7 months pregnant and having serious doubts

[Emz555]

I'm so ashamed to be writing this. I have a 13 month old, and am currently 7 months pregnant. I'm 38. Partner did not want the second baby, so if I wanted to keep her I had to leave his house. So myslef and my daughter did and are currently renting. It's been hard, but we have just cracked a routine and she's settled well at nursery. The whole pregnancy, I've struggled to feel an connection or bond with the unborn baby. But I also couldn't go through with a termination. I have literally nothing organised, and the thought of having to leave my daughter overnight whilst in hospital is crippling me (she's never stayed with anyone else overnight). This morning all of can't think about is how I'm going to turn her world upsidedown again and that feels so cruel. I can't see how I'm going to be able to get out of the house with her and a newborn, never mind three times a week floor get her to nursery which I'd like to do because she's thriving. I only have a small car so jot even sure I can get a double buggy. It's all such a mess. Is it too late to look at adoption options do you think? I just can't see any other way. I also have very limited family support.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your ex, is he at least helping with your older child? He is a shitbag for kicking you out. It will be very tough, but it will be manageable. Have you spoken to your midwife about how you are feeling?

Dont make any decisions now - you;re feeling overwhelmed as its all unknown and scary.

Many women have been where you are before and many will be in the future. A lot of them manage, and I'm sure you will too

Do you have any support in RL? Can you join any groups where you are?

Give your health visitor or midwife a call. They will be able to support you with working out how to manage everything. Do you have a children's centre locally? There may be a stay and play you can go to which will have other parents in who you can ask for advice, or the family workers who are running it.

Sending you love and strong thoughts

You are going to be a great mum to this new one as well as you daughter

You have already acted with great love and courage

Of course you have doubts, that is because you are taking your children's happiness and security very seriously. You are too much of a good mum to be blase about this.

I think the best, most loving, most fabulous mums are going to be feeling doubtful at this stage in the proceedings.

💐

I would speak to your midwife or GP. I felt like this during my second pregnancy. I was convinced I had made a mistake and things got so bad that if my daughter hadn't been there I don't think I'd have made it through. I spoke to my dr and it turned out I had ante natal depression (never even knew that was a thing). I ended up being put on medication and had counselling and it helped so much. Once my baby was born all of those feelings went away.
It's not surprising you are feeling like this after how much you have been through recently. Sending hugs.

I felt very similar feelings of guilt and sadness about my toddler before my baby was born. It's impossible to imagine loving a second child in the way you love your first. It's normal to feel guilt about things changing for your first child. But I promise you you will love this baby as fiercely as the first. And when they hold hands in the double buggy, walk next to each other, kiss each other, make each other laugh, tell each other they love each other, play together, fight... your heart will sing with joy and want to burst with happiness. It sounds so trite but I promise it's true. Stop giving yourself such a hard time- you've been through hell and you've been forced to be strong for your toddler.

Adoption is a possibility but bear in mind they will contact his extended family first to see if any of them want to take the baby so it may not end up being adoption as you think of it at all.
I can see why you are scared and overwhelmed but you can do it, you absolutely can. Ask your HV for support.

I'm also 7 months' pregnant and have a similar feeling of disconnection as you. After speaking with some of the ladies on the pregnancy thread I'm on, I've come to realise it's quite common in second pregnancies because we're just so busy with our first that we have little time to sit and think about baby, or to do massage on the bump etc., which I had time for first time around.

You might think that you haven't bonded with baby, but the fact that you were able to walk away from your home and what you knew as family life to keep your baby shows a fierce motherly love and need to protect that baby.

It all feels so overwhelming right now and I'm sure once baby arrives, it'll feel even more so when you're tired and have sleepless nights, but it won't last forever.

I have a small car, too, so my plan is to put DS in a pram and sling baby until summer time. Then get a compact double stroller.

If you happen to be based in the North West area and want a support buddy through maternity leave, given we're due around the same time, then I'd be happy to do that ❤️ Having limited family support around is pants, but hopefully having a good support system from friends will help xx

This sounds so tough, OP. I just want to reassure you that worrying about your existing DC is really normal. It will turn her life upside down, you're right - but it will also give her a companion and buddy. They will love (and occasionally hate..!) each other and it will be fine. With such a small age gap, they'll be thick as thieves together ❤️

and all the best to you.