My child wants everyone but me..

[LaRosa123]

Hi everyone,
I feel so silly getting upset by this but it's been going on for so long now and I don't know where I'm going wrong.

My daughter is one and a half, her dad works away all week and has been since she was born.
I had a really bad pregnancy and birth with her but still managed to breastfeed her up until she started nursery at 10 months and I'm never away from her (never had a night away etc...)

Ever since she's started to gain her own personality I've noticed she doesn't care for me over others . I play with her, take her to and from nursery, care for her etc just like any mother would but she still prefers everyone to me.

At first I noticed it when her dad came back on weekends and I understood it was because she doesn't see him all week but even when dad is back, it's me giving most of the care to her and even playing with her the most but she is still all dad. My best friend who I see a lot in the week also gets cuddles and kisses from her, she doesn't sit on my lap for more than 2 seconds...

Reason I'm writing this post is today my neighbour caught us outside who my daughter has probably seen once in her life, she put her hands out to him for a cuddle which was cute but when I tried to get her back off him she held him tighter and started to cry and told me "bye bye" I was so embarrassed walking away with my child screaming because she wanted to go back to someone she doesn't know but i just made a joke out of it..

I've got 3 younger sisters and growing up i remember them always wanting mom so this is all strange to me.

Has anyone got any similar stories? Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong?
Like I said before I feel silly writing a post about feeling betrayed from a child but i can't help but hurt over it 😕

O and to add, I was on holiday with her 2 weeks ago and dad was ill in bed, I took her to the kids disco and she went up to a random man standing next to us and put her arms out and he picked her up and started dancing with her , I politely went over to him to get her as I didn't know this man from Adam but do you think she was happy about it... she kept trying to run back to him! so in the end I had to put her back in her push chair ..

Aw, my first was just like you've described! I was glad he seemed a people person bit not so glad it was at the expense of me!

He is now such a mummy's boy. It all changed around 4, but gradually improved before that.
Yet my daughter wouldn't go with anyone but mummy is now a massive daddy's girl.

Your lo is a baby still. Try not to worry. She loves you, but is exploring the world around her in the ways she wants to.

And all these neighbours/ strangers etc won't be thinking anything but how chuffed they are a little cutie seemed to take to them so don't worry!

I think it’s fairly unusual for a 1.5 year old to be perfectly happy be picked up by a complete stranger. Interacting with a stranger is one thing…walking off with literally anyone is another. OP, have you spoken to a professional about this? I’m sorry to sound alarmist and it is probably nothing to worry about but your update about her dancing with the strange man struck me as quite unusual.

Does she ever seem wary around strangers at all?

OP, one thing I would say here - although I'm no expert - is that you've clearly raised a comfortable, confident little one who is so self assured she's happy to trot off and socialise. Well done. Seriously. Be kinder to yourself.

One of my daughters was like this around the same age so I understand how you feel. I read an article at the time which put my mind at rest a bit. It explained that babies see their primary carer as part of themselves rather than a separate person, you are their constant and their safety. So its normal for them to be attracted to other people and seek and relish in attention they receive from them because they think you are part of THEM if that makes sense? They don't realise you are an individual in your own right. Don't think I've explained that very well but I found it a comfort to think that my daughter thought we were one person.

Exactly what @bumblebeemumma says!

Our oldest was like this and babies show every sign of going the same way. We joke that I am just the mum support unit - they saw my husband as an individual entity long before I got that courtesy, and either howl at strangers, go very quiet or exert full adorable interact with me mode, usually all three in a short space of time.

Given your history it's natural to be sensitive to it. I was, but came to see it as an inverse compliment. I'm the fixed utterly necessary point around which all else revolves, to the point newborns have no concept of themselves as other than mum. Fun others are all very well, but you are your DC's whole world.

speak to a professional?! The bairn is 18 months old. What do you think they’ll do, ask her to lay on a couch and for some therapy on why she’s socially gregarious?

Sorry but that’s pretty ridiculous.

OP you’re her constant. She doesn’t seek affection from you all the time because, in short, she doesn’t need to, you give it freely and she just doesn’t need to reassure herself that it’s there. It’s a good thing really. She will probably naturally seek cuddles from you in time whenever she’s scared/worried or just because but she’s obviously pretty well adjusted.

I wasn’t suggesting anything is definitely wrong but just my opinion that it’s unusual for a child of that age to happily be carried away by a complete stranger. That is not being ‘socially gregarious’. My neighbours 18 month old is very sociable, giggly and laughs all the time with strangers. However if someone he didn’t know at all suddenly picked him and walked away from his mother he would kick up a fuss. Most 18 month olds would display some anxiety if that happened.

But the experts here who have never seen the OP’s child are all convinced she’s fine so that’s cool. Don’t worry about it OP.

And you are the expert from the experience you have of your own child? Actually, children will usually experience separation anxiety at some point, but not necessarily always early on. Very sociable, fearless babies or toddlers, who so far have shown no separation anxiety or 'stranger danger', will often start to show this at some point, even as late as reception age at school. Children are all very different when it comes to this matter.

So I don't think you have any need to worry op. Your child will no doubt experience a little bit of normal separation anxiety as she gets older, maybe at 2,3 or 4 years.

OP’s child asked for a cuddle from a man she doesn’t know, screamed when her mother tried to remove her from the arms of this stranger and clung to him. And you don’t think that’s unusual at all? Ok. Your experience of children is clearly very different from
mine. On that note I’ll leave the thread as I actually find the minimising a bit disturbing.

I find the dramatic catastrophising a bit disturbing, so..

Hey, I liked reading all the messages on here, there were some comments from people where they said it's unusual/odd that a child of that age would want to be picked up by random strangers but it's actually not that unusual,
I personally have experienced many children of all ages from babies to even some teenager age children just come up to me, sit next to me or cuddle me, or just start talking to me like they have known me forever, (it is an autistic trait) some children will see the happiness beaming from me are they are naturally attracted to that or is someone is wearing that child's favourite colour then that child will be drawn to that person even if they are strangers.
To the last who first asked for advice on this forum, your child sounds like you have taught her to be confident in herself, even the most switched on parents with children can struggle to teach them to not go up to strangers,
My boy will go up to strangers, they don't understand they possible risks because they haven't experienced the bad things that could happen to them by going off with a stranger so it is hard to teach children this.