How did you feel about going back to work?

[goodmorningsunny]

DD is one soon and it means my maternity leave is coming to an end. I've had a year off and I wish I could say I enjoyed it and made the most of it... but I really don't feel like I have and I feel guilty to be pleased it's over. But I bitterly regret not enjoying this unique time in my child's life more. I feel so sad that I didn't soak in each day and know I'll long for these days agin when I'm back in the office.

Please tell me I'm not alone?

You aren't alone. I had a very high needs baby who took every ounce of energy out of me.

I love her to bits, but man she is hard work. She's 20 months now and still very active, loud and clingy.

I went back to work 2 months earlier than I'd planned, because I simply couldn't stand being at home anymore.

It made me a much better mum as I enjoyed the time we had together when I wasn't working.

I'm 8 weeks into MAT leave again and 2nd baby is also very high needs 😭. I would rather be dealing with misbehaving children at work than be at home right now tbh.

You did better than me. I'd had enough and went back to work at 7 months. You're not alone and needing more in your life than being 'mum' is nothing to be ashamed of. Going back to work was hard - don't expect too much of yourself too soon. It took me 3-4 months to settle back in properly but despite how hard it was, I was happier from pretty much day 1.

And for what it's worth...I don't long for those days again despite working full time plus extra hours. I love the days I do have with her and puts lots of energy into that being quality time. But I'm still ready to go back to work by the end of a weekend!

I went back at 4 and 6 months respectively and felt zero guilt or regret. I got plenty of quality time with both babies every fucking hour of the night, if I'd had to spend all day with them too I might have lost my mind. Also it's my wage that pays the mortgage, so I'd have been insane and homeless. No thanks.

Don't feel guilty - I went back to work a month and a half earlier than planned with DD (when she was 8 months old) as I wasn't enjoying being at home and I was glad of the time to be me and not 'mum' every working day. It helped me be a better mum as it's what worked for me. You really don't have to love every minute with your child to love your child. And DD really enjoyed nursery and got a lot out of it.

I was completely torn - I had a high needs baby during lockdown and my mental health suffered massively. I cried so much at just the thought of it all ending though, and her going into nursery. But my god, it was SO good for me. And her.

I think there's a lot of expectation to take 12 months maternity leave and also to really enjoy it, but it helped me to remember that this is wildly different in other countries and cultures. For me, going back to work part time was when I truly started to enjoy being a parent, because it felt like it wasn't all or nothing. I enjoy my day off a week with my son, but feel like I have another part of life at work.
Everyone is different, and just because you've become a 'mum' doesn't mean somehow you'll have the same interests/needs as all others mums. I need to remind myself that!

I went back to work when LO was ten months old. Couldn't wait to get back (part time). Was very hard at first- LO took a long time to settle in, was still up a lot at night so I was shattered. But despite that was much happier at work than on mat leave!

I hated going back to work. My place is with my children, not wasting my time working for someone else.

Delighted. The opportunity to talk to adults, go to the loo on my own, concentrate without constant interruptions etc. Bliss. It really did feel like a holiday after mat leave.

I'm a better mother as a working mother and there's nothing wrong with that. Amazing how the stereotypes jump in - women are expected to want to be at home knee deep in nappies and dealing with the intensity that is caring for small children all day EVERY day, but no one questions men with young kids working.

We're all different - I needed a balance between working and being a mum. I hope your return to work gives you that.

I loathed maternity leave, and ran gratefully back to my professional life without an instant's regret, then or now, ten years on. I only started to enjoy parenthood once it took its place alongside my working life. In fact, I think vanishingly small numbers of people are in fact suited to being SAHPs for long periods.

I cut my leave short and went back to work because I was so bloody bored on maternity leave.

So...I didn't feel bad about it at all.

You aren’t alone!! I’m 9 months in and I feel guilty that I haven’t made the most of this time. I don’t even have a difficult baby - I started off really well but then the relentless monotony of it really got to me and I got stuck in a rut struggled to get out and about. I’ve also been trying to study which hasn’t helped and I’ve 100% failed my exam so now I feel I’ve failed at both things and I should have just dropped the study.

I haven’t really clicked with any of the other mums I’ve met, plenty of lovely ones and perhaps it’s on me and I should have been more protective, I didn’t initiate quite a few coffees but it just never seemed to grow organically. So now I’ve feel like I’ve missed my window to make mum friend in my area. We’ve moved further away from London so it’s been harder to see my pre mum friends. But perhaps I don’t need mum friends!

TBH I don’t massively enjoy my job/ career but I’m hoping when I’m back 4 days that I’ll appreciate my son more because at least I’ll have a regular break from looking after him and the opportunity to miss him and home!

I’m also hoping (perhaps naively) that because I’ll already be in London several times a week for work that it will be easier for me to catch up with friends and do something for myself more regularly.

Anyway that was a bit of a rant, hope you feel less alone! Will you come back and update this after you’ve got back to work @goodmorningsunny so we know how you’ve got on?

That should say I DID initiate coffees- I haven’t been completely passive!

I went back earlier than planned when DS was 9 months. Got a new job with a massive salary that I couldn’t turn down.

DS loves nursery so much and I’m a way better Mum (& person) for working. I’m able to do 4 days and fully commit to work and him on the required days.

I work with DH & no one has once asked him how he finds the juggle - I’ve been asked though.

My DS is nearly 6 months old and I'm getting quite anxious and a bit low about the prospect of going back to work in February... although initially when things were a bit more fraught/monotonous I really considered going back to work earlier than 9 months.

I know that being with his grandmothers and at nursery will be good with him but my heart aches knowing that I will be missing out on having that time with him 4 days a week.

I agree with @YellowTreeHouse

i didn’t have children for somebody else/a nursery to help raise. I knew I’d love my baby but I have thrown myself into motherhood and loved it more than I could ever imagine.

we’re all different. But I’m lucky that I don’t have to return to work. They grow so fast, I have the rest of my life to work when they’re older so for now, I’m at home with him

I had mixed feelings but on the first day back took my spot on the platform where I used to stand for my train and it was like I’d never been away. Luckily I only went back 3 days a week so I still had DD more than she was with her childminder. Eventually I started to go out after works for drinks or to an art exhibition / ballet but this was when she was a bit older. I can’t tell you how buzzed I was to be in London again after my quiet town. I need the variety to feel me… I can’t do anything solely 100% I’d be bored to death.