she has a go on her own.

then move on to using chalk or a pen etc

hope this is some use. I don’t have time to write more sorry!

I would do this little and often but realistically not easy after school so maybe just the weekends. It’s only early in her reception year.

also working on her gross and find motor skills important but with my daughter we really needed endless repetition and practice of how to form the Letters

My tip, teacher and mum of two enthusiastic readers, writers and drawers, is don't push it and definitely don't correct it when she's feeling like this about it. Make the materials available, suggest some fun reasons to write ie Santa lette, write her a note and wonder if you'll get one back, ask her to add the snacks she likes to the shopping list etc and then back away.. I know it's hard but it will come and it will be more likely to come and land well if it's supported by you on the sidelines but driven by her. Sounds like she's doing great, time sorts so much.

I have a reluctant pen user at almost 7. Don't push it, but do "clever finger" activities. Things like picking up beads with tongs, any type of threading, tongs, board games with cards like matching games. They will strengthen fingers and school work will come.

Great ideas!

I would really not be pushing it at all at this age, it really doesn't matter at this age whether they can write or not and the last thing you want to do is put her off learning/have negative associations with school work. That could do lasting damage whereas there will be no lasting damage to her learning to write a bit later when she wants to. She is much more like to learn more quickly if it's something she wants to do for herself.

No advice except following because I could have written this exact post myself, even down to the parents evening feedback!!
Is your DD left handed? Mine is.

For what it’s worth I was in the same situation as you last year, I had the thoughts of “she’s young, it’ll come later” I did all the fine motor skills activities like threading etc as posters suggest above. we worked on gross motor skills. All of which is important.

but she got further behind and hated writing because she just couldn’t do it. The pace at school was too fast and she needed more help.

so it was only when we worked on it together, slowly, at her pace, in a fun way (mainly the summer between Reception and Year 1) as I describe above that she learnt.

she is so happy and relieved now she can now form the letters and write.

on her own she gets the letter wrong (eg a b will end up being a D, K looks like an upside-down F). Last night I wiped it and said "good try, try again only going halfway up for the b" and she then got so frustrated and started crying and refused to do more. If she is not naturally good at something straight away she hates it and will get so frustrated that she can’t just do it even though I explain to her ‘you're trying really hard, we have to keep practising for it to become easy’ etc.

So many common but unhelpful parental actions here!

You need to praise effort not output.
Rubbing her efforts out is really rude
Pressuring

Your expectations are unreasonable, it might help to learn about how young children learn. They need to play and feel safe.

They do it too early in school now, which doesn't help. It's a mess.

Sorry for multiple posts - mirroring/reversing letters is completely normal and doesn't matter at this age. Like talking your aim is to get them to do it lots, perfection comes with practice, if you correct all the time they don't want to practice so you slow down their progress.

Couldn’t agree more @carefulcalculator

i said as much to the school but they’re only following the curriculum. Some kids are ready of course but my daughter didn’t have the underlying motor skills needed.

We were told to try doing letter formation that's more sensory at this age - so try writing with chalk (we did endlessly on the patio - not quite as practical in winter!) or with her finger on a tray of rice or flour so she can feel how the letter goes. Also did fun things rather than 'practising writing' (this feels like schoolwork!) - so puzzles, treasure hunts, writing postcards to grandparents, (short) letters to friends/cousins etc. Lots of hangman games.

Fine motor skills like clothes pegs (again not very seasonal), playdough improves finger strength too, which helps with pencil control.

One teacher told us that the chalk/flour writing is psychologically nicer as well because you're not rubbing out 'mistakes' in the same way as on paper. Agree it's the doing not the perfection that helps.

Just remembered we had loads of those wipe-clean books but they never loved the letter practising - the mazes and other puzzles were much more interesting. Still helps with their skills though. Letter formation will come in time (appreciate this is an annoying thing to hear when you're in the middle of stressing about something, but trust those of us who have been there that many of these things do get better if you can just get through it). Encouragement is key in the meantime - massive praise for any effort in the right direction. And not sappy unwarranted praise, but "you're holding your pencil so nicely", "grandma will be thrilled to get a card from you" (even better if grandma writes back...), "I love the colours you've chosen", "you've really concentrated well on that" - that sort of thing.

My Dd (a leftie) was like this at that age. Unfortunately it was also the time of homeschooling and us both WFH full time so we didn’t get to help much. Her teacher reassured us to do what we can, but not to push it and keep it fun at home - she would do all the correcting when they returned to school.

she also liked to play make believe type games so we would encourage little bits of writing in these games. Such as playing cafes - the waiter writes the order for the chef etc, or playing schools - the teacher writes on the board. We couldn’t always tell what she was writing but kept it fun and encouraging. We would also ask her to write a shopping list of things she wanted if we were going to the supermarket etc….

I couldn’t put my finger on what happened, but one day something just clicked and she started writing us notes and things off her own back. Again, we couldn’t always read them but kept it positive like saying things like “oh what a lovely note, thank you”

as time went on we’d start to buy puzzle books (first dot to dot/colouring and then maths/comprehension type) as they were things she enjoyed and got her practising writing her answers at the same time. Her writing has really come on and although still not as good as others in her class the gap is smaller - and she has the hurdle of being left handed (we’re not)

as others have said writing needs both gross and fine motor skills so games that encourage those also help - my Dd particularly liked playdoh and operation. And making models from recycling, leaf rubbing etc. it doesn’t always have to be “writing”.

relax and encourage- she will get there in her own time. And you can both enjoy playing together while working on the skills that will help her.

Thank you so much for all your advice and feedback, some really helpful things here to focus on.

Hiya I’m a teacher and the advice that I would give one of my parents in a similar situation is firstly not to panic! The fact that your DD is sociable with lots of friends and creative are huge positives at this age, as is being on track for Phonics. Writing is often one of the last skills to develop so it is not at all unusual for this to be an area that she is struggling with. Children also find school exhausting at this age so try not to expect too much of her when she gets home.

Things that I’ve found successful to encourage reluctant writers in the past are:

• special pens for drawing or writing, you could maybe go and choose some together. I’ve found that pound shops usually have lots of pens and pencils that are very appealing to children!
• modelling writing and how it can be used to record ideas. So as your DD enjoys imaginative play ask her to tell you a story and you write it down for her. Put absolutely no pressure on her but encourage her to join in in small ways, e.g. do you want to write your name so that everyone knows that you made up this story? Or I just can’t imagine what that character looks like could you draw me a picture so that I can see them?
• attaching pens or pencils to toys, e.g. cars, animals or even magic wands, so that as the toy moves during imaginative play the pen or pencil draws on a piece of paper.
• painting outside using water, so just using a paintbrush and a pot of water but painting on paths, benches, trees, fences etc whatever you have access to.

I would also echo the advice of some previous posts in that finger strengthening activities would be a great idea as these build hand strength making writing feel easier for children. Things like threading beads or making models out of play dough or clay sound like they would appeal to your DD’s creativity.