It's my birthday..

[caramellattelove]

And I just feel so down :(

I’ve been awake since 5:15 because dd2 (9 months) is bfing constantly from about 5am atm and it now wakes me up (previously I could just latch her and go back to sleep - we cosleep). I feel so overwhelmed and resentful and frustrated. She’s always fed to sleep but it’s gotten worse recently where I have to feed her for ages before she’s in a deep enough sleep for me to get away. Im laying there just getting more frustrated and desperate to escape and I swear she can sense it and clings on even more :(

I spend all day with her - mostly at home - she won’t sit and play with toys for long, she doesn’t like her Walker or jumperoo. She cries a lot and wants to bf frequently and I feel so drained and trapped. Her dad shares care well when he’s here but he can’t do bedtime as she feeds to sleep, he can’t go to her in the evening if she wakes because she will just scream until she’s fed back to sleep.

I’m 12 weeks pregnant (surprise pregnancy - not intentional) and I’m fucking scared. If I’m not coping now how the hell am I going to cope when there’s another one?!

I feel like I need to try and ‘detach’ dd2 a bit before the baby comes but I don’t want to force it :( but I just don’t see how I’ll be able to keep this up when I have a newborn as well! I’ve been thinking about sleep training. I’d be doing it as gently as possible (staying with her the whole time, lots of cuddles, no controlled crying or anything like that) but I know she’ll be very distressed regardless of how present I am. And atm I feel like I don’t have it in me. I remember from doing it with dd1 (11) that it took a lot of patience and love to stay calm etc and I feel like my mental reserves are just non existent right now.

I also feel so isolated. I feel like my only support atm is dp, everyone else works and has a busy life and doesn’t have time to support me (and maybe I shouldn’t expect support anyway - I chose to have these children, not them). I have no mum friends with children of a similar age. I go to rhyme time once a week but there’s only one other baby group locally that’s free and I struggle with groups anyway because I’m very socially anxious. So it’s just me and dd2, every day stuck in this flat. And the weathers crap so even getting out for a walk is an unappealing prospect.

I’ve just dumped a bunch of different feelings here! I just feel like I need to get it out somewhere. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel better. I know it’s common for people to feel like this when they have young children and it gets a bit easier as they get older. I think maybe that thought could get me through it if it was just dd2 but now there’s another on the way I feel like this will just be my life for so long.

First of all, happy birthday!
Secondly i am really sorry to suggest this because i know it can come across as a bit crass- but have you considered wearing now?
You cannot be everything to everybody and breastfeeding while pregnant is a big ask of you.
She is 9 months now so on solids. She shouldn't need to breastfeed so much.
Secondly, you need more social contact. Have a look and see what NCT do in your area. They run coffee mornings that are free where you can talk in to other mums in much smaller groups. It is really supportive.

I bet your local church will have some groups too.
Lastly, you need to be kind to yourself. You are doing an amazing job.
Are you friendly with any of the parents of your 9 year old?

Happy Birthday to you!

I only have one but due to moving to a new area during the pandemic, I don't know anyone or have any family nearby, except my husband who does his best when he is here.

I understand how you feel about feeling trapped and isolated. I try to break the day into smaller sections so it feels less daunting. And I know it's so hard but getting out at least once a day really helps.

I can find mornings a real slog but feel better the instant I get outside, away from the home environment- plus I really enjoy getting home once we've been out.

I also have a set roster of activities I try and work through each week to vary our day. So walks around garden centres, supermarket trips, national trust, walk around town, 1 baby group a week, park etc. I plan my day out each day so each section feels doable and the day feels shorter. And when mine naps, that is my time, I watch TV, eat and nap too! It saves my sanity a lot of days.

Where abouts are you based? I've used the peanut soo and I've already met 2 mums. I have felt lonely and isolated since my baby was born and I'm struggling with tiredness. She's 16wks and still feels very hard with the baby stage.

I agree getting out is key. I feel so much better for getting out.
X

Imo weaning off night time bf is life changing.. And my ds now 8 wasn't emotionally or physically damaged... Sleeping right through changed our entire family's ability to function better...

You are doing amazing. 2 children and pregnant what you are feeling is nothing to be ashamed of and you can do this.
As others have said just got for a walk anywhere, browse around the shops, b and m, charity shops. Go to a coffe shop and have a drink there with baby.

Get some pregnancy yoga on YouTube

Meditate

Meditation songs in the house in the background

Try all sorts of solids

Sing your heart out it helps

At h some comedy shows/films

Try peanut as suggested it's a dating site but to meet other mums in your area

Take 1 minute a day just to breathe

Order or shop for a treat for yourself

Just sit down and relax

Ask DH to have baby and go out on your own for an hour

You can do this

I don't really want to wean her completely, I want to breastfeed her, I just don't want to be a human dummy 😩😂 it's so draining - and limiting! And it definitely needs to decrease because I couldn't keep up this level of bfing when I'm also bfing a newborn.

I am aware of the peanut app and maybe should give it a try. I've thought about paying to do a group but worried about affordability.

Thank you very much for the suggestions of things to do/ways to break up the day. There's not a lot of structure in our day, except for nap timings. I probably could really do with a bit more routine. I think it would be a bit easier if the weather was better and we could just get outside more (without it having to cost money for food/drinks in cafes etc). I think she's also at an awkward age where she can't 'do' much but gets bored very easily. She's not mobile yet (very reluctant to even attempt crawling 😂) and I think maybe when she can explore a bit more she'll cheer up.

Really appreciate your responses so thank you v.much x

This was me. In the end I had enough and did the crying method. First night she screamed 40 min. My heart broke. 2nd night 20 min. 3rd night 5 minutes and now age 4 goes to bed like a dream. Best thing i ever did. Doesn't hurt them at all. Good luck.

You're a better woman than I - in your position I chose to terminate, it was far too much pressure on me emotionally and physically to have another baby so soon after my first.

I would massively recommend sleep training, to deal with the human dummy problem.