How to be a better mum? Feeling guilty

[Moonshine160]

I have two sons, one is 3.5 years old and the other is 9 weeks old. I feel like since I’ve been pregnant with DS2 I’ve become an overwhelmed, awful shouty mum. DS1’s behaviour has been quite challenging and he doesn’t listen to anything I say or ask. Everything is a battle right from getting his shoes on to getting him to stay in bed at night. I’m exhausted from the night feeds and clearly my patience is thin and I find myself snapping at DS1 and shouting at him to the point that sometimes he looks scared whereas before I would have managed to remain calm. I then feel so guilty when he’s asleep in bed or when I’ve dropped him off at preschool and I make a promise to myself that I’ll do better and then he comes home and the house is a tip and chaotic again, DS2 will be crying and DS1 will be acting up and I’ll get overwhelmed and shout at him again. Is it normal to feel this sort of guilt? How do I do better? It isn’t all terrible - DS1 still gets a lot of love and attention and I make sure I put time aside to play and snuggle with him but I feel like when I’m getting overwhelmed and stressed I just take it out on him.

Just keep swimming. It's early days and it will get easier, I promise! I've a nearly 3 year old, and a 9 month old baby. You've been in a sea of hormones for 9 months and its tough going. When I am feeling the mads coming on, I just pick a set of motions (tasks) and do them like a robot, til I feel less angry and better able to talk kindly. It's not always easy, and sometimes you lose it. Everyone is differently wired and the important thing is to apologise if you're in the wrong. Kids have to learn we are human and that we make mistakes, but we can own them too.

On another note, I often encourage my nearly 3 year old son out to the garden to make a mud soup or whack the wall with a stick or whatever. Luckily I can see him from a quick check out the window, as its very enclosed. It really helps to get his mischief out. He makes complete muck of the garden but who cares.