Competitive parents in nursery

[FreshCop]

I need advice on how to deal with a mother who must constantly contrast what their child is doing with yours, including what clothes they get, what presents they receive, and what they do.

Although it sounds made up, this particular mother is unlike any I've ever met, and I find it difficult to be polite around her. She messaged me randomly to say her daughter is "so spoilt by her" and is “always at parties” after I recently posted some days out we've been on that were free mind you to a gallery and museum.

I did respond complimenting her and what a lucky girl she has. She has now told me how she's bought all her daughters Christmas gifts, got the whole house painted and also buying all new decorations for Christmas. I do just say the general thats amazing/ good on you sort of thing.

She also tells me how much she spends and how much everything costs that she has. Does anyone know the right way to handle this without offending her as obviously I don't want to start talking about my finances too.

Since our children are in the same nursery room, it is impossible to avoid interacting with her, etc.

Why do mothers behave in this way?

She sounds insanely insecure. I'd just nod and smile and say things like, 'How lovely / wonderful / nice / interesting / unusual' on repeat. And probably not respond much to messages.

Insecurity.

Definitely.

If it's just directed at me I smile and nod. If it's in a group and I think other people might be made to feel shit by it (particularly milestone/academic achievement stuff) then I go with an exaggerated "Gosh lucky her, mine are on pound shop toys and an orange this year / wow, that's so good, mine have zero interest in university level maths, we're still at the counting on fingers stage here" type response.

I had one of these.
I just smiled a small smile and nodded.
I fixed that fucker onto my face when they bustled up knowing what was coming.
Trouble was they were totally self absorbed and didn’t seem to notice. They kind of just talked at me iyswim.

Do you know, they never even knew my name, never asked, never even heard my voice. Just talked at me telling me shite I wasn’t interested in and hadn’t asked about.
Insecure or not, take it somewhere else. I’ve no time and no interest.

It's the way she's like “Oh I just spoil her so much” “I buy all her clothes ahead one season and prep her whole wardrobe” she always has to give you all this information you didn't even ask for.

I simply say that's great/lovely for example and get on with my day or change the conversation to something generic. I think she expects you to sort of compete or try to one up her... But I'll let her win 😂 it's just so odd!

They kind of just talked at me iyswim.

Yes this one seems to just blurt out all this information. Rattles on about herself then sort of disappears once she's done!

I'd be tempted to ask why she does that.

I mean her daughter's wardrobe not telling you. It just seems so unnecessary and looks like a lack of actual interesting things to do.

Since our children are in the same nursery room, it is impossible to avoid interacting with her, etc.

Nonsense. The CHILDREN are in nursery, you are not. You and she only exist outsode nursery in separate lives. You have persistently responded to her bait , no wonder she offers more.

You can avoid interacting by blocking her messages and never responding to them.

Is it normal to know parents from nursery that well (unless you already know them from the area, etc)? My little one has been at nursery for a few months and I've not had more interaction with parents than a couple of minutes chat here and there at drop off /pick up, and I've not seen any other parents interact much more than that either.

We know some parents quite well, the ones on the same schedule as us so we see them every day in the queue at pickup, and the ones who go to the same parks at the weekends.

In my professional experience, it tends to be the ones with very, very little going on in their own lives who act like this.

Now I am a parent myself- I just respond completely neutrally and only say ‘wow’ or anything positive if I genuinely mean it. Don’t feed the best with- ‘how wonderful’ It’s mad how early it starts

bragging about sleep- ‘oh? my Sarah is up all night. All different aren’t they.’

bragging about a gazillion classes they attend- ‘I can’t be bothered with all that, we’re happy at home. Nice you are enjoying it though’

banging on about wake windows and how they know them inside out - ‘whatever works for you, we just go with the flow’

I’m trying to study, exercise, date my husband, read, parent. If someone was trying to excitedly gloat about how they prepped their kids wardrobe in advance I would openly tell them they had too much time on their hands.

I understand the above may make me sound like an unpleasant person and smug in my own way, I have very little time for people who are competitive about their toddling potatoes. Get a life.

• don’t feed the beast

"Thank you for sharing your interesting opinions" has got me out a zillion boring conversations.

If you are queuing outside nursery, just be busy on your phone. Either fake a call or arrange to have an absorbing conversation with a friend

Lol I think I would be tempted to respond with a "well done don't all parents but there kids clothes lol" or a "wow your so lucky to have the spare the time have you thought about using to it usefully to maybe volunteer"

Failing that I would ignore lol

Does her bragging make you feel jealous or inferior? That might be what she's hoping to achieve. Stop posting things in places she can see them and avoid her a bit, you'll soon be less bothered by her.

Also, perception is everything! I buy lots of DC clothes in the sales or second hand. Often a bit too big for them or for the coming 'season', I just get stuff as and when. This means that technically I could boast about having DC wardrobe all ready 'for the next season'! You could offer her a pitying smile!

Since our children are in the same nursery room, it is impossible to avoid interacting with her, etc. you don't have to hang around long though. Just say oh that's nice and take your kid home.

Is it normal to know parents from nursery that well (unless you already know them from the area, etc)? My little one has been at nursery for a few months and I've not had more interaction with parents than a couple of minutes chat here and there at drop off /pick up, and I've not seen any other parents interact much more than that either.

She used to park her car where she knew I’d be walking to school and told me basically she would be waiting for me there (to bite my ear off.)

It started off with her starting her girl, being very friendly and talking to everyone, it just seemed like she knew EVERYBODY. Because her and her family have lived in the area there whole lives.

I thought she was just very keen to make friends at first but following on from that she seems to be a huge gossip who just enjoys talking - a lot.

If someone was trying to excitedly gloat about how they prepped their kids wardrobe in advance I would openly tell them they had too much time on their hands.

I feel like I'm quite wary of her and don't want to shake the boat because she has a big mouth and the last thing I need is to be next in line for her chatter.

She's picked you because you are standing for it.

I use the phrase 'I can't think of anything worse' quite a lot.

I never know how people obtain their mobile numbers. Never offered mine to anyone and only few offered theirs. Having such weird women texting me is what turned me off the school gate usual behaviour before we even started. I wonder why people idealise people in the school gate but meet the opposite