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Abusive ex trying to ruin my life

6 replies

sn21 · 15/11/2022 18:35

Don't really know where to start but need some advice. Me and ex broke up last year as he was emotionally, financially and physically abusive on a few occasions. I've moved house and not told him where I am. He sees the children most weekends and I do the drop off/pick up. I moved on quite quickly wasn't looking but an amazing man came into my life and I really couldn't fault him. Ex is aware and is clearly jealous and has been trying to cause problems. I thought he was over it as he started being nice a few weeks ago. However my children went on the weekend and I allowed them to take their iPads. I am now been told he has been through all my photos that have family shared even though I turned this off a few months back and I don't know what he's seen apart from what he's told me that he's seen a few screenshot conversations between me and partner that he said proves he's been round in the evenings and when kids are in bed. I've found the picture through my own phone and realised there was a screenshot of my new tenancy agreement which has my new address on it. He hasn't mentioned this but has been saying since he found out I moved he will find out where I am. I'm hoping he's just skimmed past it as it's just a load of writing not a WhatsApp/Facebook messages screenshot. This has now worried me as he's said he wants to take my children away, because he knows me and my partner are planning on meeting the children. He's found out my partner is an ex-addict, however has tarred him with the same brush that he doesn't believe he doesn't do it and I must do drugs with him. I'm scared he's going to report me to social services and they're going to take the kids with them. We've had them involved before and they didn't really do anything to help until the very last social worker who got us off of it but meant not being with him and if they found out we were together it would get sent to court straight away as I'm deemed as not able to keep my children safe. So if he calls them up I don't get a say to change their mind they're going to take them until they come to a decision and we all know serious or not social services will take the piss. I don't need this for my kids all over because this guy is a jealous sicko. I don't believe social services will hand the kids over to him either but they will take his allegations seriously and take them off me. I just don't know what to do for the best I don't want to call social services myself as that's not going to help reopening the case if he doesn't do anything. I just don't know. Part of me thinks will they even believe him because they know all he's done but they have to take things seriously

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 15/11/2022 19:20

How long have you been with this man? If you only left your husband last year it can't be very long. I'd hold off meeting the children until it's been at least a year.

Regardless, unless there's a huge dripfeed coming, SS aren't going to take your kids just for hanging out with a recovered addict.

sn21 · 15/11/2022 19:46

MolliciousIntent · 15/11/2022 19:20

How long have you been with this man? If you only left your husband last year it can't be very long. I'd hold off meeting the children until it's been at least a year.

Regardless, unless there's a huge dripfeed coming, SS aren't going to take your kids just for hanging out with a recovered addict.

I've been with my current partner 7 months. Was waiting for the year mark for him to meet the kids however my ex says that no other person is allowed to come into the children's life because I'd apparently stop him seeing the kids if he met someone else which I wouldn't. If anything I can't wait for him to move on and leave me alone. In regards to social services I was told when the case was closed if we get referred back it will go straight to PLU (not sure if that's what it's called) but it bypasses child in need and child protection

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 15/11/2022 19:49

Why were SS involved in the first place?

sn21 · 15/11/2022 19:50

MolliciousIntent · 15/11/2022 19:49

Why were SS involved in the first place?

We were with social services because of my ex partner and his abuse

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 15/11/2022 19:52

sn21 · 15/11/2022 19:50

We were with social services because of my ex partner and his abuse

Ok so they're gonna see right through him if he calls them to say your boyfriend used to be an addict. I wouldn't worry about it, honestly.

SocialLite · 15/11/2022 20:41

I work in child protection, it would not go straight to pre-proceedings if the referral is about something different – which, in this case, it would be.

If you got back with your ex, or in another equally abusive relationship, that would be the same situation, and yes, they would not be likely to work with you again for the same thing – that would be that you failed to act protectively. An unrelated allegation by your ex would be investigated again from scratch. At least it should be in a decent local authority.

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