9 year old struggling with emotions and worries, how much of this is normal?

[MummaRumma]

Hello, my first-born daughter is 9 years old and has always been a sensitive girl and quite mature emotionally. She also worries about the 'what if's'.
More so lately she has made a friend who is new to the school, and i feel that my DD is perhaps a bit infatuated with her? if that's the right way to describe it.
I won't go into all the details of this friendship but although my daughter loves this girl, it is also causing her lots of sadness. From what have interpreted, my DD worries she will make other friends and forget about her, my DD sometimes wants to play with other friends but feels that the 'girl' will forget about her or dislike her. My DD has expressed that she feels jealousy if the girl seems to like other kids more, she also has self-esteem issues like, perhaps this girl doesn't actually like her or perhaps no one likes her, in fact my DD is very well liked by lots of children as she is a kind, funny, fun loving and has her own styles.
Now i know that girls may tend to experience friendship issues, but this is all my DD's worries and what if's, nothing has actually happened as such. For the last few weeks, she is up and down at home, sometimes she says she is so sad, and she cries and cries in a hysterical way on occasion. Sometimes she seems like nothing is worrying her at all but when she's sad, she is really sad and it's hard to shake off and rationalize with her.
So far i have listened, acknowledged and hugged her and tried to advise the best way i can.
What are your thoughts or experiences on this? any suggestions or advice is very welcome.

bumping for the evening crowd??

This is a classic age for friendship issues to start to crop up with lots of emotions flying around & personalities changing. Both my DDs liked this book along with joining activites outside school with a different group of girls www.amazon.co.uk/Smart-Girls-Guide-Friendship

I'm not sure what to make of it either - there is often a lot of friendships drama with girls but it's strange that this girl is so important to her - could you have some of her other friends around on play dates? It's not especially healthy to play only with one friend.

It strikes me that you’re worrying about her worry. Which might cause her to internalise worry about worry.

Feelings are never the issue - it’s how we respond to feelings that can become the issue.

Worry/anxiety are normal feelings, and yes they can get too big and overwhelming, but compassion and accepting feelings is often the best way through.

Thank you for your message, the link isn't working for me though, would you mind naming the book and author and i can search it

Thank you for your reply, i do worry you are right. we have family history of anxiety/depression and in the people i am talking about , a lot of their issues stem from incidents in childhood so i feel the importance to do right by her if you know what i mean.
i need to remember that worrying is normal and perhaps more common in my DD but that its how she deals with them that matters

Their hormones start to kick in big time at this age. My DD is same age and is definitely pre-pubescent. Up and down like a yoyo, gets much more stressed about things than she used to. We’re trying to ride the wave, support where we can, let her talk about her feelings when she wants to (without trying to ‘fix’ then or pathologise them) and help her develop her tools in regulating her emotions.

Its hard though! Not least cos she seems so young to be dealing with all this stuff.

The Smart Girls Guide to friendships by Fiona Foden. I found talking things through explaining other people have different views and you can only control your reaction not theirs etc. it is big emotional roller coaster kicking in at that age and the gap in development starts to show more I found. Some were getting into make up& looks, others sporty or computer games, hence why I encouraged my DDs to find “their tribe” maybe outside school groups.