Do personality traits change as children get older?

[Gompurtz]

I have quite a reserved, cautious DS who takes a while to feel comfortable in new situations. He's only 3 but I've been musing tonight whether these are likely to be traits that he'll exhibit when he's an older child / teenager (and beyond!) Were your children fairly consistent in their temperament / outlook / general personality at various stages of development?

Mine are in their 20s and have had the exact same personalities since the day they were born.

No. My eldest was a really hard baby. "Highly sensitive" or something. Perpetually angry. He talked early and had nonsensical arguments. He became a violent toddler. It was so, so hard and horrible.

We tried everything. We read all the books and blogs. Took advice from our wonderful and massively experienced childminder.

But eventually, around age 4, he grew out of it. He still has his moments, but they're decreasing in frequency and intensity (though we are about to hit the teens). He's a much more robust, laid back, independent kid.

DS2 was the opposite. A relaxed, happy, laid back baby. Such a relief! Lovely happy chap. Until he got to about 4, and went in the opposite direction becoming grumpy, whiney and melodramatic. Often known as Grumplestiltskin at home.

I don't know what I was like when I was that small (probably like DS1). But I was super shy as a kid. But I grew out of it, and into myself. Probably helped by my parents gently pushing me to take opportunities, and having firm boundaries and expectations.

So, yeah, they change. People change all the time. We're never finished.

@Photosymphysis thank you for such a comprehensive response.

I think I'm worried that he's so sensitive and cautious, he might struggle with the big wide world when he gets older. Which I know is daft. But it's good to know that these things aren't fixed!

DS1 was a very sensitive child. Hardly spoke to people he knew, let alone strangers. He's 18 now and dies YouTube videos, plays online with strangers, chats to them on voice chat etc etc.
Hes like a different person.
My DB was the same.

My eldest had attitude, prem baby was grumpy from the start, still has attitude and still loves her sleep. My second was laid back but active, always awake and slept very little, he still is as an adult, my 3rd was very caring to her siblings, still has a very caring nature and my 4th was so chilled she was almost horizontal as a baby and is much the same as an adult. Their sibling relationships varied, but the ones which got on well with each other still do, and the ones which had more argumentative relationships are still not as close. I still wonder how 4 siblings brought up with the same parents in the same environment can be so very different and have different personalities, nature v nurture I guess. I wouldn't change any of them for the world though 😃

Mine are in their 30's and their personalities are just the same as when they were born. If course they have learnt to deal with life through their experiences but their core personalities are the same.

My daughter was such a difficult baby and child until 4. She’s 6 now and honestly soo lovely outgoing. She changed.

DD is only 3 but has had the same personality since the day she was born! Stubborn, mischievous and very confident. I remember noting these characteristics when she was about 8 months old but assuming she would change as the months went by, but she’s exactly the same.

DD was a highly demanding, dramatic and impulsive child . She peaked in adolescence as an absolute nightmare , she’s a very conscientious and mature 21 year old . She changed at about 17 .
DS was a mega chilled and easy baby , was a hyperactive insomniac preschooler who nearly drove me mental. Is becoming an absolute charmer and a fantastic but quirky little old man at 5.5 years, he’s stubborn and fussy but absolutely lovely . Mine keep me in my toes for sure .

Mine are quite similar to their toddler self's. Some of that is reinforced and learnt behaviours they've been consciously or unconsciously rewarded for. Some is undoubtedly genetic.

They've experimented with some behavioural changes and there are life events and other external influences that have impacted (and the impact can be seen).

They remain the same people though. It"s why I know sleep trainjng works. Why I know academic success increases resilience and why I know tidiness isn't necessarily taught.

My three grown up children have all ended up as I predicted when they were toddlers!
Oldest very caring ..now a social worker
Middle child absolutely obsessed with animals and laid back ..now a consultant ecologist
Youngest very competitive…post grad job in London with amazing opportunities to work abroad and make lots of money
All fabulous human beings and because they aspire for different goals they all get on brilliantly.

Mine still young but more or less stayed the same.
DD 15 has autism and she 'shrank' a little as she grew but hopefully with a diagnosis, she has begun to grow back her bubble. She's conscientious which was always there.

DS 12 is the same kid through and through. Bloody funny since the day he was born. And practical. Always got his shit together.

I was quite shy as a small child and needed quite a bit of reassurance maybe? Very reserved for sure. Now as an adult im extremely extroverted and a much bigger personality. My mum and dad made a conscious decision that they didn't want me to be shy and encouraged a lot of drama lessons etc, and it completely transformed me. I now don't think twice about speaking to a large group etc

This. My dd is in her 20s and she's not much different than she was when she was a kid.

Same here

My eldest was so resilient, happy and socially confident as a child. Now she's an anxious perfectionist and a socially avoidant adult. It makes me sad. There nothing I can put the change down to and nor can she.

I have quite a reserved, cautious DS who takes a while to feel comfortable in new situations.

I'd have thought that described a lot of 3 year olds who may then develop in all sorts of ways. It would have fitted my DD - she's now a sensible, quite confident adult. During childhood I sometimes said she's the sort who looks before she leaps - which is a good thing in my view. No caution is reckless, too much caution stops them enjoying life.

@CaronPoivre This is off topic, but can you expand on what you mean about why sleep training works?

Some personality traits are stable from very close to birth. Being fast approach/slow approach is one of them. That doesn't mean you can't work on strategies and strengths, just that a child who needs a run up to transitions is likely to be an adult who does.

Some traits are highly heritable.

I agree with Errol. I see caution as a positive thing. Thoughtful and summing up the situation. Once he gets comfortable, he relaxes.

A baby gets praised if they can cope with being passed from stranger to stranger. A young child is seen as confident if they will go up to strangers and start chatting. Yet when they are older, we don't want then to just go running off or chatting to strangers. At school, we don't want them to be talking to friends when the teacher is teaching but instead learning their numbers, phonics etc.

Give me a cautious child any day.

My dh was a very clingy and shy child and his sister is the polar opposite all singing all dancing look-at-me child. Dh is now a professional with a wide network. His sister is still very extroverted and engaging but it went nowhere in comparison.

Just to say thank you for pointing out that cautious can be a good thing- I definitely need to reframe my thinking. Some of his little friends are very confident and just seem to zoom off as soon as they're anywhere new, whereas DS takes a while to leave my side. If at all! As I said, I suppose I don't want him to get overlooked or not to be able to embrace new experiences later on but I think I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself!