Baby that cries with Daddy!

[Rhiannon]

Try getting Dad to put on a T-shirt of yours that you have been wearing all day/night bit of your perfume etc. Your little girl feels safe with your scent so it might make her more relaxed.

On a slightly different note, I am having problems leaving my 9month daughter with anyone at all. I work from home and have just taken on a new nanny (bad timing I know but the old one left recently - not much I could do about that). My daughter was fine with the old nanny but screams the house down when she is with the new nanny.It is mainly when she is at home, she is usually OK out of the house. I try to keep out of the way but she knows I am there. It is really hard as I am working upstairs and I can hear her screaming downstairs. The worst time is mealtimes; she absolutely refuses to let anyone else feed her or give her a bottle. She gets herself in a real state and then will not eat even if I try to feed her. I do not know whether she would be better in a nursery or is this just a phase that will pass. If that is the case, how long do we have to go through this? Help!

Hi Sarah, do you give in when she screams and go downstairs to 'rescue' her? If so her screaming is obviously working a treat for her.

Is it possibly you can pretend you are going out of the house and then sneak back upstairs? So she thinks she's alone with the Nanny? Babies are very crafty even at such a young age.

I think they are just going to need time to get used to each other especially if you are happy with the Nanny. No I personally wouldn't put her in a nursery as then she won't have the one to one care she has at the moment.

I can see the problem in a way, she isn't seeing enough of her dad and he is like a stranger to her. He must see that he is bringing her up as well, it is both of your "jobs"! The baby needs both of you in equal amounts. If you are always there he is never going to have a chance to do practical things. He isn't just a money earner. I agree with Tom's solution entirely. Get a part time job and leave them alone together at night or something. Anything to get out of the house and let him manage on his own. A baby shouldn't be upset at having to spend time with his/her own dad.

My son went through a stage of only wanting me and my husband got upset and felt rejected, but it didnt last. Sometimes now he prefers his dad. My husband has him as soon as he walks through the door and my son knows its play time. He never goes to bed before my husband comes home (he works long hours and this is their special time together). I have left him with him for an hour or so on occasions and has been fine, probably the daddy thing of chocolate etc etc is something to look forward to. My sons dad is his playmate, my role is completly different (he does feed him but then it is much more fun and alot messier). Can your husband develop some non mummy things with your daughter?? My son is with me 24hrs a day and, at nine months, he has turned into a very sociable little chap. im sure it will pass.

Hopefully she will grow out of this stage. When my daughter was this age up to about over a year it used to break my heart that everytime her dad picked her up she would scream so hard that she started coughing and crying. I was desperate to take her off him, but he was so insistent that she's soon stop and calm down-she never did so he put her down and looked so angry, that i felt quite scared at times (he was suffering from clinical depression at the time) and because i was the only one she wanted to come to, i was constantly being insulted-saying how much i spoilt her, and molly-coddled her. But babies can pick up bad vibes from people, and that's what our daughter was doing due to his depression, (im not saying this about your hubby by the way!!) but after he began facing up to his problems she warmed to him tremendously.

I found this thread, the nearest thing to a situation that is causing our household some vexation at the minute. Can anyone offer any ideas for coping with a toddler who is being really mean to his dad and all over his mother like a cheap suit?
Dh, who has been a hands-on and loving dad since birth (with the usual rows about who gets up in the night but no-one is perfect) has lately been subjected to a lot of "Go way daddy, want mummy, you CAN'T put me to bed/change my nappy" etc. We take it in turns to do the bath/story/bed routine and are not allowing these outbursts to change the schedule.
We are not sure how to best cope with this. We know it's a phase and don't think getting cross with him is the answer. Is showing him how sad this unkind behaviour makes dad a good idea? Will he just relish the extra attention and do it more?
I should say that I particularly feel for dh who takes his emotional commitment to being a dad very much to heart. His own father died when he was just six and he has never been allowed to have positive memories of him: his mother has made it clear that her husband was a feckless ne'er do well who let the whole family down. Dh grew up burdened with the atmosphere that all men were rubbish, that he was man of the house now, and although he looks very like his dad, he had better not turn out like him. Nice eh?
Sorry, long post, but dh is quite down about it and I really want to ease both of them through this phase as helpfully as possible.
All advice and comment much appreciated...our son is a talkative two and a half year old.

Marina, go out for the day, or half day.

we had this with our 2 yr old after he had been ill for a week and really clingy with me, he was so awful to hubby.

Anyway I went out on Sunday with eldest son, and left the other two to get on with it. They had a whale of a time, nothing special - just spent time at home, playing, eating etc.

When I came home he was pleased to see me, and it was all 're-balanced'. Seems a terribly Feung Shui word but, it was all OK. This week he has been fine when hubby comes home and does bath and bed.

Try it, it really did work.

Marina - I sympathise. I wrote on another thread (My 2 yo daughter has gone off her Father is this normal?) that we had been having this exact problem with our dd (2). We solved it - really - by getting Dad to put her to bed and bath her EVERY night for a week. The first two nights she cried hysterically for me and poor dh felt like the wicked warlock of the west. But by the 3rd night she was fine. The key was for mummy not to appear at all, otherwise she cried for me. I popped in at 7 when she goes to bed and gave her a kiss and a cuddle. Now she's about 90 percent better and one day actually told me to go away when Dad was reading her a story.

Message withdrawn

Marina, poor all of you! Particularly poor dh!!!
I agree with everyone else; it is a phase, it will pass but as others have said force the issue by ds having to do things alone with his Daddy. Let us know how things go, fingers crossed for you.

marina, I second the advice about giving your ds and dh some time alone together. Of course, they could be the ones to go out, while you stay at home. Is there a special place you know your ds would enjoy being taken to by your dh?

I have seen this happening with our oldest son. Sometimes he favoured one of us over the other for a little while. It does pass.

Also, take a close look at how you each go through your son's bedtime routine. It is inevitable that you will be doing some things differently eg: taking slightly less or more time over the bath, or a difference in how you approach choosing a bedtime story. Perhaps your son is objecting to some very small detail here - IME, two-year-olds adore detail.

Hope it soon equals out!

Thanks all for excellent advice, much appreciated. Especially Batters' reminder that it's to do with "falling in love" with the parent of the opposite sex, and it will pass!
This situation has blown up from nowhere in the past few days and is not due to him spending less time with his dad than with me. But Tigermoth is right - although we do the routine in the same order every night there are major differences in what we each allow for splash-time, story time, etc, and I bet he is reacting to these - and exploiting them too. So we will have to compare notes tonight.
I will definitely leave them more to their own devices, what a cracking excuse to get out to Bluewater (or the pub).
PS Winnie, with everything else you have to think about and organise right now, you still manage to find kind advice for another Mumsnetter. What a thoughtful person you are.

Just wondered whether your son might potentially be picking up on your husband's sensitivity in this area?. Our toddler enjoys nothing more than the odd spot of manipulation - perhaps a more "take it or leave it" approach to him for a few days might have an impact?