Harder than I can deal with

[poppy8989]

I’m a mess, I’m not me. I don’t look the same, don’t feel the same, I don’t even act the same. Who am I? I want to feel good. Look pretty. Look like me. Feel like me again. The confidence I use to have is gone.
I’m so tired and nothing works. My 3 month old won't sleep. I can’t sleep. I can’t seem to do anything without being wrong.

It’s been hours and all I can hear is Just crying. Just more crying. And I can’t help make it better. I feel so useless so sad and run down.

I haven’t got a lot of time, so this is a rushed reply, but I just want you to know that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. You are absolutely in the thick of it right now but you won’t alway be, I promise that you will get yourself back.

These early months can be so, so hard - this is not it for the rest of your life, not by a long shot. It's totally normal not to 'feel yourself' at this stage, but if the crying and sleep loss is really is getting you down, do speak to your health visitor or GP.

I think the thing is to try to let of thinking about 'who you were' and looking after you now. Are you with DC's father and can he step up more? Are there grandparents or other family who could help give you a break?

It really does get easier. I remember thinking the same, never feeling like I was doing anything right, just felt like a milk machine to my DD, they also go through a sleep regression at 3-4 months, my DD had me up every 1-2 hours through the night and I remember thinking...how am I functioning! Your baby might not start sleeping right through for some time yet, but the hours between being awake definitely get longer as time goes on, and it feels amazing just to have that extra sleep time, even if they still wake a few times a night. You'll get through it, we all do. It's amazing how we do, I look back now and can't believe I actually did! It really really does get easier. You've got this!

If you are feeling so low all of the time, please go and speak to your GP. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help. It helped me and my sister massively!

You’re really not alone. As others have said, it’s properly fucking hard and nothing ever really prepares you. Is there anyone who can help so you can get some sleep at least? Also definitely speak to your GP. I resisted for ages but once I got help it changed my life - truly. It won’t be like this forever. X

Lack of sleep is an actual torture device- you cannot think clearly or rationally in those early months.
doesnt matter than you aren’t like you were pre baby- you will get yourself back! I know so easier said than done when in the thick of it but this stage doesn’t last long. Your social life, body, etc all comes back.
on a practical level are you bf or bottle feeding? Any help? Can you get out for a walk every day help clear your head a bit?

Ah mate
Those early days are Just So Hard. But they pass. Promise.

Could've written your post 6 months ago OP. Sleep deprivation drove me into despair. I was convinced I'd ruined my life. It gets sooooo much better, I promise you. Baby is nearly 13 months and I feel myself again now. Those first few months can be a real endurance test. Babies are lucky they're so cute.

It gets easier, most go through a sleep regression at this age. I’m a few weeks time you will be able to get a bit more sleep and from there it will slowly get easier. Is baby feeding well?

The first few months are so, so hard, especially if you have a harder baby, I know you are in the trenches right now, but just concentrate on surviving each day. One foot in front of the other and repeat. I promise you won’t have a none sleeping, crying 3 month old forever, even though it feels like that now.

You sound like how I felt after my first (and second!) baby, I really feel for you. Its fucking hard, the sleep deprivation + an unsettled baby is horrendous. It felt like mine never. stopped. crying. Mine are now 4 and 2 and it does get better and easier, but the only thing that helped me cope at the time mood wise was going to see my GP and getting some antidepressants to help me cope. The difference they made for me was incredible, even though chronically sleep deprived I had more patience and felt I could parent better. Without them I felt at the end of my tether every second of the day.

Please get some help - from anyone. Friend, family, partner. Get someone to take the baby for a night or a few hours - really ask. Then watch Netflix, get your nails done, shit in peace, whatever you can. It's genuine torture and will get better but please ask for help and know that everyone else in your position is also just barely hanging in there - however they may seem on the surface. I'm sorry - it's so so hard!

I'm overwhelmed by all the lovely replies. So thank you all.
My other half lets say.. isn't very helpful.
I feel swamped by motherhood sometimes and worry I still feel sad most days 3 months on. My health visitor only ever says "some babies don't sleep"
I EBF and some days I love it. Other days I feel like it's all I do. It's all on me. Iv tried pumping and my other half giving a bottle but my son refuses and when he screams so I end up BF again.
I have a 4 year old too and I feel he sees me crying or sad alot. I explain it's because I'm tired and he's so sweet to me but I don't feel like I'm the fun mum anymore, I'm not the happy mum he new.
Does it sound silly that I feel like I'm just drowning in parental duties.
I feel sad now. I miss me.

Your sleep deprived, everything feels weird and a million times worse. Try and time 4 year old at nursery with someone who can look after baby for a few hours at home, express if have too and get a long bath and pamper or even a nap if you can. Hope you get some sleep soon, it's so hard 💐 xx

Please know that you are doing an absolutely fantastic job - anyone who has experienced bringing up a baby, regardless of age is a superhero. Babies don't come with a manual, we have to literally figure out what they are communicating to us and just for us to figure that out is a superpower.
Don't be too hard on yourself; yes the nights are long, yes it's stressful and feels like it's never ending but this beautiful little human you have brought into the world needs you, relies on you and comes to you for comfort. The heartwarming smile from your baby is enough to let all the negative feelings go away.
You've got this mama!

I was you 12 years ago. All I can say is this is temporary. It will get better. You'll sleep again, you'll be you again.

I felt the exact same way a couple months ago. It gets better. I'm having trouble with night time sleep right now but the awake times are much easier now. Babies are usually tired or hungry when they cry. If you can, put baby in a sling and don't stress too much and certainly don't Google too much. You're a new mum. You can do things wrong. It's okay if baby cries for a little while. Relax

I hear you, I feel all what you’ve said. You’re not alone. My DD was very hard work the first three months, she’s better than before but she still has hard phases. You’re doing a great job, do you have any support?
don’t be too hard on yourself - it’s very hard and no one could have prepared me for this! You’ve got this